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“My suit may be Westwood, but I can give you wood in any direction you like.”

“My suit may be Westwood, but I can give you wood in any direction you like.”

“I don’t just want the D… I want the D.I.”

“I don’t just want the D… I want the D.I.”

“Is your name Lestrade? Because your hair may be silver, but your heart is pure gold.”

“Is your name Lestrade? Because your hair may be silver, but your heart is pure gold.”

“I’m gonna need something bigger than Appledore to store all the reasons why I love you.”

“I’m gonna need something bigger than Appledore to store all the reasons why I love you.”

“I want to go steady with you– steadier than John’s left hand under stress.”

“I want to go steady with you– steadier than John’s left hand under stress.”

“So, I hear you’re abnormally attracted to dangerous situations and people. I can conform to that pattern if you’d like.”

“So, I hear you’re abnormally attracted to dangerous situations and people. I can conform to that pattern if you’d like.”

“I would make you my bride even if you were abominable.”

“I would make you my bride even if you were abominable.”

“When you’re away, I miss you more than John misses the battlefield.”

“When you’re away, I miss you more than John misses the battlefield.”

“You’re carved into my heart like I.O.U. on an apple.”

“You’re carved into my heart like I.O.U. on an apple.”

“I bet I can make you wetter than the fandom’s post-Reichenbach tears.”

“I bet I can make you wetter than the fandom’s post-Reichenbach tears.”

“Are you Jonathan Small’s belt blade? Because I want you inside of me.”

“Are you Jonathan Small’s belt blade? Because I want you inside of me.”

“You’re hotter than Molly Hooper at a Christmas party.”

“You’re hotter than Molly Hooper at a Christmas party.”

“Don’t leave me hanging. I’m not the mannequin in 221b.”

“Don’t leave me hanging. I’m not the mannequin in 221b.”

“Are you Mrs. Hudson’s cooking? Because I want you inside of me.”

“Are you Mrs. Hudson’s cooking? Because I want you inside of me.”

“Are you the Diogenes Club? Because you leave me speechless.”

“Are you the Diogenes Club? Because you leave me speechless.”

“Without you, I’m deader than a Flight 007 passenger.”

“Without you, I’m deader than a Flight 007 passenger.”

“I like blondes… even speckled blondes.”

“I like blondes… even speckled blondes.”

“If I inhaled Project H.O.U.N.D. fog right now, you not loving me would be my fear hallucination.”

“If I inhaled Project H.O.U.N.D. fog right now, you not loving me would be my fear hallucination.”

“If you were naked in front of me, I would never tell you to put on a napkin.”

“If you were naked in front of me, I would never tell you to put on a napkin.”

“When I said you were very ugly, I meant it in John Watson Sign Language.”

“When I said you were very ugly, I meant it in John Watson Sign Language.”

“I may eat breakfast in The Stranger’s Room, but I certainly don’t want to be a stranger to you.”

“I may eat breakfast in The Stranger’s Room, but I certainly don’t want to be a stranger to you.”

“You may not be Emelia Ricoletti’s corpse, but I’d be happy to chain you to your bed anyway.”

“You may not be Emelia Ricoletti’s corpse, but I’d be happy to chain you to your bed anyway.”

“Who’s the cutest person in the room? YoOoOoOoU!”(This one only works if you say “you” in Emelia’s voice, haha.)

“Who’s the cutest person in the room? YoOoOoOoU!”(This one only works if you say “you” in Emelia’s voice, haha.)

“If I tried to deny my love for you, it’d be less convincing than Hooper in a mustache.”

“If I tried to deny my love for you, it’d be less convincing than Hooper in a mustache.”

“I need you more than Lestrade needs a drink when he’s afraid.”

“I need you more than Lestrade needs a drink when he’s afraid.”

“Dating you would be an even better idea than MI5 security.”

“Dating you would be an even better idea than MI5 security.”

“Do you have a secret twin? Because if so, I’d love to get acquainted with both of you.”

“Do you have a secret twin? Because if so, I’d love to get acquainted with both of you.”

“Are you the other me in the other place? Because I think you’re pretty damn smart.”

“Are you the other me in the other place? Because I think you’re pretty damn smart.”

“You not loving me would mean more misfortune and disaster than the Second Afghan War.”

“You not loving me would mean more misfortune and disaster than the Second Afghan War.”

“Without you, my heart is more broken than the glass used to create Emelia Ricoletti’s ghost.”

“Without you, my heart is more broken than the glass used to create Emelia Ricoletti’s ghost.”

“Ignore the illustrator. You’re so unforgettable, I would recognize you with or without a mustache.”

