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“Call me Redbeard, because I like it ruff.”
“I’d like to get to know you as well as I know ash.”
“My love for you exceeds the amount of laptops Sherlock has.”
“I’d like to compromise the integrity of your ‘crime scene.’”
“You taste better than eyeball coffee.”
“I’d like to ‘project’ my face onto your 'building.’”
“An east wind isn’t the only thing that’s coming.”
“I learned Serbian in a couple hours. Want to see how quickly I can get to know your tongue?”
“Are you 051113? Because you just blew me away.”
“When I said ‘I’m just going to whip this out,’ I didn’t mean my detective equipment.” (Inspired by this post.)
“The door knocker isn’t the only thing I won’t let my brother turn straight.”
“Don’t worry, I’m no London ambulance. I take longer than eight minutes to come.”
“You be the potatoes and I’ll be Mycroft’s laptop… Get on top of me.”
“Forget folding my shirts and cycling to work– I’d rather wear no clothes and ride you.”
“You don’t need to YouTube to see my exotic dancing.”
“Are you the East Wind? Because I’d let you take me in the end… in the rear end, that is.”
“I’ve got some pictures for you as a treat… And I’m not talking about the ones I showed Archie.”
“I’d let you catch me in a compromising position… and I’m not talking about being on the treadmill.”
“My cock is good for more than just peeing in fireplaces.”
“I don’t think we should wear hats… unless you mean the other kind of hat.”
“Forget Appledore… Make me your Applewhore.”
“Let’s do a procedure where the participants tend to know each other and it’s over when one of them’s dead… No, I’m not talking about murder.”
“I don’t just do it doggy style– I do it Redbeard style.”
“I bet I can make you come in less the time Sherlock’s exile took.”
“Are you London? Because I want to get to know you and breathe in every quiver of your beating heart.”
“I need condoms so big, people call me Charles Augustus Magnum-sen.”
Work it, Mummy Holmes! Happy Mother’s Day, followers <3
“Knowing is owning, but that’s not why I want to get to know you.”
“Maybe I won’t shave for Sherlock, but I’d definitely shave for you.” Submitted by anonymous.
“I’ll be your housekeeper… Maybe I’ll exotic dance for you too.” Submitted by anonymous.
“I’d have another row with the chip and PIN machine for you.” Submitted by anonymous.
“My penis is a dagger– a scalpel wielded with precision and without remorse.”
“Becoming a figment of my mind palace isn’t the only way to get inside of me.”
“Not sure about having chemistry with me? Don’t worry, I’m an excellent chemist.”
“Us meeting couldn’t be coincidence. The universe is rarely so lazy.”
“I would never put the doorbell in the fridge if you were the one ringing it.”
“Without you, I get so bored that I start shooting walls.”
“My mouth is big enough for fourteen cigarettes. Wanna see what else can fit in it?”
“Wanna see my Sher-cock?”
“I love you more than Sherlock loves dancing.”
“The Headless Nun was only headless because she hadn’t met me… I’m excellent at giving head.”
“I know you’re not some character from Lord of the Rings, because I honestly care what you think.”
Happy Father’s Day, everyone! (And thanks to my friend Jess for suggesting that today’s comic be a dad joke, hahaha.)
“You give me life, and not just because Lazarus is go.”
“I would never tell you to f-cough.”
“If you got away from me, I’d be so upset, I’d start kicking a tire.”
“You’re so great, even my shirt is giving you thumbs up.”
“Is there a ball under my armpit, or did you just make my heart stop?”
“I would let you call me Myc.”
“Baby got #221back.”
“John Watson? More like John Hot-son.”
“I’m going to write you a love letter… I don’t have to prove it; I just have to print it.”
“I want to Lestraddle you.”
“I think you’re 221-beautiful.”
“Your smile shines brighter than an inexplicable matchbox.”
“I don’t mind if you’re on your period… We’ll just call it an Urban Bloodlust Frenzy.”
“Chicks dig scars, eh? Well, just call me Major Sholto.”
“Do you want to see some More-iarty of me?”
“You make me more speechless than John asking me to be his best man.”
“I’d rather look at you than Sherlock’s crime scene photos.”
