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vstheworld: princesscinderhella: thepunchdrunkpoet: thepunchdrunkpoet: thats-tea: When i was a kid, a creep tried to lure me away with him in Walmart. I said I’d have to ask my mom (who was on the other side of the store), then went to the nearest
oncelut: my neighbors are fighting and the mom just called her son an ungrateful little cocksucker and he said “that was oNE TIME” i woNDER IF HE Can HEAR M ELAUGHING
perla-k: ifwefallonemoretime: theorginalmiddlechild: helenas-hood: Friendly reminder that yesterday when my mom took me to Walmart she left me alone in the toilet paper section and this guy started hitting on me and I said “Sorry, I’m a lesbian.”
pixyled: and-down-we-go: My Mom just accidentally prematurely sent an email to an accounting firm… It was supposed to say ‘I am afraid that we will have to postpone our meeting” but she hit send when all it said was Hi Jeffrey, I am
oakynymph: chelcperetti: One day when I was fifteen I said “ma you know what’d be funny, Shrek checks.” And she remembered. She held onto that thought for five years. I opened a checking account a month ago and my mom asked me if she could order
voidbat: mishasassbutt: mishasassbutt: my mom just came to me and ranted about how everyone is making this facebook status that says, “raising teenagers is like nailing jello to a tree”. she was so baffled by this because she said, “you were pretty
voidbat: mishasassbutt: mishasassbutt: my mom just came to me and ranted about how everyone is making this facebook status that says, “raising teenagers is like nailing jello to a tree”. she was so baffled by this because she said, “you were
ideas-from-dreams: Had a dream that my mom was a pirate and I was protecting treasure for awhile, until she said she wanted to help me. I still didn’t trust her.
and-down-we-go: My Mom just accidentally prematurely sent an email to an accounting firm… It was supposed to say ‘I am afraid that we will have to postpone our meeting” but she hit send when all it said was Hi Jeffrey, I am afraid
7-11sins: My mom just said “who was that science boy…Timmy? Timmy Testosterone?” She was thinking about Jimmy Neutron
ifwefallonemoretime: theorginalmiddlechild: helenas-hood: Friendly reminder that yesterday when my mom took me to Walmart she left me alone in the toilet paper section and this guy started hitting on me and I said “Sorry, I’m a lesbian.” and he
fujiwaranomokou:when i was around 5 i asked my mom why “some people were different colors” and she said “because god wanted lots of flavors” and let me tell you that was the wrong thing to say because for the next 3 years i thought god ate people
niallar: #dear diary #today i had banana AND an apple #mom said if i brush my hair 100 times it’ll be extra curly #louis smiled at another boy #i must kill that boy #lots of love #xoxo #harry x
dragonpie: ifwefallonemoretime: theorginalmiddlechild: helenas-hood: Friendly reminder that yesterday when my mom took me to Walmart she left me alone in the toilet paper section and this guy started hitting on me and I said “Sorry, I’m a lesbian.”
blackberryshawty: paperstars707: blackberryshawty: i still hold petty grudges from high school and middle school and you know what that’s valid no no it’s not healthy at all, my mom STILL remembers word for word shit people have said in her high
callieohpeee: when i was around 5 i asked my mom why “some people were different colors” and she said “because god wanted lots of flavors” and let me tell you that was the wrong thing to say because for the next 3 years i thought god ate people
neverthehurricane: sherlockchins: sunshien: my mom asked why i don’t read as many books as i used to and i just said it was because i read a lot of unpublished stories from independent writers online and she thinks that’s very good of me to give
inkbloods:my mom put a sign on our doorbell that said “doorbell broken, please yell ding dong very loudly” and soMEONE JUST DID IT
eirenical: voidbat: mishasassbutt: mishasassbutt: my mom just came to me and ranted about how everyone is making this facebook status that says, “raising teenagers is like nailing jello to a tree”. she was so baffled by this because she said,
chicksalloverme: foothive: chicksalloverme:dogs don’t actually look like this lol what the hell but he’s cute i guess my mom saw this post and wanted me to tell you that weenie’s a girl tell her i said thank you for informing me but also please
thisismyveritas: I tried that trick today where you chew gum while chopping onions so you don’t cry and it worked! Then my mom came home and I said, “Hey Mah I’m chopping onions and I’m not crying, know why?” And without even looking up from
nayx: my mom saw me looking at this and said “oh that’s cute, is she one of your friends”
ifwefallonemoretime: theorginalmiddlechild: helenas-hood: Friendly reminder that yesterday when my mom took me to Walmart she left me alone in the toilet paper section and this guy started hitting on me and I said “Sorry, I’m a lesbian.” and
princesscinderhella: thepunchdrunkpoet: thepunchdrunkpoet: thats-tea: When i was a kid, a creep tried to lure me away with him in Walmart. I said I’d have to ask my mom (who was on the other side of the store), then went to the nearest lady. An
love-the-family: - What? Now? Here? But Mom, we’re in the middle of the park! - I do not care, you said that if I bought a PS4 for you, you should lick my pussy anytime I wanted it for a whole month! - What if we change it to I fuck you for a month,
sparklesmikey: voidbat: mishasassbutt: mishasassbutt: my mom just came to me and ranted about how everyone is making this facebook status that says, “raising teenagers is like nailing jello to a tree”. she was so baffled by this because she said,
onlymyfandomheart: perla-k: ifwefallonemoretime: theorginalmiddlechild: helenas-hood: Friendly reminder that yesterday when my mom took me to Walmart she left me alone in the toilet paper section and this guy started hitting on me and I said “Sorry,
thinksexx: Mom always said that you have to work for what you get, so she would sit on my face while I licked her ass and she’d jerk me off as a reward.
kawaiians: my mom refused to buy me ice cream because she said we need to go on a diet but she just walked in on me making a chocolate milkshake out of ice and cocoa powder and i saw it. i saw the fear in her eyes. im adapting and she knows that i will
inkbloods: my mom put a sign on our doorbell that said “doorbell broken, please yell ding dong very loudly” and soMEONE JUST DID IT
humansofnewyork: “My mom grew up in a poor village in Nigeria. Her parents sent her to live with her aunt, who basically treated her like a maid. She said that every day she would pray for her children to be great. Growing up, she’d always address
calicojacksarchive-deactivated2: “My mom has always said that if I get a big head, she’ll take me out of this business as quickly as I got into it.”
south-carolina-southern-belle: My mom just said “so basically tumblr is like your favorite magazine, only it’s just the pages you rip out and put on your wall.” And i now think that is the best description of tumblr I have ever heard.
jpierrepontcriss: my mom was pulling into a parking space today and she asked “am i relatively straight?” and i said “i think that’s something you need to decide for yourself” and she told me to walk home
ifwefallonemoretime:theorginalmiddlechild: helenas-hood: Friendly reminder that yesterday when my mom took me to Walmart she left me alone in the toilet paper section and this guy started hitting on me and I said “Sorry, I’m a lesbian.” and he
