dutchster
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dutchster: oh
dutchster:i don’t have plans for tonight or the rest of my life if anyone wants to have a drink or get married
dutchster: if you bring a dog near me i’m sorry but i will pet it and talk to it like it’s a child and probably want to take it home
dutchster: don’t underestimate the lengths i will go just to pet a puppy i see in the distance
dutchster: when people in front of me walk slow
dutchster: society is a bunch of people shaming each other more and more until nobody can love, cry, fuck, eat or exist anymore without feeling bad about it
dutchster: guys i got this new dildo but i’m not sure how it works?
dutchster: my demons have been gaining a lot of weight. i think it’s time for some exorcise
dutchster: when you wake up and a post of yours has gotten tons of notes overnight
dutchster: when my post with a typo in it gets tons of notes
dutchster: the way dogs act when i see them again makes me feel like i’m doing something right in my life
dutchster: hold on. you want me, a MAN, to buy this body wash which doesn’t have the word “SPORT” in the name and it doesn’t say FOR MEN anywhere? nice try, pal
dutchster: i accidentally spilled monster energy drink in my fish bowl and now my goldfish won’t stop saying “bro” and keeps flexing its fins
dutchster: If you ever think an undercover cop is following you, yell “crime is good!”. the cop is required to yell “no, crime is bad!” at all times. that is the law
dutchster: chrispbaconjr: poisonwifey: bedbish: “I know its hard” “stop crying” “Im glad so many people could come” “i’m sorry, were you close?”
dutchster: maybe the reason i can’t sleep is because there are enemies nearby
dutchster:i used to be passive aggressive, but now i’m aggressively passive. don’t mess with me kiddo. i’ll be right here. i’ll fucking forgive you
dutchster: when it’s november 1st
dutchster: tastefullyoffensive: My kind of party. (via _cooper) Wait! there’s more! this is the best thing ever
dutchster: handing over the planet to the next generation like
dutchster: i’m very sorry for making you aware of your own blinking at this moment
dutchster: *sneaks into your house to replace the star on top of your christmas tree with my selfie*
dutchster: what
dutchster: don’t forget these
dutchster:this was the result of a korean high school having no rules for their senior photos
dutchster: if dinosaurs are dead then explain how they casted the dinosaurs for jurassic park
dutchster:*sneaks into your house to replace the star on top of your christmas tree with my selfie*
dutchster: get rich or die 9 times trying
dutchster: nflstreet: tumblrs demographic: 13-25 year olds tumblr ads: want a reverse mortgage when you retire? no? how about a whole box of werther’s originals for 25 percent off? check out this nursing home i can’t believe people still think
dutchster: when the doorbell rings and i know it’s the pizza guy
dutchster: i’m sleeping under the christmas tree because i’m a gift
dutchster: softlyshine:think it’s a good sign that 2019 is starting on a tuesday.. tuesday again ? no problem
dutchster: this pupper is doing a frighten
dutchster:life may be rough but boobs are really really soft
dutchster:*crashes bike while checking out a cute dog*
dutchster: when you’re at a party and find the dog
dutchster:I just saw a gif of anal sex on my dashboard, but thankfully the blog’s avatar was pixelated for my safety
dutchster: worldpeaces: can we just take a second to realize that there are 14 year olds that weren’t born in the 90’s. just fucking let that sink in. what the fuck does he want now
dutchster: date night
dutchster: “you’re cute”cute like you wanna pinch my cheeks or cute like you wanna make love to me
dutchster: I promise you this will be worth watching (and listening)
dutchster: why do people care so much about valentine’s day. don’t they know they can eat chocolate and masturbate any other day of the year?
dutchster: when you feel the first cramp
dutchster: you heard her, now have some respect and let it go, stop reblogging the pictures
dutchster: it’s a really bad idea to flush condoms through the toilet. the fish can get caught in them and this will make fishermen laugh so hard they could fall off their boat
dutchster: phanistheshit: princessdaisyofficial: IM LAUGHING SO MUCH HE’S LITERALLY THE DEFINITION OF HUMAN TRASH omfg “don’t jump to conclusions” this little fuck very relevant text post
dutchster: i’m very sorry for making you aware of your own blinking at this moment No you’re not. You’re probably laughing at how uncomfortable I am now that I have this information. That’s why I’m not sorry for pointing out
dutchster: do parents feel offended when their kids call themselves ugly like hey those are my genetics you’re talking about
dutchster: “this pizza is gonna go straight to my butt” i say as i grab the pizza and slap it against my butt
dutchster: i have such a busy schedule. i may have to cut out “studying” to make room for “crying over tv shows” and “4 hour nap”
dutchster: don’t you hate it when money goes away when you spend it
