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mydogsnokes: hedgehowg: mydogsnokes: why put cookie dough in the oven when you can put it in your mouth I don’t know why don’t you ask the bread baking in my vagina. i’m sorry for whatever i said that caused you to say what you just said
hinoneko: initiala: A little girl in my 4th grade class came up to me after recess and said, “I got married at recess!” and I said “Oh? I didn’t know anyone was ordained under the age of twelve.” and she asked me what ordained meant and I
makingupthestory: “I dunno…I don’t think you’re up to it” he said with a shrug.“I can do it…I’ll show you” she said sternly.She showed him, alright.“So can I be in one of your movies?” she asked after he calmed down a little, stroking
freakyboysonly: My cousin asked for a ride home. I said cool but I got one stop. We went to my house and he came in with me. Nigga said you feel like taking some dick. I was a little buzzed and bent my ass over for that D
freakyboysonly: My cousin tried to be slick. Waited til I was high and sleepy to ask to suck my dick. I said nigga you thought I was gonna be too faded to know wassup. I sat back and said do yo thang
mellobreezy: Mood High as fawk feeling great nigga asked wat shit im on i said find out he said he with it ✊🏽#exhibitionism #atlantahotboi #latenightafterhours @blupaige33 @saggerboxxx
ultrafacts: “I said, ‘When do you practice?’ He said, ‘I drive 14 hours a day.’ ” Murray then asked him, “Well, where’s your sax?” The driver replied, “In the trunk.” Murray told the cabbie, “Pull over and get in the back,
lokiloo: So today this family came into the restaurant and I while I was serving them, their son saw my Iron Man and Captain America charms and said ‘Avengers! I love the Avengers!’ I smiled and asked who his favorite was, and he said “Iron Man!’
mollywobbles123: onlydadjokes: I asked my nephew how old his dad was and he replied “six”. I said how can he only be six if you’re six? He said “because he’s only been a dad since I was born”
“I’m sorry, Sir, but I need to return to work,” said Yuki.“Work? What do you mean?” asked Luis.“I… I’m a server here,” said Yuki.“Now that seems silly to me. Your tits are much too large for
“I’ll give you three packs if you suck my dick,” the guy said.“Excuse me?” Kate asked and stared daggers at the man.“You heard me,” the man said. He looked down at Kate’s bulging chest and then back up into her eyes. “You look like a
She closed the door behind her with a giggle. “Where are you going?” she asked.“To the kitchen…” I said.“Silly you. You didn’t think the date was over yet, did you, Daddy?” She said with a throaty chuckle. “Mommy taught me how to
6sg6sg6sg-deactivated20191028:Blow n GoI’d gotten home from the gym and lunch on Saturday when I got a message from JW (not his real name). He said he was nearby and had some time to kill - asked what I was up to. He said he could use a drink and some
steadymobbing: steadymobbing: i asked my mom how she met my dad and she said at a college basketball game this guy got distracted and got hit by the ball and got a huge bloody nose and he came up to her after the game and said “i was distracted by
m456g785445-kkkk-j4h58f7f8g9gl88: yesterday someone at college asked me if i was on tumblr and i said yeas and he said what’s the url and i giggled
assbutt-of-my-dreams: sailorlune:kattomatic:ericjudysbeard:Working at LUSH: the saga I have had men some into a store I used to work at asking if “this hairspray will work on men” and when I said yes they said “but it’s purple” My whole
imessaged: In my 10 year old brother’s class they were asked for “a modern invention you can’t live without” and my brother told me everyone said tv except for him who said “water filtration”
island-delver-go: dinobot: when i was like 9 i asked my mom what a fetish was and she said “uh..um..its when you love something a lot” and i told her i had a fetish for video games and she just said “no. you dont” Called out for being a fake
philsf12: brainjock: The Naked Chef p. 4 Our Cooking Bro finally decided to give us his FULL FACE! Previously, this stud said he didn’t want to show his face because of work, so I asked him why the change of heart??? He said that he no longer gives
blvnk-art: ‘You ran away from home?’ ‘When I was about sixteen,’ said Sirius. 'I’d had enough.’ 'Where did you go?’ asked Harry, staring at him. 'Your dad’s place,’ said Sirius. 'Your grandparents were really good about it; they
idratherbevulcan: So today on the bus there was this little boy, he was talking to his mom about how he had a crush on someone in his class. His mom asked him “Oh, what’s her name, honey” and he said “no”. All she said was “Oh, is it a boy
percypan: THIS GUY JUST ASKED ME WHAT MY NAME WAS AND I DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT HE SAID SO I SAID 4:45
hankmiller1966: Grandpa said I was old enough to learn about sex. I asked if we were having the talk and he said we’d do more than just talk.
kattomatic: ericjudysbeard: Working at LUSH: the saga I have had men some into a store I used to work at asking if “this hairspray will work on men” and when I said yes they said “but it’s purple”
benninowarhol: wavycrokett: st3fan00: Side chick said lets go out to dinner Side chick said when can I meetyour mom Side chick asked too sleepover tonight dudes on the innernet acting like they got a main chick to cheat on
corvell: one-time-i-dreamt: I was walking in the forest during winter, and saw a wendigo sitting under a tree. I asked it if it was going to kill me. It said, “No, this is just a dream.” So I sat next to it in the snow for a bit and then he said,
ramileli replied to your post: wow did house just make a pokemon reference Wait, what? Someone on my dash just asked if he referenced Arceus? yea he said something about arceus but i cant remember what he said
moominpappa said: brooklyn or the monster girl with different faces (!!!!) gerrark said: You know what I want. Anonymous asked you: That one character of yours! His name is NOT coming to me! He’s a genie or somethin, I think? Big ears?
