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When I asked my brother what he wanted for his birthday, he jokingly said, “Pizza, beer, video games, and pussy.” I just rolled my eyes and said, “Typical. Well, we’re having dinner together that night so don’t make any plans
becketts: “When my mother was about 7, my grandmother locked her in the closet. So, after my mom had been in the closet for about an hour, she asked my grandmother for a glass of water. My grandmother, naturally, said ‘Why?’ and my mother said
girlswhoswallow: She said she was a kitten, so I asked her if she was having milk for dinner. She said yes.
bwandi78: naughtynnicegirl: naughtynnicegirl: Daddy said… “A lot of your fans are asking for it. They want to see it. You need to show it to them.” Because my Daddy said so here’s my pussy, nice and wet, and up close…
privatefamilytime: When I asked my brother what he wanted for his birthday, he jokingly said, “Pizza, beer, video games, and pussy.” I just rolled my eyes and said, “Typical. Well, we’re having dinner together that night so don’t make any plans!”
“A lot of people just look and see skin color. I’ve actually had people ask me was I Black or was I White first. A White gentleman came up to me and said ‘I thought you might be White, but then I saw your lips.’ One girl said to me ‘I’ve
girlswithcuminthemouth: A girls paradise My brother brought home a freind to show him how good his little sister gives head when they both shot of the freind was asked if I was good he said that I was better than good he said she was great I told
Mom bought some new underwear but thought it might be a bit too sheer. She asked my opinion and I said i thought it looked OK to me. She just smiled and said “Happy Birthday, son. You can unwrap your present now!”
forthesiblings: “Do you have a condom?” I asked. “I never use condoms,” he said, as he slowly entered me. I moaned. “Ok,” I said as he let me adjust, then gently started pumping, “ but you, ahh, have to be, ugh, careful. I’m not, oooh,
“Today in class the teacher asked the question, ‘Is it better to have loved and lost, or to never have loved at all?’ I said, ‘to have loved and lost’ and you said, ‘to have never loved at all.’ I looked at you and you looked at me,
tumnerd: My son saved 120$ in a year, here’s what he decided to do with it: Saturday morning, my son walked into my room and said he wanted to use his money to help the homeless. I asked him what he had in mind, and he said he wanted to make them
impregnatedgirls: It started off innocently as my brother complaining that his girlfriend wouldn’t let him bareback her. When I told him it was my favorite he said “Do you let guys creampie you?” I said yes. Then he asked if I was on birth control
gotsilver: tubbinlondon: thebigbearcave: ok well, I sent the flare up asking IS this all the same guy. The responses I got were positive…. in fact, no one said it WASN’T and one person specifically said IT WAS for a fact the same guy. not taking
beautifulsecrets42: Okay, he asked you to lock his cock in a cage. He said your were in charge of, not only his orgasms, but all your sexual activity. He said you could tease him whenever, wherever, and however you wanted. He told you that he would
Yeah Daddy, I asked him. He said no.Yes, I told him everything, about how long it’s been and how much your balls hurt and you can’t think straight and you’re tossing at night and would do anything to cum, and he said no. I promise, I
doodlesmut: Anonymous said to doodlesmut: so today I woke up with this drawing idea, but my drawing skills are something between the 0 and the 0,001, so I wanted to ask you: would you draw some gloryhole vriska? Anonymous said to doodlesmut:
submissive-william: It was *you* that said you wanted to be locked in a chastity cage. It was *you* that asked me to be your keyholder. It was *you* that said that I should treat you mean. So, after only a week and having changed your mind, it should
I was standing by the bar in a crowded club, and I had an interaction with another person. We apologized at the same time, and then I said sorry again. He then said “Sorry for asking, but why are you sorry? I stepped on your foot!”I apologized for
