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“No matter what, your disguise is always a self-portrait. No wonder you look sexy in anything.”
“I’d let you hold my hand even if you kidnapped me and asked me to spy on my flatmate.”
“Do you like Mexican food? Because I’ll gladly offer you a taste of my fiesta dick.”
“I would disguise myself as a wounded vicar just to get invited into your home.”
“You don’t have to be a murder victim’s stillborn daughter to get me to shout your name over and over again.”
“My coat isn’t the only thing that’s pink and wet.”
“Instead of jumping off of Bart’s, how about jumping into my bed?”
“You make me so happy, I spray painted a smiley face on our wall.”
“I would hit that harder than Sherlock hits corpses.”
“When I tried to deduce you, the floating text turned into erotica.”
“Would you still love me even if I turned into an Asian woman?”
“Mycroft? I’d rather be your croft.”
“When I said I wanted to ‘get’ you, I meant in bed.”
“I’d let you investigate more than just my crime scenes, if you deduce my meaning.”
“You steeple your fingers a lot. I could give you something better to do with them.”
“If you broke into my flat for a tea party, I would let you sit in my chair.”
“On my face. Come at once, if convenient. If inconvenient, come anyway.”
“I don’t know what you might deduce about my brother’s heart, but I’ll gladly tell you about mine.”
“I would ensure your husband’s death in Florida just to be with you.”
“I may not be strictly speaking on the drugs squad, but I’m very keen… on you.”
“I would keep your mobile phone.”
“Shall I prevent you from being able to deduce me?”
“Are you Anderson? Because you make my heart dino-soar.”
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“I can’t have U.M.Q.R.A. without U.”
“You give me a 221boner.”
“You grew on me like Harold.”
“Without you, my heart feels as empty as my hearse.”
“My love for you glows brighter than Bluebell.”
“How about we both skip your birthday dinner so I can show you my ‘thing’?”
“I’m no Herr Trepoff; the only thing I’m guilty of is loving you.”
“When Greg handed me your uncut birthday video, I was hoping for something very different.”
“I’d smile and wink at you even if it didn’t humanize me.”
“Only lies have detail, so I won’t elaborate on how much I love you.”
“I don’t need an essay about all my friends hating me to know that you love me the most.”
“I would shave for you.”
“You’re such a hot Guy, I would steal a motorcycle to get to you.”
“I would endure six months of bristly kisses to be with you.”
“Care to be my goldfish?”
“The only looks I want to be clueing for are yours.”
“I don’t just have wood for you… I have pipe/tube/wotsit thingamebob for you.”
“Your perfection has left me completely deaded.”
“I want to sleeeeep with you.”
“I would love you even if your initials were A.G.R.A.”
“Forget my brother’s bolt-holes… How about finding your way into one of my holes instead?”
“I’ll let you kiss me if you crash through a window and ruffle your hair first.”
“I promise not to shout Graham, Gavin, or Geoff during sex.”
“Loving you could never be human error.”
“I’ll tell you what the H stands for.”
“Can our sign be the sign of threesome?”
“Hey, I faked my death too… When do I get to crash through a window and make out with you?”
“Wanna see my ‘meat dagger’?”
“I heard you lost your job fantasizing about me coming back to life… Don’t worry, I’ve got a different kind of ‘job’ you can do.”
“My detective skills aren’t the only gifts I was born with.”
“I’d get stabbed in the shower just so you’d examine my body.”
“You make a really hot Guy, and I’m not just talking about the Fawkes effigy.”
“I’d like to discover your ‘pressure points,’ if you get what I mean.”
“My jumpers aren’t the only thing about me with depth and complexity.”
“You’re my popular choice at the moment, dear.”
