egbert
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egberts: *goes to a party and awkwardly follows freind around the entire time*
egberts: you kids today with your texting and murder
egberts: looks like october is…. octover
egberts: *throws a rock at your window* *the rock bounces back and hits me in the head*
egbert-tier: i am so fucking done with this text book.
egberts: captainsbooty: captainsbooty: what if we’re all characters in a book WHAT IF WHEN YOU FORGET WHAT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY IT’S THE AUTHOR BACKSPACING who would write a book about a teenage sitting on the computer all day
egberts: kisseskarkat: example A thats the picture i made that post about
egberts: imagine a pizza topped with several smaller pizzas
egberts: just trust me ok Read More
egberts:omg you know what sucks? when you’re about to shower and you notice your hair looks cute. goodbye cute hair, i must get clean.
egberts: teachers who call on students who obviously don’t know the answer are the biggest dicks in the world because they’re flat out humiliating the kid in front of all their peers
egberts: u know somethin on the internet is funny when you actually laugh instead of just blow air out of your nose really fast
egberts: intercourse more like yes of course
egberts: i dont understand people who only sleep with one pillow
egberts: where can i buy that for free
egberts: *types olay instead of okay*
egberts: i bet even adam levine doesnt know the names of the other members of maroon 5
egberts: “dreams are supposed to be your subconscious working out what you did through the day!” yeah really? when did i meet a talking dog today?
egberts: newtongeisszler: WHY you’ve been watching it for four minutes it must mean something to you
egberts: “3.5 servings per can”me, eating the whole can: interesting
egberts: am I overreacting or do I have a valid reason to feel the way I do: a novel by me
egberts: mabeltron3000: oomshi: me when my mom says we’re getting mcdonalds Jesus Christ what is happening we’re going to mcdonalds
egberts: *uses lol and lmfao to make embarrassing and sad truths about myself seem like a joke*
egberts: also part of growing up is realizing that the embarrassing music you liked in your early teen years still goes hard as hell
egberts: *posts selfie then reblogs 50 things to hide it*
egberts: im a really shitty friend because ill ask you whats wrong but when you tell me i wont know what to say
egberts: *goes to bed at 11pm and doesnt fall asleep til 4am*
egberts: *takes my pillowpets on a walk*
egberts: if your parents only let you stay online for a limited amount of time im so sorry
egberts: do you ever walk to the beat of your music in public and you think you look really cool but you probably just look like a dumbass
egberts: “you stole that joke from tumblr” i posted that joke to tumblr
egberts: if you try to tell me cold doesnt have a smell you’re wrong when its really cold you can literally smell how cold it is
egberts: bikinipowerbottom: Guy on the right is like “Girl bye” guy on the left like “girl hi”
egberts: DUUUUUUUUUUDE WHEN I WAS IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL THERE WAS THIS DUMB JOKE “BEND OVER AND SPELL RUN” AND IM 100% SURE NONE OF THOSE LITTLE EIGHT YEAR OLD SHITS KNEW WHAT IT MEANT BUT I JUST REALIZED WHAT IT MEANt
egberts:hi I am the casting director and none of you meme loving fucks are getting the part
egberts: driving is so dangerous ur literally controlling a giant metal contraption with a circle and some foot buttons
egberts: the surgery was a success…… u are now a walking wifi hotspot…..
egberts: ill kiss u so hard man dont fuck w me
egberts: i don’t feel like i’m old enough to be my age
egberts: there is no greater feeling than being told youre funny (◡‿◡✿)
