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Making baaaad life decisions ™ It’s early in the morning I wanna sleep and stay up and make art and watch bill bye and I feel like it’s too late to save Tuesday at this point lol. Ahhhjj so fricking done. I have a paper due in two days
Class in an hour. Venting last night- I remember it but those feelings have died down. I need to not build them up and give them my mental energy-it just makes things worse. My counseling today had to be rescheduled for next Tuesday. I just need to pull
Finally feeling better I think. Might have spent the better half of the day crying. And I mean ugly cry unfortunately. Just a really hard fucking day. I meant to go to bed an hour ago. I meant to do some school work. But I guess today was a lesson in
I have a paper due tomorrow evening, two assignments due Friday, and probably should also do the study guide for micro. I just want to go back to sleep though.
So I now have 6 hours to write a paper because of bad life decisions ™ I haven’t had anything to eat other than coffee and my meds. I’ll go to the commons after I condense my research and argument
I just realized something. I’m not normally a jealous type but I just realized I’m envious of an idea. And I’m embarrassed that I want this because I know it wouldn’t work for many reasons. I’m envious of littles who get
I keep making 🎶 bad life decisions 🎶 ™ Bad life decisions, oh yeah
It’s 1:38 am and I’m feeling lonely. And my body should probably catch up with me and make me crash soon. I’m just weird about everything. I should take better care of myself. I should be a better person. Sometimes I feel like I’m
Guess who slept in till11am… oops. I’m just feeling so alone right now. I miss touch and living alone have days without any real contact are common. I’ll get to hug mom tomorrow. Also my boobs are sore. Not sure if period is coming
Morning masturbation, mom is at work and I was horny from a dream. I’ve been feeling so soft and squishy in my middle. Honestly I love it. Don’t want to gain or lose I think. Course I need to work on my case analysis due tonight. It’s
Today has just been draining emotionally. Too much adulting and I just wanted a little day with arts and stuffies. I feel so tired. But I need to go show my broken ass car to a friend who fixes cars in hopes he’ll want to buy it and flip it. And
I need to make today good. It’s in my hands. I feel the stress of yesterday still but I also don’t know why I feel stressed. Everything worked out how we needed it to. But at the same time, getting an agreement to do something and having it
Nothing wrong just frustrated with my mind going over old territory. Part of me wants to be really fit and part of me wants to be soft and fat. And they feel at such odds. And I’m annoyed that I can’t seem to move past this. Feedism is super
It’s 12:30am. I’m not tired because I slept in till 11am. I wonder how late I can stay up, like tomorrow evening; if I crash around 6-8pm, would that restart my sleep?
So I wound up crashing around 1 and slept in till 7:20, relaxed, had breakfast, I even got on Feabie, then switched to fantasy feeder to get off. And now I’m just loving how curvy I am. I wish I could kiss my own inner thighs and belly and hips.
Strange confessions?
I feel just so cute and soft this morning. Someone bring me breakfast. I can pay in cuddles and kisses
Oral fixation diaries: Going from bitingly a babies teething toy to kissing a dagger to feel the steel blade on my lips… Why am I so weird??
So today hasn’t been my most productive day. I did start some homework and got bored after 15 minutes… oops. Need to finish everything before I leave on Saturday though. Going into work early for a meeting about my internship actually dressed
So woke up on time today, don’t feel totally exhausted, at breakfast and just BARELY made it to class on time. But I forgot to take my meds. Should be ok. There just is no time to go back home. Technically I could between classes but I NEED to do
So apparently I was incorrect in thinking my morning class lasted an hour longer than I thought it did so I had time to go home and take my meds. Yay. Now I just want to lay down
Today was a lot less productive:( but I also had classes, work, and this cold. So I spent my free time relaxing instead of working. And not sure I’ll have much free time tomorrow to get done what is due Thursday. Ugh
Can someone adult for me tomorrow? I need some tlc and all I’m getting is work and obligations. It’s hard. Really hard. And I’m scared of falling behind like I always do. Why do I always do that. And I feel like I’m really sick
2:15am, well the last three hours were rather productive. I went to the gym at 11:30pm. Then ran a dishload, wide down the counters, took a shower and now I’m ready for bed. I feel really good. My cold is almost better, my voice is back, I had a
Too quiet yet too loud. Doing nothing probably isn’t helping. Mentally feeling drained. Oops. Granted I did a lot of preliminary work and I’m not used to holding my attention on one thing for so long. Like YouTube maybe, but those are usually
I often just wish Dove was close enough to be in my life daily. When one of us is sleeping over, it just feels so normal to be together. Me drawing while he plays video games. I just want to hug or nuzzle him with my head like a kitty a lot. I’m
Damn if feeling conflicted between losing weight and going out and getting stuffed right now. Like looking at beautiful bellies makes me want to go masturbate and have something chocolate and baked. Like bellies are so cute and hot
I brace it a lot but I still struggle. I still have to choose but at least I’m able to feel like it’s my choice. I did enough today. I did good enough. I did good I am good. I am love.
