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I hate things about myself that I can’t even control in the first place. That doesn’t change the fact that they absolutely disgust me though.
Fuck this shit. After work tonight I’m getting drunk. Its only 12 hours away, but to me that’s like 2 days. I slept so shitty last night its like 2 days went by already. I’m sick of the way time passes for me. Maybe I should be cutting
Just ordered a couple shirts!!! http://www.redbubble.com/people/huckblade/works/9708060-not-your-average-pony?body_color=asphalt&p=t-shirt&print_location=front&ref=shop_grid&style=mens and The Ash Ketchum shirt is a child XL which should
Also, that apparently was my 2000th post!! Who know I would stick around on this site for that long?
This weather is absolute garbage.
I should do something productive like mow the lawn or something. Its like up to my knees because I’m a lazy piece of shit.
lol I’m 2/3s of the way done with mowing the lawn and I’m getting over an asthma attack and my mom was downstairs cleaning the cat litter boxes and also having an asthma attack. It is not nice outside. I still have to collect garbage and
Well, I did a thing today. I also crashed a lawn tractor into a tree and knocked it over, but I did a thing!!
Bed tired sleeep. Need brain no think
Just found my 3ds blinking battery low and it kinda upset me because it made me think about that post about Pokemon trainers dying and their Pokemon stuck in their pokeballs wondering what happened to them before fading away into nothingness :’(
I just found a 50 year old ball peen hammer up in my room and I can’t remember why I brought it up here or even when in the past few days as my room was spotless just on sunday.
Its just about 3:30PM. Maybe I should think about getting out of bed?
So far I’ve spent about 95% of my day in my room reading about 6 months worth of magazines, 9 weeks worth of newspaper comics, opening 4 months of random bits of mail along with destroying some old and sensitive documents I came across. The other
I’m exhausted and want to go to sleep. It just sucks that the thoughts I’m currently having are intensified when I get into bed. Time to just deal with it and hope I get enough rest to do my errands tomorrow.
That moment when you’re really worried about someone but you don’t want to annoy them because they’re probably ok and might get upset if you bother them and you don’t want to worry others needlessly so you just kinda do nothing
I feel/felt really shitty today, but then I remembered I have Pokemon merch that’s on the truck to arrive today and now I feel a little better. Its enough to get me out of bed before 2pm so thats good!!
An addendum for that post would be that I I never intended to even be on this site. I became friends with someone as an anon. I pretty much originally made this page just so I could talk to them easier but I’ve been branching out from there and
I’m kinda finding it funny that my posts make it sound like I’m 14 or so when I get excited about something. Its even funnier because I’m really a “responsible” (for the most part) adult in my mid 20s.
Today is NOT a good day.
Feeling sick and hugging a bucket :(
That is the last time I let my best friend cook food for me. My stomach still feels like there is a tiny samurai swinging a sword around slicing up the inside of my stomach :(
Ok, this is really fucking creepy. I keep hearing screams, but I have no idea where they are coming from and it is kinda weirding me out. Its like its coming from my computer but I don’t hear anything out the headphones and I have nothing open that
So, I’m actually going somewhere tonight and not just spending a vacation day in bed. I’m not really that excited though even if I’m going somewhere “fun” for a couple hours. Oh well, It’ll be different at least.
So, how am I spending my vacation tomorrow? by getting up at the crack of dawn to go to work and ride around with a driver all day delivering packages for like 10 hours, and this is all for free. Well, not completely. I’m hoping to use it on my
Well, I should just try to not exist for a while. Its not like I can sleep for more than 5 hrs at a time anyway. I’m going to bed before I do something really stupid, and trust me, I’m thinking of some really stupid ideas. I shouldn't
After goinng though the hell to drag myself out of bed, getting ready, and actually getting out of the house on time, not runnning anyone over drivinng there I find out that its noo longer allowed. I’m going to jjust go cry and maybe drink a bit.
rice krispies and Jack Daniels at 8:53am, the breakfast of champions
Maybe I should get back out of bed? Its just as well I have the week off because I don’t want to do anything. My buzz has worn off so maybe I should try to do something more productive than just crying into a pillow.
I just realized what an absolute piece of garbage I am. Yes I am justified in saying that, and no I do not want to talk about it. I’m going to try to not exist for a while.