privatefamilytime: She closed the door behind her with a giggle. “Where are you going?” she asked. “To the kitchen…” I said. “Silly you. You didn’t think the date was over yet, did you, Daddy?” She said with a throaty chuckle. “Mommy
artofmaquenda: PART 1 The Road to Awe “I see the stars in your eyes” said he.“Reflections merely.” Said the crow.“Memories and premonitions” the voice, a soft rebuke.“How can you know such things as the sky will not tell?” crow asked,“I
dadhaveallthefun: “What word did you said at the dinner table?” “I am sorry daddy.” “I asked what word did you said at the dinner table.” “Fuc…k” *smack* “Owww…daddy I am sorry” “Say it again.” “Fuc…”
chosenprat: I punched a guy bc he was making rape jokes and one of the things he said was “what’s the difference between yes and no? Nothing” so I asked him if he’d care if I punched him in the face and he said yes but I did it anyway since there’s
Last night a guy invited me out, asked me what I wanted to do and I said movies but he said, “let’s go to this dive bar” okay whatever after texts from my cousins to stop being a prune I finally find the will to put on jeans and go.Dude shows up
cumspot69:peachemojimami:Last night a guy invited me out, asked me what I wanted to do and I said movies but he said, “let’s go to this dive bar” okay whatever after texts from my cousins to stop being a prune I finally find the will to put on jeans
playernumber16: Whoah, dude, slow the fuck down…who the fuck is Alex, and what do you mean I didn’t used ta be a football player? Listen up bro, I asked Coach about that and he said I’ve always been #6. He said this Alex dude was a total pussy,
Anonymous said:Not an ask, just wanted to say I love your work and I hope you don’t let assholes keep you down. You do you and we will support it! Cheers. They can’t bring me down. I’m emotionally dead already. evothiec said:You say in your
guels said:I just wante to say that I love ┬┴┬┴┤ ͜ʖ ͡°) ├┬┴┬┴ 🇧🇷 Cheers.sovietelite said: Just asking, where is your post about the historical accuracy? It’s regarding Battlefield V
onlydadjokes: I asked my nephew how old his dad was and he replied “six”. I said how can he only be six if you’re six? He said “because he’s only been a dad since I was born”
theartofangirling: island-delver-go: dinobot: when i was like 9 i asked my mom what a fetish was and she said “uh..um..its when you love something a lot” and i told her i had a fetish for video games and she just said “no. you dont” Called
dj-ismine: There’s a box in Dongwoo’s room. One day, Dongwoo’s mom said that she was going to throw it out but Dongwoo refused. Dongwoo’s mom asked why and he said that it has the debt that he has to pay for his whole life. Inside, there’s
xinfinix: When a fan asked him why he was laughing so much in fukuoka he said that someone said to him they saw a picture of him kissing with woohyun credits INFINITEISLIFE
saddeus: The most horrifying moment in high school was when the boy I liked asked me if I was seeing anyone and I said, “no, why?” And he said, “Idk I just really think it would help if u saw like a therapist or something like that”
shelikesithuge:When you asked your girl if you could have unprotected intercourse, she said, “No way.” I guess it was too risky.This guy just straight up said, “I don’t do condoms. It’s either raw, or not at all.”This is the third load he’s
french-toast-with-maple-syrup: SO WE WENT OUT FOR DINNER AND WE STOPPED AT STARBUCKS ON OUR WAY HOME AND I ORDERED AND THEY ASKED ME MY NAME AND I SAID “LORD VOLDEMORT” AND ONCE IT WAS READY I SHIT YOU NOTTHE LADY SAID “TALL VANILLA FRAPPUCINO
deepthroatdemon: my mom heard the beginning of same love by macklemore and she looked at me and said “when you were 4 you sat in your room and cried for hours and when i asked you what was wrong you said “mom i think i’m black”
m456g785445-kkkk-j4h58f7f8g9gl88: yesterday someone at college asked me if i was on tumblr and i said yeas and he said what’s the url and i giggled
idratherbevulcan: So today on the bus there was this little boy, he was talking to his mom about how he had a crush on someone in his class. His mom asked him “Oh, what’s her name, honey” and he said “no”. All she said was “Oh, is it a boy
