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“I would keep your mobile phone.”
“Shall I prevent you from being able to deduce me?”
“Are you Anderson? Because you make my heart dino-soar.”
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“I can’t have U.M.Q.R.A. without U.”
“You give me a 221boner.”
“You grew on me like Harold.”
“Without you, my heart feels as empty as my hearse.”
“My love for you glows brighter than Bluebell.”
“How about we both skip your birthday dinner so I can show you my ‘thing’?”
“I’m no Herr Trepoff; the only thing I’m guilty of is loving you.”
“When Greg handed me your uncut birthday video, I was hoping for something very different.”
“I’d smile and wink at you even if it didn’t humanize me.”
“Only lies have detail, so I won’t elaborate on how much I love you.”
“I don’t need an essay about all my friends hating me to know that you love me the most.”
“I would shave for you.”
“You’re such a hot Guy, I would steal a motorcycle to get to you.”
“I would endure six months of bristly kisses to be with you.”
“Care to be my goldfish?”
“The only looks I want to be clueing for are yours.”
“I don’t just have wood for you… I have pipe/tube/wotsit thingamebob for you.”
“Your perfection has left me completely deaded.”
“I want to sleeeeep with you.”
“I would love you even if your initials were A.G.R.A.”
“Forget my brother’s bolt-holes… How about finding your way into one of my holes instead?”
“I’ll let you kiss me if you crash through a window and ruffle your hair first.”
“I promise not to shout Graham, Gavin, or Geoff during sex.”
“Loving you could never be human error.”
“I’ll tell you what the H stands for.”
“Can our sign be the sign of threesome?”
“Hey, I faked my death too… When do I get to crash through a window and make out with you?”
“Wanna see my ‘meat dagger’?”
“I heard you lost your job fantasizing about me coming back to life… Don’t worry, I’ve got a different kind of ‘job’ you can do.”
“My detective skills aren’t the only gifts I was born with.”
“I’d get stabbed in the shower just so you’d examine my body.”
“You make a really hot Guy, and I’m not just talking about the Fawkes effigy.”
“I’d like to discover your ‘pressure points,’ if you get what I mean.”
“My jumpers aren’t the only thing about me with depth and complexity.”
“You’re my popular choice at the moment, dear.”
“Can I buy you a drink? 443.7 milliliters of drink, that is.”
“You don’t need to hide a blade in my belt in order to penetrate me.”
“The ‘elephant in the room’ is my penis.”
“Without you, my heart feels hollower than Jack Griffin’s suit.”
“Sherlock and Moriarty aren’t the only ones I have a theory about.”
“I don’t care how you fell in love with me… I want to know why.”
“You don’t need your mind palace to know my porn preference.”
“I’m a high-functioning sociopath… Can I be a high-functioning sociopath with your number?”
“My left hat bobble isn’t the only thing I’d like to chew on.”
“Forget the egg chair… You should sitty thing on my face.”
“Call me Shezza, because I’m going undercover… Under your covers, that is.”
“I’d let you make me wear the hat.”
“Call me Redbeard, because I like it ruff.”
“I want to do you on the table… On the Periodic Table hanging in your bedroom, that is.”
“I was so scared of you leaving me that I started doing napkin origami.”
“If I was Madonna, would you let me touch your knee?”
“I would come back from the dead and hijack a bunch of TVs just because you missed me.”
“I’d like to get to know you as well as I know ash.”
“My love for you exceeds the amount of laptops Sherlock has.”
“I’d like to compromise the integrity of your ‘crime scene.’”
