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13.5 hours in bed. Maybe I should get up and actually do something with my vacation this week instead of sleeping it away like I did back in June?
IDK wtf is wrong with me. THis will be the 2nd time in a week and in 10 years im going to bed before midnight due to exhaustion. Im usially p to like 3 or 4 am but not tonight. unless I cant sleep or only sllep for a couple hours, Im just so dizzy ad
woke up and couldn’t slepp and after 15 minutes of digging around in the cabinet i found severe cold and flu relief cough syrup. It was the only thing with a decongestant so i took it. not that this is severe, it’s just really fucking annoying that
My room is one hell of a mess considering It was spotless on thursday, and I havent even been home since friday, and thats not even counting my suitcase and bags.
Long day at work. Not done yet. Taking a break then pushing to finish stuff off afterward.
FUCK EVERYTHING MY FUCKING VACATION WAS NOT FUCKING LONG ENGOUHGH,NASGUIOSDAJ
I still think its really fucked up that I left for work at 4PM and didnt get home until 1 fucking am. I should have been and was planning to be out by around 10 pm or just after but nooo shithead coworkers cand be assed to tell me that theyre on vaction
This week sucked. I did not need all the shit I had to do at work. It is incredibly draining to travel for hours to see friends and all I needed was one day to recover but instead I got 5 days of nonstop hell. I’m not even sure if last week actually
It seems the more I try to look at myself objectively, is the more I see the negative aspects, and those far outweigh the positives, and the positives are negated by the fact that people make me anxious so it’s not even possible to share the positive
I barely even want to try to talk to people here as it seem that when I try sending things to people that I think they’ll like or tagging people in stuff or even giving out information that is asked for I hardly ever get a response. I’ve done tests
I went to the chiropractor today and there’s a new person that’s just been hired as a replacement to the creepy one that’s been missing for weeks and they’re nice but they seem to over hype my injuries. Yeah they hurt. Sometimes a fuckton. But
I outran blue and red flashing lights earlier this week. It was a rush and it was just a thought out of no where to just go for it cause I would have been totally fucked if caught. they were on the other side of the road and had to go up to turn around
Looking back at everything I’ve wanted to be there’s always been one thing that’s important to know that I was never able to fully understand how to do that’s crucial to the job in every case(such as being good with and even certified to work
it seems the more I find out about myself, the worse and alienated I feel. The worst part is that therapy would make things worse. I’ve had horrible therapists in programs that did horrendous damaging things including the destruction of items that
Ive been incredibly busy with work and have been so tired and I was downstairs talking to my mom and then I said I needed to leave and for some reason started walking bacwards in a circle in the middle of the living room sayong whoa whoa whoa because
Ive noticed a gradual IDK almost maybe phasing into remembering my days at work since the evil boss lost his job, and overall my memory seems to have improved. However, I still cringe and wonder what I did wrong as reflex when someone says they need
You know what type of people suck? Homophobic people that try to use someones sexual orientation as a reason they’re a shitty person, and then judge others the same way. a couple months ago I saw a friend I hadn’t seen in almost 2 years. He
I hate when Im at work and I suddenly forget where I am and what Im doing and why Im there and I just panic for a couple minutes and it sucks
doing some cleaning. I just took a 2011 calendar off the wall. I figured it was time.
I’ve been working 6 days a week, been having violent nightmares that I’m so shook up over I can’t document them and they fade out before the fear goes away so I still can’t document them, and I’m so tired. I’m still doing better than last
I’m not addicted to cigarettes. Well, not in the sense of withdrawal when I don’t smoke for a few days. What makes me keep smoking is to keep the “benefits” of quitting away. Such as hypersensitivity to tastes, smells, and touch. Smoking seems
I should have been in bed like 2-3 hours ago because Im traveling tomorrow and I need to finish packing because ive been kinda just half assing this week and I didn’t really get everything I needed to done and have been a slug. I’m going up
Ive been feeling kinda weird again the past couple of hours. Kinda like the top half of me is floating above and off to the side of my legs.
