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“I would punch the chief superintendent just because he called you a weirdo.”

“I would punch the chief superintendent just because he called you a weirdo.”

“Are you frequenting cafes? Because you are smoking.”

“Are you frequenting cafes? Because you are smoking.”

“Are you Mr. Summerson? Because I’d like to fondle your testicles.”

“Are you Mr. Summerson? Because I’d like to fondle your testicles.”

“Which hurt more: When you fell from Bart’s or when you fell from Heaven?”

“Which hurt more: When you fell from Bart’s or when you fell from Heaven?”

“I know your friends don’t all hate you. I only wrote that essay so I could have you all to myself.”

“I know your friends don’t all hate you. I only wrote that essay so I could have you all to myself.”

“I’m not just a soldier, doctor, and blogger… I’m also a lover.”

“I’m not just a soldier, doctor, and blogger… I’m also a lover.”

“I want to be your boyfriend more than Sherlock wanted to be a pirate.”

“I want to be your boyfriend more than Sherlock wanted to be a pirate.”

“I want to be the first one you call for after waking up from being drugged by a dominatrix.”

“I want to be the first one you call for after waking up from being drugged by a dominatrix.”

“Are you Mary Morstan? Because those pants look so good on you, you’re putting the ass in assassin… twice.”

“Are you Mary Morstan? Because those pants look so good on you, you’re putting the ass in assassin… twice.”

“I can’t keep my eyes off of you… so I’m upgrading your surveillance status to grade three active.”

“I can’t keep my eyes off of you… so I’m upgrading your surveillance status to grade three active.”

“I would let you play me like Sherlock plays the violin.”

“I would let you play me like Sherlock plays the violin.”

“Wanna get laid? And I don’t mean onto the pavement in front of Bart’s.”

“Wanna get laid? And I don’t mean onto the pavement in front of Bart’s.”

“I love you more than Alex Woodbridge loved astronomy.”

“I love you more than Alex Woodbridge loved astronomy.”

“I’m sorry I let it all slide… How about banging something other than my tea on the table?”

“I’m sorry I let it all slide… How about banging something other than my tea on the table?”

“I’m hung better than the dummy in our living room.”

“I’m hung better than the dummy in our living room.”

“Your eyes are more colorful than John’s Christmas jumper.”

“Your eyes are more colorful than John’s Christmas jumper.”

“May I be the umbrella to your Mycroft? I want you to take me with you everywhere you go.”

“May I be the umbrella to your Mycroft? I want you to take me with you everywhere you go.”

“I may make you take a separate cab, but I’ll never make you take a separate bed.”

“I may make you take a separate cab, but I’ll never make you take a separate bed.”

“I’m gonna climb you like Zhi Zhu climbs buildings.”

“I’m gonna climb you like Zhi Zhu climbs buildings.”

“I bet you could warm my heart even if Sherlock was keeping it in the fridge.”

“I bet you could warm my heart even if Sherlock was keeping it in the fridge.”

“I would name my daughter after you even if your first name was William.”

“I would name my daughter after you even if your first name was William.”

“I don’t take sugar in my coffee, but I’d love to get some sugar from you.”

“I don’t take sugar in my coffee, but I’d love to get some sugar from you.”

“I would help fix the afferent neurons in your peripheral nervous system.”

“I would help fix the afferent neurons in your peripheral nervous system.”

“Your teeth are whiter than Molly’s lab coat.”

“Your teeth are whiter than Molly’s lab coat.”

“Mrs. Hudson offered me a cup of tea, but I’d much rather have a drink of you.”

“Mrs. Hudson offered me a cup of tea, but I’d much rather have a drink of you.”

“My shirt buttons may strain to get away from me, but I bet you won’t.”

“My shirt buttons may strain to get away from me, but I bet you won’t.”

“I know you’re for real… Nobody could fake having such an amazing dick all the time.”

“I know you’re for real… Nobody could fake having such an amazing dick all the time.”

“You don’t need to manipulate security cameras to convince me to get into your car.”

“You don’t need to manipulate security cameras to convince me to get into your car.”

“Just call me a Baskerville Hound, because I can’t keep my paws off of you.”

“Just call me a Baskerville Hound, because I can’t keep my paws off of you.”

“Your wit is sharper than Irene Adler’s heels.”

“Your wit is sharper than Irene Adler’s heels.”

“John says I’m a machine… Want to see if you can turn me on?”

“John says I’m a machine… Want to see if you can turn me on?”

“Mycroft says that you have the brain of a scientist or a philosopher, but I think you have the brain of my future husband.”

