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freakyboysonly: walking back to the house with my stepbrother. Told him I wanted some rough sex, he said him too then asked if I ever messed around with a dude. I said yea and he was like word?! We were silent til we got home and went straight to work
crazynerdandproud: chosenprat: I punched a guy bc he was making rape jokes and one of the things he said was “what’s the difference between yes and no? Nothing” so I asked him if he’d care if I punched him in the face and he said yes but I did
mollywobbles123: onlydadjokes: I asked my nephew how old his dad was and he replied “six”. I said how can he only be six if you’re six? He said “because he’s only been a dad since I was born”
marvelobsessions: At the dinner table, my sister asked all of us what color we thought her boyfriend’s shirt looked like. After we all said gray, she turned to him and said “now tell them what color you think it is” and he just quietly replied
foxmouth: “A lot of people just look and see skin color. I’ve actually had people ask me was I Black or was I White first. A White gentleman came up to me and said ‘I thought you might be White, but then I saw your lips.’ One girl said to me
teatrical: i have a friend whos gay and one day we asked him what was like to have “the conversation” with his parents, like telling them he was gay and he just said he never told them, and then he said “my brother who’s straight never went to
mydogsnokes: hedgehowg: mydogsnokes: why put cookie dough in the oven when you can put it in your mouth I don’t know why don’t you ask the bread baking in my vagina. i’m sorry for whatever i said that caused you to say what you just said
trump,the other canidates are asked questions in response to thing you’ve said because you have said a lot of very weird things and it isimportant to know where they stand in relation to you Mr. wild card. thank you kasich for bringing it back to the
actualmollyweasley: I babysat for a couple tonight who went to see Hamilton. The wife got home and said she cried. I of course asked what part she cried at. She said non stop, which seemed weird. But then she told me that on Friday she’s becoming an
bound-indulgence: I lived up to my part of the bargain. You said I could tie you up, but asked me to leave your jeans on, while I tied you up. So I did. You said nothing, in regards to after you were tied, however. So now it is time to to cut off
redvisors: “We’ve decided we don’t care about getting into trouble anymore.””Have you ever?” asked Hermione.”Course we have,” said George. “Never been expelled, have we?””We’ve always known where to draw the line,” said Fred.”We
bucklesup: my health teacher asked for different ways to prevent pregnancy and i said “do it in the butt” and i got extra credit because no one has ever said that before
foxnewsofficial: my friend lost his mobile the other day so i asked if he wanted me to phone him and he said it was on silent so there was no way of finding it and i said well if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it he didn’t laugh
chosenprat: I punched a guy bc he was making rape jokes and one of the things he said was “what’s the difference between yes and no? Nothing” so I asked him if he’d care if I punched him in the face and he said yes but I did it anyway since there’s
homotrekual: omfG my spanish flatmate just turned to me and said ‘i need to ask you something embarrassing’ so i sort of said oh yeah sure no problem and he was like ‘people keep telling me they are having 'two sex’?’ '…sorry?’
percypan: THIS GUY JUST ASKED ME WHAT MY NAME WAS AND I DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT HE SAID SO I SAID 4:45
steadymobbing: steadymobbing: i asked my mom how she met my dad and she said at a college basketball game this guy got distracted and got hit by the ball and got a huge bloody nose and he came up to her after the game and said “i was distracted by
wrath-the-furious: assbutt-of-my-dreams:sailorlune:kattomatic:ericjudysbeard:Working at LUSH: the sagaI have had men some into a store I used to work at asking if “this hairspray will work on men” and when I said yes they said “but it’s purple”
lokiloo: So today this family came into the restaurant and I while I was serving them, their son saw my Iron Man and Captain America charms and said ‘Avengers! I love the Avengers!’ I smiled and asked who his favorite was, and he said “Iron Man!’
Reblog if you've ever slit your wrists, said "I'm fine." When you were really broken into pieces, skipped a meal, cried yourself to sleep every night for a week straight, considered suicide, lied and said "good" when someone asked "How are you?" or faked
idratherbevulcan: So today on the bus there was this little boy, he was talking to his mom about how he had a crush on someone in his class. His mom asked him “Oh, what’s her name, honey” and he said “no”. All she said was “Oh, is it a boy
theannieplanet:theannieplanet:before i started dating my boyfriend i had a dream that he asked me out and he said “what should i call you instead of boyfriend/girlfriend because youre agender” and i looked him straight in the eye and said “the vista
roonilwazlip: letthemountainsmoveyou: liamdunburs:kids have no concept of anything. i walked into my kindergarten class and one kid asked me what my name was. when i said miss jones, he said “i like that name. did you know i’m in love with you”
cractasticdispatches: meelothemanly: eyeslikeacat: roonilwazlip: letthemountainsmoveyou: liamdunburs: kids have no concept of anything. i walked into my kindergarten class and one kid asked me what my name was. when i said miss jones, he said “i
nerdgasrnz: marisaauntmay: my brother asked me how I was and I said “well I’m currently procrastinating my emotions” and with the most tired expression I’ve ever seen on his depressed 17 year old face he said “can you please not be so dramatic
assbutt-of-my-dreams:sailorlune:kattomatic:ericjudysbeard:Working at LUSH: the saga I have had men some into a store I used to work at asking if “this hairspray will work on men” and when I said yes they said “but it’s purple” My whole life!
