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beartier: my mom said ‘Hitler was a penis potato’ and i have never been more confused in my life until she looked at me like i was stupid and said ‘dictator… penis potato… god its like you’re not even my daughter’ i am so fucking done
anotherdoctorwhofangirl: one time when i was 6 my mom caught me trying to eat pure sugar out of the container so she stopped and said “Would you like to have something even sweeter?” and of course little naive 6 year old me said yes yes i would so
homotrekual: omfG my spanish flatmate just turned to me and said ‘i need to ask you something embarrassing’ so i sort of said oh yeah sure no problem and he was like ‘people keep telling me they are having 'two sex’?’ '…sorry?’
dajo42: laid is pronounced like paid but not said and said is pronounced like bread but not bead and bead is pronounced like lead but not lead
tahtahtahtia: today my anthro professor said something kindof really beautiful: “you all have a little bit of ‘I want to save the world’ in you, that’s why you’re here, in college. I want you to know that it’s okay if you only save one
scrapbook-wy: Then when I was in Virginia, in the middle of the event, John John texted me and said: Good thing you didn’t come, it wasn’t that good. Then he sent me a photo that Nate Lawrence took from the big day. And then he said: Nah, I’m
spoonysfavoritecaps:blueeyesfantasy:My wife was giving me a blow job one night and she stopped. She looked up at me and said “tell me 3 women you’d like to fuck.” I want sure if I should tell her so I waited in silence. She said “I’m not going
anacondom: this is sucriya. she accessorizes her catholic school uniform with a different scarf every day, which every teacher writes her up for. when my principal walked up to her and pointed to her scarf and said “what’s this?” she said “sister,
marvelobsessions: At the dinner table, my sister asked all of us what color we thought her boyfriend’s shirt looked like. After we all said gray, she turned to him and said “now tell them what color you think it is” and he just quietly replied
feed-me-fitness: amburgurandfries: enterthedreamatorium: If you’re a boy who walked up to younger/nerdier girls in the hallway during high school and said “hey my friend thinks you’re cute” and then burst into giggles along with said friend
tester1001me: I kissed her and said “I really have to go. I’m going to be late for work”She said “you want me to call my husband and give you an excuse so he won’t be mad?”
notsufferingfrominsanity: beartier: my mom said ‘Hitler was a penis potato’ and i have never been more confused in my life until she looked at me like i was stupid and said ‘dictator… penis potato… god its like you’re not even my daughter’
thatsthat24: neilnevins:Had a dream that McDonald’s had a big ad campaign that just said “WE HAVE IT” in black cryptic writing. So I went to a drive thru and said “I saw the sign. Can I have it” and the speaker was silent for a solid ten seconds
neilnevins: Had a dream that McDonald’s had a big ad campaign that just said “WE HAVE IT” in black cryptic writing. So I went to a drive thru and said “I saw the sign. Can I have it” and the speaker was silent for a solid ten seconds before
howdomermaidsfuck: this is sucriya. she accessorizes her catholic school uniform with a different scarf every day, which every teacher writes her up for. when my principal walked up to her and pointed to her scarf and said “what’s this?” she said
thesexualrelease: jayjay8899: Morph by jayjay88 >> He said: “Yeah, well I’m not into big boobs…” So she unzipped her top and said:…. ** See all >>> VISIONS morphs Here** ** Go to >>> Celebrity morphs !! And your
sethmeyers: A 7 year old boy in Virginia was suspended from school after he pointed his pencil at a fellow student and said, “bang!” Even worse, he pointed at another student and said, “would not bang.”
ironically-on-fire: dajo42: laid is pronounced like paid but not said and said is pronounced like bread but not bead and bead is pronounced like lead but not lead
kingofhispaniola: aboonoor: A man wanted to marry a woman and the woman’s brother said: “She has committed adultery before.” When this eventually came to the attention of ‘Umār b. al-Khaṭṭāb, he beat the man and said: “What was the need
verstimmt: darbesaurus: whorville: My only talent is breathing I said this to my mom and she just said “you have asthma, moron” 100% me.
stoplook: ::this sexy white guy came up to me and said he loved black men.. he said he’d love to take me out. I didn’t wanna have sex yet, but I couldn’t resist. He just kept telling me how sexy I looked and how he’d love to make sure everyday
steammmpunk: poseypoops said: Derek Hale and #7 please!!!! <3 dereksfire said: can you do stiles in #2 please?
dajo42: laid is pronounced like paid but not said and said is pronounced like bread but not bead and bead is pronounced like lead but not lead Arrrrghh
sashayed: jesselaceypanties: Hansome a story my parents like to tell about me is that once, when i was about 4, we were up in maine and i wandered out to the porch and said happily, “there’s a dog in the grocery store.”“what?” said my parents.“dog,”
neilnevins:Had a dream that McDonald’s had a big ad campaign that just said “WE HAVE IT” in black cryptic writing. So I went to a drive thru and said “I saw the sign. Can I have it” and the speaker was silent for a solid ten seconds before saying
lesbilicious: My neighbour’s daughter from across the road said that she had lost her key, her boyfriend had stood her up and her parents were away. I let her in of course…. and said that she could stay the night, if she wanted. I went to retrieve
the-not-green-one: 15yearold: today my teacher said “take out something to do when you’re done with your quiz” and some kid turned around to the girl next to him after he finished and said “can i take you out so i can do you?” my teachers
geothebio: so this guy came up to me and said “hey what’s your name cutie?” and i accidentally said “steve” because i was thinking of the avengers at the time
15yearold: today my teacher said “take out something to do when you’re done with your quiz” and some kid turned around to the girl next to him after he finished and said “can i take you out so i can do you?” my teachers face waS SO RED I THOUGHT
I don’t get how a lot of kids curse at their parents like what the hell. And strangely it’s white kids most of the time. If I said any curse word or whatever to my parents they’d kick my ass until I had no idea what said curse word meant
enterthedreamatorium: If you’re a boy who walked up to younger/nerdier girls in the hallway during high school and said “hey my friend thinks you’re cute” and then burst into giggles along with said friend then I really hope you’re doing badly
lovelyandbrown: earlier today at target this sweet older white lady who rang me up was staring at me, then finally said your skin is so rich and deep, like really good coffee. you must love your complexion. i honestly answered her and said it took me
imqu3llyb: hoes-nd-clothes: sahltytequila: always luv this photo Isn’t this the photo chief keef posted after fucking that girl from bad girls club No that was a fake facebook chief keef said, and nancy tweeted and said she’s never met chief
nipploveforfun: Tracey was walking into the gym as Mr. Crude was walking out. He immediately noticed her hard nipples and said, “You can’t be cold! It’s too warm out here in the sunshine.”Tracey looked up at him, grinned and said, “No, I’m
As Mr. Crude walked up to Jackie, she leaned forward, looked back at him and said, “Did I ever tell you about my rape fantasy?”Stunned, he replied, “No, you didn’t.”Jackie leaned over a little more and said, “Yeah, so, an older man, say,
When Corey walked onto the patio she paused and said, “Come on ladies. Let’s go get us some Crude cock.”Diamond looked up and said, “You two go ahead. My asshole is still sore from last night. I made the mistake of telling him I wanted an anal
As Jane pulled on the waistband of her thong she looked into Mr. Crude’s eyes and said, “Emily and I will do anything you want. Anything.”Staring back at her he responded, “Anything?”“Absolutely anything,” said Emily, “as long as it’s