I remember a post on a now defunct website I read back from maybe 2007-08 that a guy who was an airline mechanic (verified) made a post that he had been laid off and it was his last day on the job and he had just finished putting a turbine engine back
I have a dentist appointment and my stomach is hurting :(
Dentist went well and I had time to do stuff around the house before work. Stomach is still a little off though.
I fucking hate myself.
I have the scuzzy buzz of an panic attack but without the freak out part.
nevermind heres the anxiety
Its funny that Ive had a lot of time off from work recently (not really, but time off that’s not expected seems to be longer) but it hasnt really been restful and while I haven’t been completely ok, at least Ive been kind of productive. just
Sometimes I wish people would check on me because literally no one does. There’s like maybe 2 people that might even care but that could just be my imagination.
why is everything so unpredictable? shit needs to stop surprising me because its exhausting. I was doing well for a while too until things started happening too much
I just want things to stop.
I’m anxious and feel unsafe
why am i even still up? its not like I have any reason to be awake. It doesnt really matter much though. Im just as useless awake as I am when asleep. But when Im asleep I don’t have to think about it.
How and why am I still alive?
I want to die.
I was eating pistachio nuts and I pulled the shell off of one to find another shell inside. I opened that shell to find…Nothing. I am that shell in a shell that’s good for nothing but wasting someones time.
for someone with no real responsibilities or social life other than a job and a phone bill I sure get overwhelmed easilly
Sometimes I think about trying to interact with my mutuals but then I get embarrassed and anxious and it fucks me up. Because is a great way to make friends is to randomly tell them creepy or weird shit.
I’m trying to go to sleep but when I close my eyes I see green visuals on darkness like in 5 he matrix.
You know what sucks? Wishing you had friends to hang out with, but knowing that you don’t have the energy to actually maintain proper friendships, and knowing it would be unfair to any potential person you might happen to try to make friends with.
IVew been so fucked up for like a month. Cant focus at work Ive been mostly neglecting my best friend Everything sucks :(
I hate how fast things seem to go in life. It just stresses me out. Sometimes I feel Like my brain is too overclocked and is experiencing errors, resulting in a slower processing rate. Almost like a knock sensor in a car, pulling timing out and running
I just want to be normal.
I want to extend a sincere fuck you to the ho/_nda car company for this fucking recall that is ruining every single night of my life at work.
Im really starting to hate my job.
Things need to slow down and STOP HAPPENING
Having friends just isn’t worth the trouble.
it seems that the only one I will ever cuddle with and fall asleep with is my Chespin plush. I could never allow myself to disturb an actual living person with my leg pumping and tossing and turning. Cats won’t even stay with me.
I think I’ve figured out why people stop talking g to me. I’m boring g and they get sick of how unintresting i am and realize there’s nothing of worth to be had from knowing me
I want to talk with people. Just talk about nothing in particular. Everything goes into overdrive when I think about it and I panic when I even think about it. I pretty much just look at your names and freak the fuck out.
I’m laying in bed trying to rest and I have a headache and I keep seeing giant chess pieces (rook, bishop, and knight) orbiting a floating toilet when I close my eyes.
I keep hallucinating very real seeming interactions with random people at work. I’m pretty sure I’m at home but it’s very disorienting to keep jumping back and forth
I don’t have the time to get things that need to be done at home finished , mostly because I’m so tired from work. I can take vacations but when I take a week off nothing gets done and I just spend the whole time sleeping until it’s time to go
I just finished cleaning up my room a bit and putting away clean laundry that had been washed last week and pulled some more stuff out of the dryer that had been there for 2 days and did another load thats currently in the dryer. I also went through some
I had a long “me work” weekendFirst I slept like 13 hours on saturday then spent 4 hours working on the “racecar” I own, then relaxed because my back was really hurting.I did some cleaning and read some stuff Ive had saved to review. I was exahusted
THis year has still been shitty but at least Im sorta getting things accomplished.
I just want to catch up. This house is so messy and cluttered and the yard has been neglected for years and I’m still only halfway though the first step of getting the yard back in shape. There are trees that need to be cut down before they fall down,
I just found out that someone I knew died a year ago. I mean I’m sad, but not completely distraught about it. Disappointed because I hadn’t seen them for a while, but how did I miss the miles of memorial facebook posts?
