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“You can ride me if you want. I even come with a riding crop!”
“Will you 221-be mine?”
“Whenever I’m apart from you, I’m bluer than my scarf.”
“You make me so giddy, I’m giggling even at crime scenes.”
“Forget Fifty Shades of Grey– how about fifty shades of silver?”
“If you were my drug, a seven percent solution wouldn’t be enough.”
“If I had a silly-looking jumper for every time I thought of you, I’d be John Watson.”
“Forget dead pigs– want to see what I can penetrate with my other harpoon?”
“I would come to your flat even if I was on the other side of town and it could be dangerous.”
“Irene Adler shouldn’t be the only one you recognize from ‘not her face.’”
“The fridge? Please, I know a better place for you to put your fingers.”
“When I’m retired and studying bees, will you be my honey?”
“My division is LONG division… Wanna see why?”
“Sometimes you don’t talk for days on end? That’s fine. I can give you something else to do with your mouth.”
“If you give me your heart, I promise I won’t put it in the fridge.”
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“I’d love to get under your sheets. Especially if you were still wearing them.”
“I was Wats-off, but then you turned me Wats-on.”
“My umbrella will keep you dry, but I’ll keep you wet.”
“I’m more desperate for you than Mycroft is for tea on a train.” Inspired by a tweet from Mark Gatiss.
“I enjoy my jumper collection, but I’d much rather have you on my body instead.”
“I’m not your type? Don’t worry– I’m sooooo changeable.”
“I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you, so I had to put them in the microwave.”
“If your flatmate punched you in the face, I would kiss it better.”
“I named our dog Gladstone because you make me happy and hard.”
“Can we go to your place? There’s a consulting criminal storyteller hiding at mine.”
“Want to know why the fandom calls me ‘Fucking Anderson’?”
“Shake hands with you in Hell? I’d much rather shake something else of yours.”
“Are we doing it? Have we done it?”
“I noticed you’re wearing a deerstalker. May I be your dear?”
“So, you like letting freaks into your crime scenes… How about letting a freak into your bed?”
“Bond Air isn’t my only ‘jumbo jet,’ if you get what I mean.”
“Don’t worry if I shout ‘Damn my leg!’ My third leg is still perfectly functional.”
“You light up my life like a Baskerville rabbit.”
“Will you be the Sher-key to my Sher-lock?”
“I’d let Angelo put a candle on our table.”
“I like your purple shirt. How’d you like to see my red pants?” (Thank you so much to andrisbiedrins for sending the screencap. I couldn’t find any images of Martin Freeman wearing red bottoms except as Arthur Dent, and apparently
“Want to go to Buckingham Palace and color-coordinate our ties?”
“No matter what, your disguise is always a self-portrait. No wonder you look sexy in anything.”
“I’d let you hold my hand even if you kidnapped me and asked me to spy on my flatmate.”
“Do you like Mexican food? Because I’ll gladly offer you a taste of my fiesta dick.”
“I would disguise myself as a wounded vicar just to get invited into your home.”
“You don’t have to be a murder victim’s stillborn daughter to get me to shout your name over and over again.”
“My coat isn’t the only thing that’s pink and wet.”
“Instead of jumping off of Bart’s, how about jumping into my bed?”
“You make me so happy, I spray painted a smiley face on our wall.”
“I would hit that harder than Sherlock hits corpses.”
“When I tried to deduce you, the floating text turned into erotica.”
“Would you still love me even if I turned into an Asian woman?”
“Mycroft? I’d rather be your croft.”
“When I said I wanted to ‘get’ you, I meant in bed.”
“I’d let you investigate more than just my crime scenes, if you deduce my meaning.”
“You steeple your fingers a lot. I could give you something better to do with them.”
“If you broke into my flat for a tea party, I would let you sit in my chair.”
“On my face. Come at once, if convenient. If inconvenient, come anyway.”
“I don’t know what you might deduce about my brother’s heart, but I’ll gladly tell you about mine.”
“I would ensure your husband’s death in Florida just to be with you.”
“I may not be strictly speaking on the drugs squad, but I’m very keen… on you.”
