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I hate how when I get upset I get really uncomfortable being around people online. I mean they don’t even necessarily have to actually be active, its literally the list of names/usernames that upsets me, and its like everyone is just watching me
*rolls over in bed and wraps self in blankets*
I finally have some time to relax a bit and unwind from stress at work. I am taking a week of vacation next week and I’m hoping that a week away will help me not think of myself as an absolute failure. Its kind of a shame because I was almost happy
My two biggest talents are annoying the hell out of people and upsetting them.
I suddenly remembered the lump on the back of my head. Its been there for like 2 weeks now and its swollen and throbbing right now.
Ok, time to hide in bed. I’m suddenly thinking of doing something stupid and its been quite some time since I thought of doing that.
HONESTLY: REBLOG THIS IF YOU HAVE EVER SELF HARMED IN ANY WAY, SKIPPED A MEAL ON PURPOSE, BEEN DEPRESSED, FELT ALONE IN A CROWDED ROOM, HATED YOUR BODY, HATED YOURSELF, FELT LIKE YOUR NOT GOOD ENOUGH OR BEEN TOLD YOU WERENT, CRIED YOURSELF TO SLEEP, FELT
That was second from the bottom in my drafts. Its been there since I first started!!
I feel like Ive crashed after boosting on Redbull/NOS for a week and I haven’t had any energy drinks since like Wednesday and It feels like I’ve been chasing the dragon and stopped sudden;y and everything is kinda floaty and spacey and I think
I’ve been doing a lot of “hand flapping” again lately, like over the past 3 weeks or so? Its kinda weird that it would start up again after not really having any twitches other than pumping my legs or rocking back and forth.
Its nice when you find people that are fun to talk with
Long drives are really stressful and draining for me but worth it to see good friends.
I’m upset that I have 3 months of being a failure ahead of me. I’m glad that I’m buzzed and a little numb and that I only mildly hate myself.
*smashes head on keyboard* mnj b vbb nbb nmnmmmmmm, nm n nm nmjnmj
ash will keep me safe
Sleep isn’t fucking working
I’m not a good person, but I’m not posting the writeup I just did of the worst thing I’ve ever done nor am I going to tell anyone. I guess I get to keep my friends/followers (provided you all want to stay I guess) a while longer as
Sometimes I think my entire existence has a negative impact on the world as a whole and that when bad things happen (seemingly) out of my control or to other people they’re my fault and I can even explain a compelling argument to people on why
I’m seriously thinking its my job thats making me hate myself so much, and haha guess where I’m heading out to in 10 minutes?
*grabs the hilt of a Honedge while playing with the ears of an espurr*
I’m numb except for my fingers. I’m disgusting. I should go away and not bother people because I’m garbage.
I hate myself and I hate thatr Im too drunk to hide
I’m jkinda vpissed that litwik daragged me out. titsd going to suck my soul out but it sucks that its going to hurt
I suck. the onk\ly dram I can think of is one wher Im hniding from stuff and \ thrying tto control my drams ans theres this old boarded uop buoilding and I wand to fix it but i keep draming about it and I kinda have it fixed uu\p but I;m not there yet
im drunk ad my monm saud somnethign avbout leftovercam\ndy and stuf and IDkdsnfkljgbdsfg/dflfdnfd
and I saw some of Alf amd I just hat evertyone thjat is being mean to aAlf and its just ateerrible 80s stero\type and just sd;hsdfpjfdhdfj;
So It looks like I got drunk last night and posted a ton of personal shit publicly that I never wanted anyone to know and should never have been seen by people. I tend to save stuff as drafts and transfer it out later but it looks like I just started
It seems like I’m always at my calmest the day after I flip out over something.
Ugh, its that time of the night when I suddenly feel worthless.
I keep having issues with hand flapping :(
I’ve been a bit anxious on and off all day. I’ve also put off doing stuff because I’ve just wanted to avoid my parents as much as possible and I just wish they would go on vacation again for a weekend so I caould relax again
I hate it so much when time slows down and everything sucks
Theres a driver at work that a really nice guy but presents a little “effeminately” and was wearing those “barefoot” shoes and really short “daisy duke” bike shorts and people were going on about how “offensive
I hate how I can get so anxious that I think people are watchinging me when I’m online and not even posting stuff and then I have to leave.
I don’t have a lot of friends because I look at groups of friends and just don’t see an opening for myself. I feel like life is one of those impossibles puzzles and I’m one of the 5 extra pieces that don’t fit anywhere and just
So last week I dropped a 20lb dumbbell on my knee. Its a little swollen and bruised and it still hurts a bit :(
I have had constant back pain for years now, and recently its been getting worse again. I wonder if its my punishment or something, so I’m almost glad I’m in pain.
I’m not doing well. I’m going to go before I embarrass myself again and make people worry.
Im at work and having a good day for a change! !! Got some stuff ready for approveal so thats good°!!!
Time to head to work. Kinda neutral so that’s good I guess.
Again good day at work so far!!!
I wish it were socially acceptable to walk around in public doing everyday errands and stuff while dressed like Ash Ketchum.
Like really, because it makes me feel calmer when I put it on. Thats why I wear it to bed and around the house all the time, It makes me feel more secure. When I take it off, its almost like a little bit of anxiety pops up, but not really enough to really
I would be out doing errands and suddenly finally understand what was wrong with my uncles car 21 years ago.
There was a person that was sending a package today that was incredibly rude on the phone to 2 different people, calling one of them an idiot, and hanging up on and calling back twice and complaining about forms that he didn’t fill out correctly
Forcing someone that is hospitalized to leave their room to “socialize” when they are uncomfortable and unhappy being around people then dragging them kicking and screaming down the hall when they hide under one of the couches and lock them
Or ok I guess not now.
I have to leave for work in 20 minutes and I haven’t even gotten out of bed yet. I just want to stay in bed dressed like Ash Ketchum all day. I hate how vulnerable I feel when I put the jacket away for the day before work :( Oh well, time to get
Not having a good day. Completely exhausted :(
Im so angry my he as d hurts and I can barely se ed or walkj
Hiding un the bathroom at wirk. Mild anxiety attac I k. Can’t speak words. Ca
Had anxiety attack at work. Calming a own going to go home
Think im ok to drive. Going to blast 2ba amaster and be careful
Home. Been here a a little bit. I feel really dumb for posting that but it was all I could think to do.
What I really want right now are the nastiest anon messages that anyone could ever send. all I want is for people to say mean things to me.
don’t ask for nice things you piece of shit. you know that they’ll just make you feel worse.
The words “sometimes your best isn’t good enough” have been rattling around in my head for about a month and a half now, and I know now nothing I’ve accomplished has any merit because I am not deserving of anything positive, even
this is why I’ve been staying the fuck away. because Im just a stupid negative piece of shit, and probably will only get worse all the way though to christmas.
All I want is to be included in stuff, but whenever someone asks me if I want to do something my answer is almost always no (mostly because its so hard to get ready with so little notice unless I’m asking someone else), so people don’t ever
I don’t even reblog giveaway posts and stuff because even if I won, I still feel like theres someone else more deserving of winning something, and just being in the string and adding that one extra note is enough to throw off the person that was
