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“I would never chase some killer while trying to get off with you.”
“You’re more valuable to me than a nine million pound jade hairpin.”
“Are you my blogger? Because I’d be lost without you.”
“Of course we won’t be needing two bedrooms.”
“I may not be The Golem, but I bet I can squeeze the life out of you, if you get what I mean.”
“I don’t care about your intermittent tremor– I just wanted an excuse to hold your hand.”
“I would show off at your trial just to get locked in a cell with you.”
“Face the other way. You’re getting me off.”
“I thought your post-mortem joke was funny.”
“You make me so stiff, Molly mistook me for one of her cadavers.”
“I like my partners the way I like my wall decorations: Music-loving and horny.”
“Wanna see what’s Under my Shaw?” Seriously though, save Undershaw!
“My division is the one between your legs.”
“If you were my day to die, I could never get a better offer.”
“If Moriarty was about to murder you, I would give him a call.”
“Even if I was the St. Bart’s traffic cone, I wouldn’t tell you to slow down.”
“I don’t need a good coat and a short friend to look ‘tall,’ if you get what I mean.”
“A Black Lotus flower isn’t the only thing I can put in your mouth.”
“I have five children.” Okay, so this one’s actually a bit of an inside joke… My ex-boyfriend, (whom I am no longer on speaking terms with), has a daughter now, and he’s been persistently trying to inform me of this fact.
“I wish Mike Stamford would introduce us.”
“I would pretend to be drunk just to go for a ride with you.”
“You can ride me if you want. I even come with a riding crop!”
“Will you 221-be mine?”
“Whenever I’m apart from you, I’m bluer than my scarf.”
“You make me so giddy, I’m giggling even at crime scenes.”
“Forget Fifty Shades of Grey– how about fifty shades of silver?”
“If you were my drug, a seven percent solution wouldn’t be enough.”
“If I had a silly-looking jumper for every time I thought of you, I’d be John Watson.”
“Forget dead pigs– want to see what I can penetrate with my other harpoon?”
“I would come to your flat even if I was on the other side of town and it could be dangerous.”
“Irene Adler shouldn’t be the only one you recognize from ‘not her face.’”
“The fridge? Please, I know a better place for you to put your fingers.”
“When I’m retired and studying bees, will you be my honey?”
“My division is LONG division… Wanna see why?”
“Sometimes you don’t talk for days on end? That’s fine. I can give you something else to do with your mouth.”
“If you give me your heart, I promise I won’t put it in the fridge.”
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“I’d love to get under your sheets. Especially if you were still wearing them.”
“I was Wats-off, but then you turned me Wats-on.”
“My umbrella will keep you dry, but I’ll keep you wet.”
“I’m more desperate for you than Mycroft is for tea on a train.” Inspired by a tweet from Mark Gatiss.
“I enjoy my jumper collection, but I’d much rather have you on my body instead.”
“I’m not your type? Don’t worry– I’m sooooo changeable.”
“I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you, so I had to put them in the microwave.”
“If your flatmate punched you in the face, I would kiss it better.”
“I named our dog Gladstone because you make me happy and hard.”
“Can we go to your place? There’s a consulting criminal storyteller hiding at mine.”
“Want to know why the fandom calls me ‘Fucking Anderson’?”
“Shake hands with you in Hell? I’d much rather shake something else of yours.”
“Are we doing it? Have we done it?”
“I noticed you’re wearing a deerstalker. May I be your dear?”
“So, you like letting freaks into your crime scenes… How about letting a freak into your bed?”
“Bond Air isn’t my only ‘jumbo jet,’ if you get what I mean.”
“Don’t worry if I shout ‘Damn my leg!’ My third leg is still perfectly functional.”
“Will you be the Sher-key to my Sher-lock?”
“I’d let Angelo put a candle on our table.”
“I like your purple shirt. How’d you like to see my red pants?” (Thank you so much to andrisbiedrins for sending the screencap. I couldn’t find any images of Martin Freeman wearing red bottoms except as Arthur Dent, and apparently
“Want to go to Buckingham Palace and color-coordinate our ties?”
