just my thoughts
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just-my-erotic-thoughts:Cuffed.
just-shower-thoughts: Every time I type “tits” on my phone it autocorrects to “Rita”. That girl must have some amazing tits.
just-shower-thoughts: When medication says “do not operate heavy machinery” they’re probably mainly referring to cars, but my mind always goes to forklift.
just-shower-thoughts: My dick is a literal fountain of youth.
just-shower-thoughts: In terms of home security, my cat is the opposite of a dog. All he’s done is trained me to disregard strange noises in the middle of the night.
just-shower-thoughts: My cat unconditionally loves and trusts a giant more than five times her height and fifteen times her weight who could crush her by accident without even realizing.
just-shower-thoughts: I’ve probably said “fuck” more times than I’ve said my own name.
just-shower-thoughts: What the fuck am I doing with my life
just-shower-thoughts: My balls must think I have a bunch of kids by now.
just-shower-thoughts: Someone in my city is currently having sex, giving birth, and dying.
just-shower-thoughts: My entire life has led up to this sentence.
just-shower-thoughts: My parents watch the news every night and are the least informed people I know.
just-shower-thoughts: My dog understand several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. She may be smarter than me.
just-shower-thoughts: I’ve seen so much porn etc over my life that I don’t even consider a top less woman porn anymore.
just-shower-thoughts: I was illegally downloading movies on my house boat… when I realized I was pirating on a boat!
just-shower-thoughts: I’ve never been told when to do my taxes. Or how. Or why. Or even what taxes are. But if I get it wrong, I go to jail.
just-shower-thoughts: At some point in my life I’ve probably had a totally normal conversation with someone who was using an anal plug at the time
just-shower-thoughts: Judging by how little I read the Terms & Conditions, I’ve probably sold my soul at least a dozen times now.
just-shower-thoughts: I’ve spanked my wife way more than her parent ever did.
just-shower-thoughts: I wish my wallet came with free refills.
just-shower-thoughts: I forgot my towel….
just-shower-thoughts: I’ve woken up everyday of my life and I am still terrible at it.
just-shower-thoughts:I sometimes playfully accuse my girlfriend of checking guys out… Realized it’s only when I think the guy is hot.
just-shower-thoughts:I have gone too far in my life without thinking of turkey eggs
just-shower-thoughts: In my 35 years on this planet I have never seen the headline, “Psychic Wins the Lottery.”
just-shower-thoughts: My way of flirting is looking at the person I’m attracted to and hoping they’re braver than I am.
just-shower-thoughts: Putting my contacts in at 5 am is not when or how I want to be reminded I ate hot wings the night before.
just-shower-thoughts: “Bop It” is a game all about what not to do to my penis.
just-shower-thoughts:When I’m in public, I get really embarrassed when my farts smell bad, but while I’m alone I get genuinely disappointed when they’re odorless.
just-shower-thoughts:When I die I both wish and dread that I have access to my “life stats”.
just-shower-thoughts:Joke’s on Stephen King. When I see a red balloon, my first reaction isn’t to get scared but to wonder where the other 99 are.
just-shower-thoughts:When I was 20 I had no idea that my 63 year old grandpa felt like he was still the same person he was when he was 20. At age 51, I have an idea.
just-shower-thoughts: I want to live in a world where it’s possible to listen to YouTube AND lock my phone
just-shower-thoughts: How many miles has my thumb scrolled?
just-shower-thoughts: ‘As fuck’ is my most used unit of measurement
just-shower-thoughts: microwaves should have a “dont make a beep sound my mom is gonna be really mad if she finds out I’m making pizza rolls at 4 am again” option
just-shower-thoughts: Pimp my ride was the weirdest charity program in history
just-shower-thoughts: Reddit is like my fridge. After the fifth time opening it I know everything that’s in there, but I keep finding myself opening it in the hopes of something new.
just-shower-thoughts: If I was a stripper I would call myself The Ogre, because I grind men’s bones to make my bread.
just-shower-thoughts: I wish that, instead of burning them slowly, I could use up all of my fat cells at once on one insane feat of athleticism.
just-shower-thoughts: Most of my friends with detailed plans on how they’d survive a zombie apocalypse lose their shit when a small insect enters the room.
just-shower-thoughts: All of my friends started out as strangers.
just-shower-thoughts: Not once in my entire life have I seen a handicapped person go in or out of a handicapped stall in a bathroom.
just-shower-thoughts: “Land so I can fucking kill you already,” is something that I only say to Dragons in Skyrim and flies in my apartment.
just-shower-thoughts: Me wrapping a dead cockroach in a paper towel, tossing it in the bin with all of my food scraps, then sealing the garbage bag is like giving the roach an ancient Egyptian burial in its perspective.
just-shower-thoughts: Sometimes I wish I had a throwaway life so I could do the things I wouldn’t do in my normal life.
just-shower-thoughts: Walking down the paper product aisle at my store of employment, I can’t help but think of how all that toilet paper I’m seeing people place in their carts will end up between their buttcheeks potentially by nightfall.
just-shower-thoughts: My internet goes out more than I do.
just-shower-thoughts: If everyone drove exactly like me. I wonder how pissed I would get on my morning commute?
just-shower-thoughts: If my job was to browse reddit I would probably spend less time on reddit at work.
just-shower-thoughts: Having children is like taking care of someone who’s taken way too many shrooms, while I myself have taken a moderate amount of shrooms. I’m not confident in any of my decisions, but I know you should definitely not be eating
just-shower-thoughts: The internet shows me advertisements based on my interests, it should also show me jobs I’m interested in and qualified for.
just-shower-thoughts: Each time Netflix releases all episodes of one of their originals, I lose an entire day of my life
just-shower-thoughts: I wonder if they took leap day into account on my milk expiration date.
just-shower-thoughts: I have gotten dressed and undressed an equal amount of times in my life.
just-shower-thoughts: Netflix needs to add a shuffle button for tv shows. Yes I want to watch Futurama, but no I don’t want to be responsible for picking my own episode.
just-shower-thoughts: The TV shows I watched as a kid got me so excited for high school chemistry which ended up being one of my greatest disappointments
just-shower-thoughts: The reason I like staying up so late so much is because between the hours of 1am to 5am, the world is quiet and no one expects anything from me. I could stare at my wall for 4 hours and there would be no consequences. It’s so
just-shower-thoughts: Growing up, Monopoly led me to believe that banking errors in my favor happened way more often.
just-shower-thoughts: I always put my music on shuffle but then get annoyed when it doesn’t play the songs I want.
