dutchster
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dutchster: and the battle continues
dutchster: when you have the hiccups while trying to sleep
dutchster: when you wake up with a boner and someone is waiting for you to get out of bed right away
dutchster: get rich or die 9 times trying
dutchster:when you look inside the toilet before you flush
dutchster: sometimes my selfies don’t get the attention they deserve but it’s ok because van gogh wasn’t appreciated in his time either
dutchster: if dinosaurs are dead then explain how they cast the dinosaurs for jurassic park
dutchster: when my friend starts talking to someone i don’t know without introducing me
dutchster: If you ever think an undercover cop is following you, yell “crime is good!”. the cop is required to yell “no, crime is bad!” at all times. that is the law
dutchster: when i see a clothing item i like and check the price tag
dutchster: dating tip #23: find someone who is willing to date you
dutchster: don’t forget these
dutchster: whisper the three words every girl wants to hear: “let’s order pizza”
dutchster: when you wake up and a post of yours has gotten tons of notes overnight
dutchster: tastefullyoffensive: My kind of party. (via _cooper) Wait! there’s more! this is the best thing ever
dutchster: he did change from right-handed to left-handed
dutchster: I just saw a gif of anal sex on my dashboard, but thankfully the blog’s avatar was pixelated for my safety
dutchster: this was the result of a korean high school having no rules for their senior photos
dutchster: HOW ADORABLE IS THIS KITTY a cat I want ; w; <3
dutchster: this is so cute
dutchster: hey do you come here often? because it’s really sticky… Ha. HA. I get it.
dutchster: whiteboards are remarkable. Ha. I see what you did there.
dutchster: heydiddlehiddleston: does your brain ever just produce disturbingly violent thoughts out of nowherelike terrible, horrible, thoughtsfor no reason at alland then you snap out of it and you’re like i don’t want to kill my momwhat the fuck
dutchster: imagine if penises could cum chocolate milk
dutchster: i don’t think i ever want to see what a divorce is like on game of thrones
dutchster: lady—hulk: It just keeps…… getting. …. better
dutchster: i accidentally spilled monster energy drink in my fish bowl and now my goldfish won’t stop saying “bro” and keeps flexing it’s fins
dutchster: trying to pee with a boner Actually I prefer form a sideways V shape.
dutchster: the-tie-guy: iamtravellingwiththedoctor: thekrustykr4b: who needs punk rock when you can have punk cock that could have been a very different picture I am glad it wasn’t
dutchster: don’t forget all dads have mustaches. if your dad doesn’t have one, he’s not your real dad. be aware
dutchster: i can’t masturbate unless the space jam theme song is playing in the background
dutchster: when they say the name of the movie in the movie
dutchster: when you lean forward in the car the seatbelt is like “WAIT TOO FAST I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO DIE” like aw someone cares about me
dutchster: pigeons could fly anywhere and explore the world but they just spend their lives pooping on cars
dutchster: masturbation is a touchy subject
dutchster: when you try to flick away a bug but it comes towards you instead
dutchster: maybe you should go sit at a lake and feed some ducks if you are such a shitty person that people loving themselves makes you mad Dude… what did the ducks ever do to you? Not cool.
dutchster: why isn’t talking in your sleep called napchat
dutchster: honoronher: vinegod: Didn’t see that one coming by Thomas Sanders THIS IS MY FAVORITE VINE OF ALL TIME Finally. A vine I almost like. I thought they were all just stupid as fuck. I stand corrected.
dutchster: why is it called common sense if it’s so rare Its not. If you don’t have it you’re a weirdo or american.
dutchster: when i’m a pinky toe and i see the corner of a piece of furniture
dutchster: i just saw this bird fly down from the heavens in a majestic sweep and then it tried to eat a rock. what a beautiful loser
dutchster: russianmetero: i am typing with russian accent how the hell did you force me to read that with a russian accent
dutchster: this girl wanted me to motorboat her but i don’t have a boat what should i do :(
dutchster: so how’s this position?“yeah i like it”are you sure“yeah you can thrust me”
dutchster: when bees have stung you, they’re nothing but big ass holes
dutchster: “you bet your sweet ass!”*bets ass**wins a million butts*nice
dutchster: i sleep naked so mosquitoes can enjoy an all you can eat buffet
dutchster: “this pizza is gonna go straight to my butt” i say as i grab the pizza and slap it against my butt
dutchster: “big boobs don’t count if you’re fat” neither does a big dick if half of it is your personality
dutchster: Do the birds and bees ever hang out or do they just fuck every time?
dutchster: how to get laid1. find a couch2. lay on it3. i’m so lonely
dutchster: *leaves coin on railroad track**train runs over it*that’s so cool!*notices coin is much longer*hmm…*unzips pants*
dutchster: when people start clapping at the end of a movie
dutchster: when you need to pee but there’s already someone using the toilet
