thebootydiaries
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thebootydiaries:me: time isn’t realme: why did it take you exactly 3 hours 24 min and 36 seconds to respond to my text
thebootydiaries: düüde what the fääck she can’t do that to you this is your space this is your ärëä
thebootydiaries:person: u wanna fight?!?!me: no i want to weep quietly in my blankets because nothing is real and we are stuck in physical entities
thebootydiaries:application: so what makes you interested in working at our company?me: please
thebootydiaries:*house phone rings*Me: no
thebootydiaries: me @ me: ur kind of ugly lolme also @ me: ho…..look @ urself before u come at me……
thebootydiaries:me every time tumblr updates: what hideous and unusable monstrosity has the clown patrol foisted upon us this time
thebootydiaries:cashier: do you want the receipt?me: yas bitch tell me everything
thebootydiaries: me: wow that guy is attractiveme to me: look right past him as if he doesn’t exist
thebootydiaries:why do guys blink so slow haven’t u wasted enough of my time
thebootydiaries: me protecting my friends when I see ugly guys looking at them
thebootydiaries: wow not gonna name any names but SOMEBODY (me) needs 2 calm down!!!!
thebootydiaries:me: puts forth minimal effort in an attempt to solve a problemme: ive tried EVERYTHING
thebootydiaries:Me: goodnight moonMoon: I cannot sleep, for each fragment of dream is but a tease for fleeting moments that can never beMe: alright
thebootydiaries:me: wakes upme: ahh what a lovely dayme literally ten minutes later: i have no future and will never be able to pursue my dreams
thebootydiaries: when i catch myself lurking someone i’m supposed to be forgetting
thebootydiaries: [police briefing]police: suspect is believed to be in his mid 30s, 6’3 caucasian with average build-me: 😳police: …. ok. He was last seen at-me: 6’3 😳😳😳
thebootydiaries:How I flirt: *stares from distance*
thebootydiaries:friend: what are you doing?me: im on tumblrfriend: whats your @?me: sorry i dont have tumblr
thebootydiaries:An emotion: *pokes its head through the mountain of suppression I’ve buried it under*Me, beating it with a stick: Back! Back!
thebootydiaries:friend: are you alright?me: *finger guns* no!!!
thebootydiaries:Me:*is doin me*Yall:*are mad*
thebootydiaries:someone: *shows slight interest in me*me: dang… ur a freak…..
thebootydiaries:*it starts raining*me: yes*lighting appears*me: yES*thunders explode*me: YES*raining intensifies*me: YEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS
thebootydiaries:me: *on my period*me: sometimes u gotta bleed to know that ur alive and have a soul
thebootydiaries:[the sky is grey and it’s cold outside]me: yesssss[the wind picks up and it starts to rain]me: Y ESSSSSSS
thebootydiaries:me: i’d love to be in a relationship*is shown any kind of affection*me: yikes yikes yikes yikes yikes yik
thebootydiaries:Everyone: If you keep listening to your music so loudly you’ll be deaf by the time you’re 20Me: What
thebootydiaries:me: *sees a bee* I respect youbee: *starts flying toward me*me: *runs away shrieking*
thebootydiaries: “tell ur dog i said hi” — me to all my friends w/ dogs (via stability)
thebootydiaries:me: are there any spirits here?ouija spells out: a-y-y-l-m-a-o
thebootydiaries:me after 15 seconds of work: i just cant do this anymore
thebootydiaries:delivery man: delivery for…Sacred Mistress Of Dark Spirits And All That Is Unholy?me: (standing under my ebony Victorian doorway, stroking a large raven in my arms) oh cool my Pillow Pet. where do i sign
thebootydiaries:me: *looks out the window*me: when will my online purchases arrive
thebootydiaries:summer: *ends*me: this is halloween THIs is halloween haLLOWEEN HALLOWEEN hallooween haLLOweeenn
thebootydiaries: “They’re like, 12” — — The correct way to refer to anyone younger than you (via guy)
thebootydiaries: verynormalguy: i’m part of a generation that can send “snap chats” but couldn’t dehull buckwheat if their life depended on it 😒☕️🐸😪 louder for the people in the back 👏💯🙌🏽
thebootydiaries: ᴼᵏ
thebootydiaries:me: *overthinks everything and cries**5 minutes later*also me: *sees funny post and laughs* oh okay im back
thebootydiaries:job application: describe your most recent leadership roleme: sometimes at crosswalks i’m the first one to start jaywalking and everyone follows me
thebootydiaries:me addressing serious topics: yo that’s wild
thebootydiaries: me getting ready to curve people for a guy who doesn’t even like me
thebootydiaries:him: *replies back 10mins later*me: *replies back 20mins later cuz he wanna play games wit me*
thebootydiaries:me with friends: 9/10 would bangme with family: what’s a boy
thebootydiaries:dog: lets out the most genuine & affected sigh possibleme: what’s happened? who or what has brought such suffering upon your world-weary, furry shoulders? can i do anything? can anything be done? will you ever be at peace? please
thebootydiaries:Police: *banging on door* police!! Open up!Dunkin’ Donuts Manager: I’m sorry sir we don’t open until 5
thebootydiaries:me looking at photos other people took of me: Who is this incredibly awful person? This bridge goblin? Who let this happen
thebootydiaries:(bad thing happens)me: wtf i don’t deserve this(good thing happens)me: …me: wtf i don’t deserve this
thebootydiaries:me when i cant find my cat: where is my child
thebootydiaries:me: *pretends to be a stone cold bitch*also me: *cries when I think about kids who sit by themselves at lunch*
thebootydiaries:teacher: are there any classes you are struggling with?me: the bourgeoisteacher: whatme: whatkarl marx: nice
thebootydiaries: someone: hey i genuinely care about u and i like u a lot my brain: ?? ? time for Joke?? make Joke??? yes??
thebootydiaries:me: starts cryingsomeone else: what’s wrongme: this is just something that happens
thebootydiaries:in my head: constructs witty and insightful answers to interview questions for when I’m famousordering at a restaurant: please I the soup want
