shipless
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“I have an app that can steal anything… including your heart.”
“Forget using Anthea– I’d much rather come abduct you myself.”
“I would care if your life was at stake, even if it didn’t help save you.”
“You are far more than a seven, therefore I would leave the flat for you.”
“How do you feel about Hamish for a baby name?”
“When people call me a freak, they mean in bed.” Submitted by tophatsandfedoras.
“Why should you choose me? Well, I am my own least irritating officer.”
“I’d like to fiddle with you when I’m thinking– and I’m not talking about playing the violin.” Inspired by this (source unknown).
“I only pick up other guys because Mycroft orders me to. You’re the one I’m sexting.” Based on a suggestion by tophatsandfedoras, who wanted Anthea sexting.
“I would wait a year and a half just to serenade you with my Bee Gees ringtone.”
“I bet I can keep you wetter than Soo Lin Yao’s teapots.”
“You’re more valuable to me than a nine million pound jade hairpin.”
“I may not be The Golem, but I bet I can squeeze the life out of you, if you get what I mean.”
“You make me so stiff, Molly mistook me for one of her cadavers.”
“I like my partners the way I like my wall decorations: Music-loving and horny.”
“Wanna see what’s Under my Shaw?” Seriously though, save Undershaw!
“Don’t you want me on the floor too? And on the bed, and on the couch, and on the table, and against the wall…” Submitted by anonymous.
“Do you want to see what else I could present for your pleasure?” Submitted by the-improbable-1.
“If you were my day to die, I could never get a better offer.”
“Even if I was the St. Bart’s traffic cone, I wouldn’t tell you to slow down.”
“A Black Lotus flower isn’t the only thing I can put in your mouth.”
“I have five children.” Okay, so this one’s actually a bit of an inside joke… My ex-boyfriend, (whom I am no longer on speaking terms with), has a daughter now, and he’s been persistently trying to inform me of this fact.
“You can ride me if you want. I even come with a riding crop!”
“If you were my drug, a seven percent solution wouldn’t be enough.”
“If I had a silly-looking jumper for every time I thought of you, I’d be John Watson.”
“My division is LONG division… Wanna see why?”
“If you give me your heart, I promise I won’t put it in the fridge.”
“I was Wats-off, but then you turned me Wats-on.”
“My umbrella will keep you dry, but I’ll keep you wet.”
“I’m more desperate for you than Mycroft is for tea on a train.” Inspired by a tweet from Mark Gatiss.
“I’m not your type? Don’t worry– I’m sooooo changeable.”
“I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you, so I had to put them in the microwave.”
“I would stop wearing Westwood just to get your attention.” Submitted by tophatsandfedoras.
“Can we go to your place? There’s a consulting criminal storyteller hiding at mine.”
“Want to know why the fandom calls me ‘Fucking Anderson’?”
“Bond Air isn’t my only ‘jumbo jet,’ if you get what I mean.”
“You light up my life like a Baskerville rabbit.”
“Will you be the Sher-key to my Sher-lock?”
“Do you like Mexican food? Because I’ll gladly offer you a taste of my fiesta dick.”
“My coat isn’t the only thing that’s pink and wet.”
“Science of Deduction? Wouldn’t you rather hear about the Science of Seduction?” Submitted by thesaphiragirl.
“Mycroft? I’d rather be your croft.”
“I would keep your mobile phone.”
“I can’t have U.M.Q.R.A. without U.”
“The Sign of 3? I prefer the Sign of <3”
“I’d let you ride my tube with your harpoon.” Submitted (with photo) by Carrie (no username). (Admin’s note: Yes, I realize this screencap has been used before, but it was a photo submission, so I just rolled with it.)
“My love for you glows brighter than Bluebell.”
“I’m no Herr Trepoff; the only thing I’m guilty of is loving you.”
“I’d smile and wink at you even if it didn’t humanize me.”
“Care to be my goldfish?”
“I don’t just have wood for you… I have pipe/tube/wotsit thingamebob for you.”
“Your perfection has left me completely deaded.”
“I want to sleeeeep with you.”
“I’ll tell you what the H stands for.”
“Wanna see my ‘meat dagger’?”
“I’d like to discover your ‘pressure points,’ if you get what I mean.”
“I want you to fill my ‘Empty Hearse.’” Submitted by jadziabear.
“Without you, my heart feels hollower than Jack Griffin’s suit.”
“My left hat bobble isn’t the only thing I’d like to chew on.”
“Forget the egg chair… You should sitty thing on my face.”
