thebootydiaries
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thebootydiaries: me for 1 week after someone tells me i smell good Someone once told me I smell like milk in a good way and I still think about that every now and then
thebootydiaries: How did I wake up in the middle of the night with the funniest tweet idea and it was this
thebootydiaries: texans: hitexans: šš sorry if youāre not from texas you probably wonāt get it ššš I’m not from Texas what does this say?
thebootydiaries:me, procrastinating: i hope somebody kills me before this is due
thebootydiaries:JK Rowling: I shall name him my villain Voldemort. It is French for “fleeing from death”, indicative of his primary desire to become immortal, and the fear that motivates him.JK Rowling: These two characters can turn into a
thebootydiaries:Me: hello is anyone thereSilence:Silence:Silence:Silence:Silence:Silence:Silence:Murderer: lmfao u caught me I’ll be out in a sec lmao
thebootydiaries: just turned 20; no jokes allowed from here on out .if i see 1 post without a semicolon or the word āeconomyā i will NOT hesitate to block .
thebootydiaries: one guacamole is equal toĀ 6.0221415Ć10Ā²Ā³ guacas
thebootydiaries: a catfish
thebootydiaries:me: *drops something*me: *stares down at it in disappointment for a few seconds before picking it up*
thebootydiaries:me trying to flirt: so what albums make you cry
thebootydiaries:every night after 10pm my feelings start crawling out, starved, as i beat them with a moderately large stick vigorously hissing āstay backā until i inevitably fall asleep
thebootydiaries: If my man says heās thirsty then Iām driving to his house with this, even if itās 2am šš š½ I spoil him so much
thebootydiaries:me: bae I want to try out something different tonight (;gf: what is it? (;me: It’s gonna be rough ((;gf: I’m down babe lets try it! (;me: *hands her boxing gloves* square up
thebootydiaries: Hey I just saw you get stabbed and Iām gonna say it, I would never stab you like that you deserve to be treated like a princess,
thebootydiaries:you vaccinate your kids ? i squirt lemon in my sonās eyes to make him stronger against viruses . i activate his fight or flight response . he is so powerful he can now eat entire lemons , peel included .. tell me again how your vaccinated
thebootydiaries:me: *writes adult email*me: *hits send while screaming loudly*
thebootydiaries:me: *sneezes*mom: remember January 14th 2008 when i told you to bring a jacket
thebootydiaries:You: Do you want some popcorn?Me, an intellectual: Why yes I would love to partake in some corn of the pop
thebootydiaries:Me: hello darkness my old friendDarkness: I have a boyfriend
thebootydiaries: captain-baralimar: minishcap: who is she leak her wig š
thebootydiaries:me on a date: so… haha… when did you realise your standards were this low? :)
thebootydiaries: this is why i stopped using instagram
thebootydiaries:Child: Daddy! Look! I drew you and mommy at school today!!Me: Hell yeah, fanart
thebootydiaries: taggedrne: iāll have the 400 piece chicken mcnuggets and a small diet coke
thebootydiaries:Me:makes a reference only i get and then laughs about it because i saw what i did there
thebootydiaries:Me: ur on tumblr?Her: yeah!! My URL is super-who-lock-in-the-TARDIS-driving-the-impala-in-221B !!!Me:Me:Me:Me: My momma said I gotta come home immediately.
thebootydiaries:some kid: *watches The Incredibles for the first time* WOW THAT’S AN AWESOME MOVIE!me: you know they’re making a second onekid: REALYY??!! WHEN??me: next year unfortunately :/kid: awwww that’s a super long time to waitme:
thebootydiaries: fade-from-me:reading emotional fanfic
thebootydiaries:me: *put two rocks next to each other* fall in love
thebootydiaries:Police: *banging on door* police!! Open up!Dunkinā Donuts Manager: Iām sorry sir we donāt open until 5
thebootydiaries:me: *starts screaming*somebody: whoa there buddy whats that all about?me: sorry i just remembered my whole entire life
thebootydiaries:me: what is that obnoxious glowing ORB in the skyfriend: the sunme: im gonna fight it
thebootydiaries:him: babe why are you mad me: im not. im fine. me, inside: why the hell caillou bald
thebootydiaries:me in publicthinking: if you can read my thoughts then hello
thebootydiaries:pretty girls: id rather be called beautiful than hotme: lol ill take what i can get
thebootydiaries:me: *forgets friends birthdays*me: *confuses memories*me: *forgets own middle name*me, also: hey did you know that all pennies minted prior to 1982 are pure copper pennies and not copper plated and are technically actually worth 2 cents
thebootydiaries: WHILE YOU WERE OUT PARTYINGĀ I STUDIED THE BLADEĀ AND NOW THAT THE BARBARIANS ARE AT THE GATE, YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO COME TO ME FOR HELP?
thebootydiaries: father no
thebootydiaries: floccinaucinihilipilificationa is my soul
thebootydiaries: i followed someone and like 2 seconds later they messaged me āare u sureā and honestly if that aināt meā¦ā¦ā¦
thebootydiaries: me at the club
thebootydiaries: concept: u and i go to the aquarium for our first date. u are nervous as u try to hold my hand. but u accidentally knock the cracker out of my hand because ur a piece of shit and u donāt use ur eyes. there goes my damn cracker. look
thebootydiaries: when i get my paycheck and its ū more than usual
thebootydiaries:someone: what are your plans for the weekendme: who knowsme: (i know)me: (iām not leaving the house)
thebootydiaries: me: i love this band someone 30-40 years older than me: theyāve been around for awhile you just getting into them? me: why didnāt you prevent vietnam?
thebootydiaries:reaper: i have come to take youme: let me ask my momreaper: itās not a choi-me: she said no
thebootydiaries: wow iām so picky for an ugly person
thebootydiaries: what does this mean why is there an egg what is happening who hurt u
thebootydiaries: when u and bae send a message at the same time
thebootydiaries: dennys: Jegg i cant believe i had to see this with my own 2 eyes
thebootydiaries: in math i use this thing called the guess and hope methodĀ
thebootydiaries: i have known this guy for literally 1 day i hate this
thebootydiaries: im deleting
thebootydiaries: bye my ride is here
thebootydiaries: me trying to make a joke on the internet
thebootydiaries: someone: hey i genuinely care about u and i like u a lotĀ my brain: ?? ? time for Joke?? make Joke??? yes??
thebootydiaries: is staff ok
