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“Forget dead pigs– want to see what I can penetrate with my other harpoon?”
xxx tumblr
“I knew it was dangerous getting you into crap telly. I should get you into my bed instead.”
“I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you, so I had to put them in the microwave.”
“If your flatmate punched you in the face, I would kiss it better.”
“I named our dog Gladstone because you make me happy and hard.”
“I noticed you’re wearing a deerstalker. May I be your dear?”
“Will you be the Sher-key to my Sher-lock?”
“I’d let Angelo put a candle on our table.”
“No matter what, your disguise is always a self-portrait. No wonder you look sexy in anything.”
“I would read your blog even if it only contained two hundred and forty-three types of tobacco ash.”
“Instead of jumping off of Bart’s, how about jumping into my bed?”
“I may not be strictly speaking on the drugs squad, but I’m very keen… on you.”
“Don’t worry, I’m no London ambulance. I take longer than eight minutes to come.”
“Becoming a figment of my mind palace isn’t the only way to get inside of me.”
“You make me more speechless than John asking me to be his best man.”
“theimprobableone will use capital letters before I stop loving you.”
“I’d help you hunt down a hound even if I was on holiday.”
“I’ve fallen for you more times than that American has fallen out of your window.”
“I want to have more meetings with you than Magnussen had with the prime minister.”
“I would spend the night at your place even if it was a scuzz dump.”
“I’d let you stay in my bedroom even if you didn’t need the space.”
“I’m a fan of yours– type B, that is.”
“Redbeard isn’t the only one I’d like to be petting.”
“I bet you can make me scream… and I don’t mean like Claudette Bruhl.”
“I.O.U. a fall… into my bed.”
“If you were my drug, I wouldn’t need a case to justify doing you.”
“Whip me like one of your dead girls.” Submitted by madspades.
“Wanna see my secret tattoo?”
“I would punch the chief superintendent just because he called you a weirdo.”
“I always hear ‘suck my face’ when you’re speaking, but it’s usually subtext.” Submitted by Courtney (no username).
“My text alert isn’t the only way you can hear me orgasm.”
“Forget Andrew West’s missile plans… The real missile is the one in my pants.”
“May I twist and diffuse your hair?”
“Brainy’s the new sexy, but your looks are just old fashioned sexy.” Submitted by amylemoymoy.
“Why keep your eyeballs in the microwave when you can keep them on me?”
“Will you have coffee with me if I refresh my lipstick a bit?”
“I would let you stop my cab even if I wasn’t the serial killer you were looking for.”
“Forget the giant blue air mattress… Next time you fake your death, you should jump into my bed.”
“I’m so glad I’m not Mycroft… I would never go on a diet if I had to give up something as sweet as you.â€
“I love you more than Alex Woodbridge loved astronomy.â€
“I’m hung better than the dummy in our living room.â€
“One more miracle, for me, please… Don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend.â€Submitted by amylemoymoy.
“I may be from the Fifth Northumberland Fusiliers, but that doesn’t mean I won’t wander south when I touch you.â€
“Don’t worry, I’m not like the cafe next door… I won’t be speedy.â€Suggested by someone I know in real life, who doesn’t have a Tumblr and is too embarrassed to take credit for the idea anyway.
“Richard Brook may be a lie, but my love for you is real.â€
“Mrs. Hudson offered me a cup of tea, but I’d much rather have a drink of you.â€
“You’re more fun than a woman lying dead.â€
“Returning your coat isn’t my only reason for sneaking into your bedroom.â€
“I know you’re for real… Nobody could fake having such an amazing dick all the time.â€
“John says I’m a machine… Want to see if you can turn me on?â€
“Mycroft says that you have the brain of a scientist or a philosopher, but I think you have the brain of my future husband.â€