7/2/17: the beginning of the end
I tried not to let it but this break up is ramping up my depression. It doesn’t feel real. I feel like it’s only temporary but I’m pretty sure that’s just wishful thinking and I’m sad. It’s not the super dark stuff
I’m sad and tired. So many mixed emotions. I want sex, to be alone, dove, not dove, sleep, productivity, Right now my head hurts a lot meaning I should just go to bed. But my mind also keeps thinking. J is trying to get me a girlfriend. And he
It would be great if my depression™ wasn’t flaring up so much on the eve of my birthday. I have had this many bad thoughts in months. I was doing so fucking good over the summer. Now my chest hurts and I feel like I’m about about to
So on the bus ride, I was overcome with a desire for a good dicking. Go to the bathroom and I’m bleeding. Now that makes sense. Also I now regret wearing my cute lacy underwear… 😠😠ðŸ˜
Lord, I mean technically five guys in two months after tomorrow… probably why I haven’t had much luck finding girls. But exploring locals is fun. Don’t wanna go to bed and am fighting sleep like an idiot
Just had my second dream where I am doing things with a girl. The first time I was fingering a girl in my dream. This was different. No sex, just dating and I had a girlfriend and there was a lot going on. It wasn’t the main plot price though Dove
No one I know irl reads this anymore so I guess I’ll just put trash here. If my mood would stop being so shitty, if I took better care of myself. Look everything is starting to feel futile. Like there’s good but the overarching theme in my
So obviously sleep helped. Now I just want to be lazy and play games all day and have food brought to me. Funny how my mind goes from last night to this morning all yolo lol. I’m really hungry but also really comfy
I WAS HAPPIER ASLEEP DAMNIT
Holy fuck I’m still studying for a test two days away. I’ve taken study breaks and then actually got back to work. Also the laundry pile in my room is gone, dishes are washed, trash taken out. Who am I and what have I done with myself? Is
I have a test tomorrow, plans to be productive, etc. but I just want to luxuriate in high minded intelligence. There is something beautiful in how language conveys and idea that makes me yearn to master and comprehend. could I make love to that feeling
I’m just really comfortable right now mentally and physically. My tum is full, I’m comfortable in public in leggings and braless. I’m becoming more comfortable being chubby af. Just myself and not hiding. Becoming me puts my mind at
I just wanna stay in bed. But adulting crap. Just like no. I wish everything I have to do would be done.
Hey can my brain stop doing loop-de-loops and trying to numb itself so I can actually feel good right now? Just feeling out of place in myself. Tired, moody, needy. :P Like I’m very matter of fact that I’m feeling bad and know having real
So cuddles and I talked and he wants to work on maintenance, get back down to 250. And I similarly want my jeans to fit better and get back down to 145. But I went out to eat with dad, and then just ate a bunch of cheese and crackers, rubbed one out,
I’ve got cuddles over for a five day fuck fest!
Why do I keep doing this to myself. I stay up way too late and I want to be asleep but not more than the drive to be awake at night. I feel like I need to do something and I feel driven to search for some distraction. It’s hard for me to accept
Probs gonna be late for class but I really don’t care anymore. Don’t want to deal with 11am class traffic so waiting for the bus.
Man time is moving weird. More cookies was probably not what my body needed. Still in pjs, half blind, done nothing today. Well played with cuddles a bit. I’m glad his name has taken root in my head. But yeah, depression is kinda low key behind
I feel bad that my roommates have to deal with my taking over the living room all the time. I’m a bad Roomie. It’s hard right now but I’m also not doing enough to help my damn self
I fall fast and hard. But I don’t care. I try to be reasonable. I try to be emotionally mature for the most part. I only let my guard down and be vulnerable when I know I’m accepted. To have someone who liked when I’m silly little is
Is depression music ™ self destructive??? Just that one Elliott smith song “between the bars.” I found a one hour loop
It’s so hard to relax. My body is exhausted but my mind still says more to do. Even though the big drive is over, the gift came out perfectly, but I need to sleep so I can be good tomorrow. I miss cuddles. I just want a hug that makes my mind calm
Where can I download hugs?
Fighting sleep. Mom is up there. I just want my mind to be clean. At that high sleepiness right now. So zoned. Impulses on delayed but less held back. Transcendent feelings, pushing through, pulling me forward
Oh my fucking god I feel so fucking great. Cuddles and I are really figuring out this dom/sub things and I’m just so blissful out right now. I really really fucking needed this. Just to be dominated and oh everything is so fucking great. We’re
My mind feels the edge. I’ve fought off sleep such that I can hear ringing in my ear. It is been quite a week. I cannot believe how wonderful this feels. To truly know he loves me. Yet now I am up at 2am. Having just stacked boxes and books
I follow a lot of feedist blogs and BDSM blogs. Gotta say, I’m used to feedist pictures showing off bellies, and have to do a double take and remember, oh yeah, I’m weird when I see non feedist porn. Like ok, you have control of the sub, and
I wish my brain would make up its mind. Half the time I want to lose half the time I want to gain. And it changes every single fucking day. I am so sick and tired of it. A few days ago I wanted to drop. Yesterday I wanted to simply hold where I am. But
Feeling needy this morning. My partner went back to his school last night. I wish I could just crawl into his lap and have him hold me. It’s like there’s an ache in my chest for him.
Well hello there period. Another 40-60 huh? Whadayaknow. At least I’m not pregnant. But tender boobs off and on randomly for one day only a week ago, nothing, then tender boobs yesterday is all the heads up get. My cycle is as predictable as a lost