captionspornesp: Mom asked me what MILF means. I said: Mom i like to fuck. After I answered, she wanted to know if I saw her as one. I said yes, not knowing that she would take my answer so literallyMamá me preguntó qué significa MILF. Dije: Mamá
leeterr: Anonymous said:Can you tag your ask posts so I can block them, so I don’t have to see your pathetic retarded attempts at being witty? No, but here have another one. Anonymous said:Come on dude, don’t play dumb. Big “N”, Nintendo,
ONE OF MY STUDENTS JUST ASKED IF I HAD A TUMBLR I SAID “YES, BUT YOU CAN’T FOLLOW ME.” FRICK I’VE SAID TOO MUCH
fckme2dad: At dinner tonight, Dad said he had a special project in the garage and he needed my help, would I come out after we finished dinner. Mom asked him what he was working on. He said it was something special and didn’t want to say. Mom tried
adaddysboy: adaddysboy: My son asked me to take him to the mall today. He said he needed new clothes or something. I’d said I’d take him, so I drove us on down to the mall. I pulled up to the entrance and parked the car. I was just wearing a t-shirt
jjbang8: He asked me for a ride. I told him I was going in the direction opposite of the direction he was going in. He said he understood but he’d like to give me some real good head anyway. I said OK. And the dude is right: He’s good at this.
mlmofficial: did-you-kno: In 1988, the late Israel Kamakawiwo'ole called a sound studio at 3am, said he had an idea, and asked if he could come record. He was so polite, the studio owner said yes even though it was late. He showed up 15 minutes
dreamxeyes: Just saw Christopher Eccleston at galaxy con in a question and answer panel and he was asked if there was any other companion he would trade for Rose to be with, who would he choose. He said he couldn’t do that. He said that Rose is the
hyrude: hyrude:is the world really such a terrible place? yesterday i asked if oat milk was extra and the barista said yes so i said ok just regular milk then and when she gave me my chai latte she whispered “i used oat milk ;)” doesnt that make
marvelobsessions: At the dinner table, my sister asked all of us what color we thought her boyfriend’s shirt looked like. After we all said gray, she turned to him and said “now tell them what color you think it is” and he just quietly replied
rarenico said: Who asked thatluckymallet said: hes fakemattie you’re fake
bitchfacesandsourwolves: A LITTLE GIRL JUST ASKED MATT SMITH IF HE’S SCARED OF THE WEEPING ANGELS AND SHE SAID SHE IS AND MATT SAID IT’S OKAY BECAUSE HE’S THERE TO FIGHT THEM OFF SOBBING
gallifreyansquid: luciferia: SO I WAS REWATCHING THE RIECHENBACH FALL IN THE LIVING ROOM WHILE WATCHING MY NEIGHBORS DAUGHTER SHE WOULDN’T STOP CALLING MY NAME SO I FINALLY ASKED WHAT. SHE SAID SHE SAID “LOOK AT ME I AM SHERLOCK.” Is your neighbor
robert-downey-jesus: I SERVED A KID DRESSED AS IRON MAN TODAY AND I ASKED HIM WHAT HIS NAME WAS AND HE SAID IT WAS TONY AND HIS MUM SHOOK HER HEAD AND WAS LIKE NO HIS NAME IS JESSE AND I LOOKED BACK AT THE KID TO GIVE HIM HIS CHANGE AND SAID ‘HAVE
ceresx: my therapist asked me what makes me happy and I said performing exorcisms and she just looked at me and said ‘and that’s why you’re in therapy’
deepthroatdemon: my mom heard the beginning of same love by macklemore and she looked at me and said “when you were 4 you sat in your room and cried for hours and when i asked you what was wrong you said “mom i think i’m black”
kilifish replied to your post: My little sister just told me an elabo… OH GET HER TO TELL THE ENDING lowkey i wanna draw it………. I asked and at first she said she couldn’t remember but then she came back and said Pearl sang a bunch
My little sister got home from school and she was all sulky so I asked how her day was and she grumpily said “fine.” and then propped her leg up on the arm of a chair and said “but look at what happened.” and pointed to a teeny tiny little scratch
So my best friend was over earlier and I was making my bed and asked him how old he thought person that slept in my bed was and he took a look at my bed and said “ten”. I said but a ten year old would have stuffed animals on their bed, then
necrophilofthefuture: sarahthegoblinqueen: some guy came into our class and the teacher didn’t see him until she was doing attendance she saw him and asked “who let you in?” and he said “Ashley Katchadourian” then someone in the back said
sabrinagrimm: sabrinagrimm: WHEN I WAS 4 I WAS ON SESAME STREET AND I HAD AN INTERVIEW WITH GROVER AND HE ASKED ME HOW IT FELT WHEN I FALL OFF MY BIKE AND I CHUCKLED DARKLY AND SAID “I DON’T FALL OFF MY BIKE” AND HE LOOKED AT THE CAMERA AND SAID
