egbert
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egberts: i have really fat thumbs at least your thumbs don’t look like penises
egberts: i love the internet because you can openly talk about having to poop and everyones just like “yeah man can we come”
egberts: the biggest weeb on deviantart I was really fucking offended until I realised what happened
egberts: i made a horrible mistake everyone suggested a different movie watch the one I suggested because I’m god
egberts: i just burned the shit out of my tongue you should’ve done what God said.
egberts: http://pansexuals.tumblr.com/
egberts: my dads first facebook status in over a year
egberts: this is my new kitty shes really tiny and my momma named her ivory!!!!!
egberts: my kitty fell asleep on me so i said “are you sleeping” and she meowed really quietly it was the cutest thing ever im gonna die
egberts: bikinipowerbottom: Guy on the right is like “Girl bye” guy on the left like “girl hi”
egberts: hey just a warning for xkit users on chrome, if you get the little red RESET warning, don’t click it. there is nothing wrong with it but upon resetting xkit will not be able to install anymore. the newest chrome update did something to the
egberts: of all the dumb stuff i did when i was younger at least i can proudly say i was never a fan of annoying orange
egberts: officialprostitute: literally what is the point of wasps usually its on their butts
egberts: imagine a pizza topped with several smaller pizzas
egberts: aciijess: mpregbert: mpregbert: omfg i just choked on my poop and almost got it all over the competur that was close POP this is it, this is the post that started everything
egberts: wow thats cute
egberts: my girlfriend is EXPLOITING ME
egberts: if somebody says something that’s exciting to them or bigs news and you say “nobody cares” you are literally a huge asshole, why would you intentionally ruin somebody’s good feeling? what did you gain from that? the satisfaction of making
egberts: sometimes i laugh because im a legal adult
egberts: some third graders have nicer hand writing than me and that really hits me in the self esteem My handwriting is/was so bad I would be regularly kept in from recess in grade school and punished by writing random sentences over and over until
egberts: snazziest: “I AINT NEED A VINE TO WHIP YA ASS” okay does anyone else hear this thud
egberts: it’s impossible to talk trash on pokemon
egberts: i don’t feel like i’m old enough to be my age
egberts: 10 yr old pokemon trainer walking around with thousands upon thousands of dollars
egberts: when i was little i was at a restaurant with my sister and dad and we heard this really loud fart noise and i was like “LET IT RIP” and all the tables around us started laughing and thats when i decided i wanted to grow up to be funny
egberts: mabeltron3000: oomshi: me when my mom says we’re getting mcdonalds Jesus Christ what is happening we’re going to mcdonalds
egberts: i wonder how much salt has been wasted filming supernatural
egberts: how many posts can i reblog in five minutes before disappearing for three hours
egberts: where can i buy that for free
egberts: *goes to a party and awkwardly follows freind around the entire time*
egberts: driving is so dangerous ur literally controlling a giant metal contraption with a circle and some foot buttons
egberts: striders: i have zero tolerance for christmas music before the last week of november, its annoying and unnecessary and generally just fucking infuriating. I HAVE BEEN DATING YOU FOR THREE YEARS AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME THIS. I LOVE CHRISTMAS
egberts: charleypollard: no. exempli gratia (for example) and id est (that is) I didn’t take three years of Latin to deal with this. FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE I THOUGH “I.E.” WAS IN EXAMPLE AND “E.G.” WAS SOME DUMB WAY OF SAYING “EGGSAMPLE”
egberts: i got this far before i realized i made a mistake
egberts: if you try to tell me cold doesnt have a smell you’re wrong when its really cold you can literally smell how cold it is
egberts: how can people not be scared of spiders they have eight legs and eight eyes and venom and theyre EVERYWHERE, in your sheets, in your toilet, in your bathtub, in your cabinets, in the basement, in the attic, in the walls, in the swimming pool,
egberts: looks like october is…. octover
egberts: “i’m ever mindful that this decision will not be accepted by some” yeah you know why it isn’t accepted? it’s racist.
egberts:*sees wordy lengthy post* not today
egberts: support group for ppl who used to be the same age as their favourite character but then got older
egberts: everyone talkin about seasonal depression hitting after halloween, I got nothing to worry about. my seasonal depression is year round baby. three six five
egberts:idk what’s funnier, pets with stereotypical human names like bryan and mckayla or pets with completely ridiculous names like hamburger and concrete
egberts: do you ever walk to the beat of your music in public and you think you look really cool but you probably just look like a dumbass
egberts: *throws a rock at your window* *the rock bounces back and hits me in the head*
egberts: barebackinq: MY MOMS MAKING FRIEND CHICKEN IM SO EXCITED im glad your mom is able to make friends (:
egberts: like-lucy-in-the-sky: why are the bad guys’ horses always menacing and demonic too like is there some kind of horse breeder for evil villains come to uncle jim’s evil horse stables: for all your villainous horseriding needs “our
