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“Excuse me, but could you help me recover some missing files? I seem to have deleted boobs.”
“I would rip off your clothes at a darkened swimming pool even if there wasn’t a bomb strapped to you.”
“I need someone to take my measurements. Care to volunteer?”
“If I had a chin for every time I thought of you, I’d have no friends.”
“I made you coffee. Do you prefer it black or drugged?”
“You are such a brilliant conductor of light, not even Bluebell can glow as bright as you.”
“I never thought heroes existed until I met you.”
“Is that a riding crop under your coat, or are you just happy to see me?”
“You’re so hot, you’re gonna burn the heart out of me.”
“Whenever I’m with you, I’m hornier than Anderson in a triceratops costume.”
“I would jump in front of a death frisbee for you, my dear.”
“I bet I can make your pulse increase and your pupils dilate.”
“I want to give you head. And I’m not talking about the one in the fridge.”
“I would read your blog even if it wasn’t about me.”
“If you’d let me, I’d twiddle you all day and night.”
“Wanna see firsthand what my purple shirt is made of?”
“I can shoot it so far, not even Vatican Cameos will save you.”
Accidental headcanon: The Holmes brothers are closet Rihanna fans.
“I want to express my love for you in every possible variant available to the English language.”
“I want to grow old, retire, and study bees with you.”
“I may not be The Golem, but I bet I can squeeze the life out of you, if you get what I mean.”
“I wish Mike Stamford would introduce us.”
“I would pretend to be drunk just to go for a ride with you.”
“Will you 221-be mine?”
“I enjoy my jumper collection, but I’d much rather have you on my body instead.”
“I like your purple shirt. How’d you like to see my red pants?” (Thank you so much to andrisbiedrins for sending the screencap. I couldn’t find any images of Martin Freeman wearing red bottoms except as Arthur Dent, and apparently
“Do you like Mexican food? Because I’ll gladly offer you a taste of my fiesta dick.”
“You make me so happy, I spray painted a smiley face on our wall.”
“Would you still love me even if I turned into an Asian woman?”
“I’d let you investigate more than just my crime scenes, if you deduce my meaning.”
“I would keep your mobile phone.”
“Shall I prevent you from being able to deduce me?”
“You give me a 221boner.”
“You grew on me like Harold.”
“How about we both skip your birthday dinner so I can show you my ‘thing’?”
“I’m no Herr Trepoff; the only thing I’m guilty of is loving you.”
“I don’t need an essay about all my friends hating me to know that you love me the most.”
“You’re such a hot Guy, I would steal a motorcycle to get to you.”
“Your perfection has left me completely deaded.”
“I’ll let you kiss me if you crash through a window and ruffle your hair first.”