“Mycroft says that you have the brain of a scientist or a philosopher, but I think you have the brain of my future husband.”

“Broadly speaking, I’d like to have a ‘function’ in your ‘narrative.’“

“Broadly speaking, I’d like to have a ‘function’ in your ‘narrative.’“

“I’m not a plot device… The only function I want in your narrative is love interest.”

“I’m not a plot device… The only function I want in your narrative is love interest.”

“Your style is more iconic than Sherlock in a deerstalker.”

“Your style is more iconic than Sherlock in a deerstalker.”

“Get a room? Nah, let’s get an entire flat.”

“Get a room? Nah, let’s get an entire flat.”

“My coat collar isn’t the only thing that’s up.”

“My coat collar isn’t the only thing that’s up.”

“I must be 221b’s wallpaper, because you’re making me smile.”

“I must be 221b’s wallpaper, because you’re making me smile.”

“Writing my best man speech for your wedding was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do… because I wasn’t the one you were marrying.”

“Writing my best man speech for your wedding was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do… because I wasn’t the one you were marrying.”

“We can’t eat in the kitchen because Sherlock keeps experiments in it. Shall I take you out to dinner instead?”

“We can’t eat in the kitchen because Sherlock keeps experiments in it. Shall I take you out to dinner instead?”

“I may not know that the Earth revolves around the sun, but I know that my heart revolves around you.”

“I may not know that the Earth revolves around the sun, but I know that my heart revolves around you.”

“I want to go steady with you– steadier than John’s left hand under stress.”

“I want to go steady with you– steadier than John’s left hand under stress.”

“Sherlock must not know anything about you, because you are a star.”

“Sherlock must not know anything about you, because you are a star.”

“Finding someone as beautiful as you is more difficult than getting Sherlock to follow the rules of Cluedo.”

“Finding someone as beautiful as you is more difficult than getting Sherlock to follow the rules of Cluedo.”

“I love you more than Jennifer Wilson loved the color pink.”

“I love you more than Jennifer Wilson loved the color pink.”

“I’m the perfect boyfriend: I’m very loyal, very quickly, and I’m not interested in anything your brother offers me.”

“I’m the perfect boyfriend: I’m very loyal, very quickly, and I’m not interested in anything your brother offers me.”

“I would make you my bride even if you were abominable.”

“I would make you my bride even if you were abominable.”

“You say alone protects you, but I know of another kind of protection that we can use together.”(Edit: This graphic was originally uploaded with Sherlock’s font instead of John’s, even though John’s supposed to be the one saying the pick-up

“You say alone protects you, but I know of another kind of protection that we can use together.”(Edit: This graphic was originally uploaded with Sherlock’s font instead of John’s, even though John’s supposed to be the one saying the pick-up

“My love for you is deeper than Sherlock’s voice.”

“My love for you is deeper than Sherlock’s voice.”

“Your beauty is to die for… or at least fake die for so Moriarty’s sniper doesn’t shoot you.”

“Your beauty is to die for… or at least fake die for so Moriarty’s sniper doesn’t shoot you.”

“I bet I can make you wetter than the fandom’s post-Reichenbach tears.”

“I bet I can make you wetter than the fandom’s post-Reichenbach tears.”

“Your feelings for me are more obvious than the password on John’s computer.”

“Your feelings for me are more obvious than the password on John’s computer.”

“I think you look cool even when you don’t turn your coat collar up.”

“I think you look cool even when you don’t turn your coat collar up.”

“When I’m through with you, you’ll have a harder time walking than Sherlock after being drugged by Irene Adler.”

“When I’m through with you, you’ll have a harder time walking than Sherlock after being drugged by Irene Adler.”

“Sherlock knows more about the solar system than you do about me… Want to fix that?”

“Sherlock knows more about the solar system than you do about me… Want to fix that?”

“Will you be the Sherlock to my Buckingham Palace? I want you inside of me with no clothes on.”

“Will you be the Sherlock to my Buckingham Palace? I want you inside of me with no clothes on.”

“Don’t leave me hanging. I’m not the mannequin in 221b.”

“Don’t leave me hanging. I’m not the mannequin in 221b.”

“Are you Mrs. Hudson’s cooking? Because I want you inside of me.”

“Are you Mrs. Hudson’s cooking? Because I want you inside of me.”

“I would say sweet things to you even if I knew that bombs have off switches.”

“I would say sweet things to you even if I knew that bombs have off switches.”

“I like blondes… even speckled blondes.”

“I like blondes… even speckled blondes.”

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