thebootydiaries
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thebootydiaries: i followed someone and like 2 seconds later they messaged me “are u sure” and honestly if that ain’t me………
thebootydiaries: when ur favourite character dies out of nowhere
thebootydiaries: me getting ready for valentines day
thebootydiaries: concept: time doesn’t exist. you and i are sitting on a bed sharing a smoothie. you think you’re falling in love with me. you’re getting butterflies in your stomach. little do you know that i actually poisoned the smoothie and
thebootydiaries: when she says “omg i love the arctic monkeys”
thebootydiaries: me: how am i? really? as if u care lmao. im so SICK of small talk,. i want someone who asks about my day and MEANS it, wipes my tears and tells me im beautiful without make up on, but all boys do is lie.maybe love wasn’t made for people
thebootydiaries: It’s a breezy summer day and the rustling from the leaves outside sound like whispers from my small apartment. I’m sitting in front of my laptop, silently studying the 1.6 billion faces speaking simultaneously in front of me. It’s
thebootydiaries: when u and bae send a message at the same time <3
thebootydiaries: concept: time doesn’t exist. you and i are sitting on a bed sharing a smoothie. you think you’re falling in love with me. you’re getting butterflies in your stomach. little do you know that i actually poisoned the smoothie and you
thebootydiaries:Axe Murderer: Time to dieMe: *sobbing* Why are you doing thisAxe Murderer: Cause you be on that phoneMy Mama: I TOLD YOU
thebootydiaries: in math i use this thing called the guess and hope method
thebootydiaries:what I say: I’m fine…what I mean: why did mike wazowski say ‘you’ve been jealous of my good looks since the fourth grade, pal’ to sulley in monsters inc, but they actually met in college at monsters university, which was many
thebootydiaries:My friend: what’re you smiling about ;)Me: nothingMy head: tutant meenage neetle teetles
thebootydiaries: pencandy: free them be strong for mother
thebootydiaries: i show my affection to my friends by gently bullying them
thebootydiaries: me: *forgets friends birthdays* me: *confuses memories* me: *forgets own middle name* me, also: hey did you know that all pennies minted prior to 1982 are pure copper pennies and not copper plated and are technically actually worth 2
thebootydiaries:my sister just came into my room and said “who is peep” out of nowhere and im like??? what????? and she’s just staring and me and repeats “who is peep”?? then we’re quiet for like a full 5 seconds and we’re just staring at
thebootydiaries: when u and bae send a message at the same time
thebootydiaries: appreciation post 4 myself bc im ugly but im trying
thebootydiaries: someone: *announces that they have low standards* me in 0.2 seconds sliding into the seat beside them with an eyebrow raised, a rose in my mouth, and 3 tears in my left eye: hey there :)
thebootydiaries: the hunger games is a good movie but is it just me or does catnip evergreen look kind of like jennifer lawrence?? idk just something about when she smiles it kind of looks the same, and even the voice?? ? but jennifer florence has blonde
thebootydiaries: pride: Shots fired. at minorities, most likely
thebootydiaries: “ur dumb” um lol?? then explain this???
thebootydiaries: i almost broke my neck
thebootydiaries: someone: im literally dying i just got stabbed please call 911 my self-obsessed ass: haha (: that reminds me of the time i was at the hospital march 6th 2005 at approximately 4:56pm (: i was so sick!!! ugh hate that feeling haha
thebootydiaries: hi linda i just caught my son vaping,i am shaking gplease respond
thebootydiaries: rest in peace rata tootie (2016-2016)
thebootydiaries: boy: *takes 19 mins to reply* me:
thebootydiaries: Me digging your grave.
thebootydiaries: some nerd: hey do u know how to read me (cool and has a skateboard): no
thebootydiaries: Trump: hillary clinton created ISIS with obama Trump supporters:
thebootydiaries: niknak79: They were supposed to be smiley faces
thebootydiaries: mutual i’ve never talked to in my life: *reblogs my post* me: ?? best friends???? forever??
thebootydiaries: crush: *walks by*me @ myself: if he looks over, act natural me @ myself: pretend not to see him me @ myself: be casual n cool crush: *glances at me*me:
thebootydiaries: charmancler: this hairbrush has never tasted pizza rolls 1 like = 1 respect
thebootydiaries: earthdad: you go to the club and this guy smacks your girl’s butt what do you do? dam,,.. she his girl now
thebootydiaries: homoboyfriend: im always wanted a man with curves like dat 👀 he single?
thebootydiaries: have a seat we need to talk
thebootydiaries: me: *walking casually toward to pet store exit*employee: ma’am, did u or did u not put a kitten in ur purseme:employee: ma’am,me: *slowly taking a kitten out of my purse* i guess u could say the cat is out of the bag haha :) employee:me:
thebootydiaries: bf: come over me: i can’t im eating leaves bf: my parents aren’t home me: im a vegan
thebootydiaries: caitluffs: applethefruit: crrocs: how am i supposed to make creative funny text posts when nothing happens in my life at all you just use a story from sims and pretend it really happened to you one time i was swimming but the pool
thebootydiaries: when someone says “muslims need to tell isis to stop” but u already texted isis and they left u on read and now they’re vague-posting about u
thebootydiaries: BOI
thebootydiaries: me: wow that guy is attractiveme to me: look right past him as if he doesn’t exist
thebootydiaries: when it’s 6:54pm and he still hasn’t opened ur message but it got delivered and u see that his “last active” was 16 minutes ago when ur sure had sent ur message at 6:37 which means he had to have been online for roughly one minute
thebootydiaries: boy: wow the moon looks beautiful tonight me: um…wow 😂 tell that whore she can have u. 👋 bye ugly 😂 hope she was worth it
thebootydiaries: the things i do for u guys
thebootydiaries: someone: hey i genuinely care about u and i like u a lot my brain: ?? ? time for Joke?? make Joke??? yes??
thebootydiaries: me after writing 1 sentence after going back to school
thebootydiaries: THIS IS MY GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT
thebootydiaries: bye my ride is here
thebootydiaries: me trying to decide if i should use “asgdjdhsgfh” or “fjgkhgkkfgjhk” or “cjkfhsjxdjxjsx” or “qjkcz;/gdjx;k”
thebootydiaries: cyootie-pie: dateaboysuggestions: Date a boy who looks at you like you’re a masterpiece and makes you feel like art date a girl who looks at you like you’re a masterpiece and makes you feel like art i shoved a monet painting
thebootydiaries: a generator that mashes my posts together and thus, the teacher becomes the student
thebootydiaries: me, 80 years old with osteoporosis: I’M WEAK 😂😂
thebootydiaries: not 2 be ungrapefruit but……why i look like that……
thebootydiaries: he cook that egg carton just right 😩😩👅👅👅👌💦
thebootydiaries: told my mom i wanna drop out of uni and marry rich and she said “what rich guy would wanna marry u” she right