I just got a call about my interview. I was told I would get a call this week about setting it up. THey set it up alruight, I have to be there in 2HOURS. Anxiety = just blew an hole in the rooof.I am so not ready for this,
I hate this. I;m not normally that anxious of a person, so it makes it that much wrose when I get hit like this.
I’ve been playing so much Pokemon today I started scrolling my dash and expected a wild one to jump out at me!!!
Now that I’m not distracted I’m thinking too much again and considering stupid things again. So much stress… kinda having trouble breathing with some chest pain. At least my bed has felt safe lately.
I did some stuff I haven’t done on my own today and I’m feeling pretty proud of my self
Laptop mode engaged. I’ll probably be fading in and out for the next hour or so. Boy, this is different. I will be ok. The last 5 months have been one hell of a ride! I wonder if always hiding is why my anxiety pretty much went away for so long?
Crazy day! First convention ever!!!Still have two more days to go though!!! So much to take in and a lot going on!!! I was so lost most of the day :D
Good morning, everything looks like burning
Got back about an 1 ½ ago. Really tired!! Its just sensory overload and my brain kept randomly asdfbnsdfkjsdnbksdjlh and stuff. The best thing I did was find out of the way quiet places and the best routes to them beforehand for when I needed a
Maybe I really am a good person now.
This is one of those mornings where it would have actually been nice to not be able to feel my legs as they really hurt :(
really wish I could explain the thing my eyes are doing because while “kaleidoscope” sort of could put things in the ballpark, nothing could describe the randomness of that I am seeing.
Been home for a while. Kinda sad everything is over but relieved that I can rest!!!
I think today I talked with the most strangers I ever have. I had actual conversations with people, and while the average length was about a minute, They were still real conversations. I’m not sure why I cant easily do things like this for myself
Overly broken down thoughts about Connecticon: Well, Connecticon was my first ever convention. It messed around with me a bit due to the fact that I was meeting up with people I hadn’t met before, and also being around 9998859558484484939 people
I should probably get out of bed but everything hurts. Thats what I get for not being active then suddenly walking the equivalent of miles every day for 3 days. Losing 5lbs over that same 3 days probably wasn’t too good for me either although I
I still really haven’t processed everything I did this weekend. I don’t know why, but it feels like it was almost only a dream. I have pictures I took and even came across a picture of myself in the tags but that’s still not completely
My motivation for getting out of bed it that I remembered there is a loaf of french bread sitting on the counter downstairs and I haven’t eaten anything in about 17 hours.
And the Highlight of my day/night: Taking out the trash! After bagging up all the paper and washing out the last of the cat food cans in the sink and empty alcohol bottles I find the car is too far over in the garage to get the trash cans past so I get
Listening to video game music and driving fast are fun. Especially listening to Mario Kart 64 music. Rainbow Road when driving down a road called Rainbow Road and the Highway theme when doing 110 blasting down the highway weaving between cars and trucks
It was a good day. I was very calm today, work was really light and easy for a change, and I’ve felt really safe overall. granted it is technically now tomorrow, but I don’t care.
It sucks bad enough when I’m freaking out over stuff, but its really not fun when you’re calm, collected,relaxed and just thinking about how stupid and useless you really are. Especially when you can rationalize reasons to do very stupid
Well, I guess I should be happy I had a good week up until now. I’m back to “flipping” back and forth between ok and not ok again. I’m thinking its about time to try to not exist for a while. I should take advantage of my bed while
I wish I had someone to sleep with. I don’t mean to sleep with like that, but just someone to maybe cuddle up with and actually go to sleep next to. Maybe they even have their arms around me to let me know I’m safe. Not going to happen ever
Today is not a good day. I’m still upset from last night and everything hurts especially my back and shoulder. It doesn’t help I kinda want to do something stupid as well.
Holy shit!!
That moment when you wake up after like 2 hours of sleep and have to use the bathroom really bad but you cant feel your legs so you kinda just numbly stumble to the bathroom but you feel like you’re floating through the air and not walking
Bed. I hope its restful. The last 3 nights have not been good, and my thoughts when I wake up have not been good either. I’m really getting tired of this vivid sexual stuff.
I just love remembering how pathetic and useless I am.
suddenly I feel so exhausted. My back really hurts again, and I just remembered how pathetic I am.
its 8:53am and I feel like garbage. I realized that I could get up and watch Pokemon and felt a little better for a moment because I always miss it now but then I realized by the time I could fall down the stairs (cant feel my legs, what else is new?)