“Ignore the illustrator. You’re so unforgettable, I would recognize you with or without a mustache.”

“Kiss me until my lipstick is smeared like Emelia Ricoletti’s.”

“Kiss me until my lipstick is smeared like Emelia Ricoletti’s.”

“I would rather receive an envelope with five orange pips than be without you.”

“I would rather receive an envelope with five orange pips than be without you.”

“I could never nearly forget you.”

“I could never nearly forget you.”

“I want you more than The Strand readers want proper murders.”

“I want you more than The Strand readers want proper murders.”

“I would put on a black veil and pretend to be a client just to see you.”

“I would put on a black veil and pretend to be a client just to see you.”

“I am glad you liked my potato, but I bet that’s not the only thing about me you would like.”

“I am glad you liked my potato, but I bet that’s not the only thing about me you would like.”

“Are you a plum pudding? Because I would want you inside of me even if it took four months and eleven days off my life.”

“Are you a plum pudding? Because I would want you inside of me even if it took four months and eleven days off my life.”

“Forget the visible rings of fat around my corneas. Right now the only ring I care about is the one I’m going to propose to you with.”

“Forget the visible rings of fat around my corneas. Right now the only ring I care about is the one I’m going to propose to you with.”

“If you were 221b, I would never let the illustrator make you drab and dingy.”

“If you were 221b, I would never let the illustrator make you drab and dingy.”

“You’re sweeter than all of the plum pudding in the Diogenes Club.”

“You’re sweeter than all of the plum pudding in the Diogenes Club.”

“I know what a nurse is capable of, but I still say that you’re excessively skilled for one.”

“I know what a nurse is capable of, but I still say that you’re excessively skilled for one.”

“If you were one of the reporters outside, I would do so much more than just make tea for you.”

“If you were one of the reporters outside, I would do so much more than just make tea for you.”

“Will you be my enemy that I must certainly lose to?”

“Will you be my enemy that I must certainly lose to?”

“Poetry or truth? Well, if we’re talking about your beauty, I’d say they’re the same thing.”

“Poetry or truth? Well, if we’re talking about your beauty, I’d say they’re the same thing.”

“I must be Moriarty, because I can live without the back of my head easier than I can live without you.”

“I must be Moriarty, because I can live without the back of my head easier than I can live without you.”

“I heard you have a mouth like a crimson wound. Shall I kiss it better for you?”

“I heard you have a mouth like a crimson wound. Shall I kiss it better for you?”

“Hounds freak me out. You should show me your pussy instead.”

“Hounds freak me out. You should show me your pussy instead.”

“I wanna give you the ol’ Raz-zle dazzle.”

“I wanna give you the ol’ Raz-zle dazzle.”

“Show me your Lady Bracknell and I’ll give you my salty seaman.”Submitted (with photo suggestion) by a user who requested to remain anonymous.

“Show me your Lady Bracknell and I’ll give you my salty seaman.”Submitted (with photo suggestion) by a user who requested to remain anonymous.

“Forget the morgue. My real favorite room is your bedroom.”

“Forget the morgue. My real favorite room is your bedroom.”

“Whenever I’m in your arms, I feel more secure than Sherrinford.”

“Whenever I’m in your arms, I feel more secure than Sherrinford.”

“I must be a Patience Grenade. Every move you make makes me about to blow.”

“I must be a Patience Grenade. Every move you make makes me about to blow.”

“Are you the night Magnussen got shot? Because I’d like to slap my ‘D-notice’ on your ‘incident.’“

“Are you the night Magnussen got shot? Because I’d like to slap my ‘D-notice’ on your ‘incident.’“

“Are you my flash drive? Because I would smash six busts of Margaret Thatcher just to get you back.”

“Are you my flash drive? Because I would smash six busts of Margaret Thatcher just to get you back.”

“I don’t need to be actually wetting myself in order to tell the truth about how much I love you.”

“I don’t need to be actually wetting myself in order to tell the truth about how much I love you.”

“You’re cooler than a dangerous breakfast.”

“You’re cooler than a dangerous breakfast.”

“How anyone could not love you is harder to figure out than how an old lady could die of hypothermia in a sauna.”

“How anyone could not love you is harder to figure out than how an old lady could die of hypothermia in a sauna.”

“I can’t keep my knackered, weary, old eyes off of you.”

“I can’t keep my knackered, weary, old eyes off of you.”

“Are you Victor Trevor? Because whenever I’m with you, all around me is well.”

“Are you Victor Trevor? Because whenever I’m with you, all around me is well.”

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