percypan: THIS GUY JUST ASKED ME WHAT MY NAME WAS AND I DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT HE SAID SO I SAID 4:45
teatrical: i have a friend whos gay and one day we asked him what was like to have “the conversation” with his parents, like telling them he was gay and he just said he never told them, and then he said “my brother who’s straight never went to
mydogsnokes: hedgehowg: mydogsnokes: why put cookie dough in the oven when you can put it in your mouth I don’t know why don’t you ask the bread baking in my vagina. i’m sorry for whatever i said that caused you to say what you just said
mollywobbles123: onlydadjokes: I asked my nephew how old his dad was and he replied “six”. I said how can he only be six if you’re six? He said “because he’s only been a dad since I was born”
my dad just came in the room and asked how i was feeling and then i said a bit weird then he said well we’re all weird so that’s ok and that’s just like really nice wtf
mlmofficial: did-you-kno: In 1988, the late Israel Kamakawiwo'ole called a sound studio at 3am, said he had an idea, and asked if he could come record. He was so polite, the studio owner said yes even though it was late. He showed up 15 minutes
foxmouth: “A lot of people just look and see skin color. I’ve actually had people ask me was I Black or was I White first. A White gentleman came up to me and said ‘I thought you might be White, but then I saw your lips.’ One girl said to me
Must focus on the nice things Female coworker from another department noticed I looked sad and reached out to me. Coworker from my own department asked if I heard him over the phone speaker when I was over by [product], and I said no, he said, “I
aquaflv:one of my friends said she saw eric andre at the women’s march in DC. she asked “are you eric andre or do you just look like him?” and he said “i don’t speak english, i just memorized this sentence phonetically” and left
So my milf co worker I was talking about was at my register buying candy and she said “Courtney, please go pee for me” and I was like??? Um yes Mommy but I just asked her to repeat herself and she said she really has to pee but she can’t
kuroi-himitsu: kuroi-himitsu: “Nakashima-san really suits the image of Nana. Once, while on set she made a mistake with the lines, what she said wasn’t even close to the original dialog. When asked why that happened, she answered, “I said the lines
askblazeandcherry said: yes you do Uhmmm…. what? Like, really, we have no fucking clue what that ask was talking about or why, and now we have no fucking clue as to why you said this.
sunshien:one time my animation lecturer said that betty boop was an lgbt icon and i asked him about it afterwards because i was like “i didn’t kno betty boop is gay?” and he said that she wasn’t gay but was like adopted by gay culture basically
x-i-l-verify: earthdad: a young child: *tells me basic knowledge* me: no way!!!!!!!! 00000000000: #one time a five year old asked me what the world was made of and i said ‘rocks and dirt and water and stuff’#and he said ‘no silly it’s made
corvell: one-time-i-dreamt: I was walking in the forest during winter, and saw a wendigo sitting under a tree. I asked it if it was going to kill me. It said, “No, this is just a dream.” So I sat next to it in the snow for a bit and then he said,
pkslider: pkslider: pkslider: So I got Mcdonald’s today and the person asked for my name for the order so I said “oh, it’s Kyle”, and they repeated it saying “okay, Kyle?” and I said yep!, and then I watched them as they wrote down “Kaeold”
pedropascals: I asked my lawyer if I could make that joke and he said, “let me call another lawyer”, and that lawyer said yes. JOHN MULANEYSATURDAY NIGHT LIVE 02/29/2020
sadoeuphemist:A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. “Do I look like a fool?” said the frog. “You’d sting me if I let you on my back!” “Be logical,” said the scorpion. “If I stung you I’d certainly
lustandgunsmoke: “‘Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you…’ ‘Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit. ‘Sometimes,’ said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. ‘When you are Real, you
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