snoopdeer: my friend lost his mobile the other day so i asked if he wanted me to phone him and he said it was on silent so there was no way of finding it and i said well if you liked it then you should of put a ring on it he didn’t laugh and he didn’t
grumpyartiste: mlmofficial: did-you-kno: In 1988, the late Israel Kamakawiwo'ole called a sound studio at 3am, said he had an idea, and asked if he could come record. He was so polite, the studio owner said yes even though it was late. He showed
island-delver-go: dinobot: when i was like 9 i asked my mom what a fetish was and she said “uh..um..its when you love something a lot” and i told her i had a fetish for video games and she just said “no. you dont” Called out for being a fake
pedropascals: I asked my lawyer if I could make that joke and he said, “let me call another lawyer”, and that lawyer said yes. JOHN MULANEYSATURDAY NIGHT LIVE 02/29/2020
sadoeuphemist:A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. “Do I look like a fool?” said the frog. “You’d sting me if I let you on my back!” “Be logical,” said the scorpion. “If I stung you I’d certainly
c-53:Chronic neuron misfire at work where a customer asked what my specialty was, like, what my favorite drink is ig, and I said “wasp cup” and we stared at eachother for a second and I decided to double down for some fucking reason and said “you
hinoneko: initiala: A little girl in my 4th grade class came up to me after recess and said, “I got married at recess!” and I said “Oh? I didn’t know anyone was ordained under the age of twelve.” and she asked me what ordained meant and I
imadumbassjackasspieceofshit: I asked if he liked candles and he said “yeah they’re fire” and I said “yeah they’re lit…sometimes” and he laughed forever
earthdad: earthdad: I just saw a guy that looks like me from the future and I want to talk to him I told him that my friend said we look alike and I asked him for his name and he said his name was Charlie so I guess it wasn’t me from the future
taquito: little kid in line just asked me if i liked his 3000$ shoes and i said idk what they are and he said im just a hypebeast not a sneakerhead
koobaxion: Oh yeah i had a dream i was buying a bright blue Nissan Cube for 200 dollars that had the words “The Candy Man” spraypainted on the side. When I asked the guy selling it how many miles it had he said “four million” and I said, “oh
x-i-l-verify: earthdad: a young child: *tells me basic knowledge* me: no way!!!!!!!! 00000000000: #one time a five year old asked me what the world was made of and i said ‘rocks and dirt and water and stuff’#and he said ‘no silly it’s made
corvell: one-time-i-dreamt: I was walking in the forest during winter, and saw a wendigo sitting under a tree. I asked it if it was going to kill me. It said, “No, this is just a dream.” So I sat next to it in the snow for a bit and then he said,
thekeekster: Tonight at Walmart I saw a little boy ask a little girl if he could hug her because he liked her sweater. The girl (these kids looked to be about 5, MAYBE 6) said no, so the boy said “okay. I like your sweater. Bye.” And then ran back
moviequotes3:i met agent 47 in an elevator today and i asked him what mission he was on and he said he couldnt say its top secret and then winked at me covertly and said he will try to get a good ranking. and i think he will.
weaver-z:Went on a date with a girl today and I said “I love seeing butches in Home Depot, it’s their natural habitat.” and she said “Oh that was me this weekend. Sometimes I go in there and buy bricks.” and I asked “Do
deepthroatdemon: my mom heard the beginning of same love by macklemore and she looked at me and said “when you were 4 you sat in your room and cried for hours and when i asked you what was wrong you said “mom i think i’m black”
nakedwithmydad: My Dad said that I should never hesitate to ask to see his dick…he said that Dads and their sons must never keep anything from each other.
mookieedapornstar: She Said My Dick Look Good Then She Ask Her Did She Want Sum N She Said Hell Yea #Mookieedapornstar #2freaks 👅💦🍆🎥🎬✊🏾
best-of-funny: deepthroatdemon: my mom heard the beginning of same love by macklemore and she looked at me and said “when you were 4 you sat in your room and cried for hours and when i asked you what was wrong you said “mom i think i’m black”
My dad called Pewdiepie retarded and my sister said “No he’s not! All of the other youtubers are!” so I asked her for an example and she said “Game Grumps.”
I was celebrating my one year with Brooklyn and I couldn’t find any money so I asked my dad to borrow his card to get some breakfast and he said yes then later he called me down and was like sorry I need that back to go grocery shopping and I said
