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I can’t stretch how badly I need to leave this place, it’s honestly gonna be the thing that ends me
I honestly feel bad for anyone who tries to get close to me because the only thing I’m good at is pushing people away and I hate it so much
Cause if this trip has taught me one thing it’s that I’m alone
Realizing that right now I’m currently not hung up on anyone, or anything. This whole focusing on me thing is pretty nifty
I might be a psychotic bitch but the one thing I am not is heartless… and you my friend are heartless
I keep having dreams about us talking again and & talking about the things we used to obsess over & the places we would go & the songs we would scream the lyrics to in the car & then I realized you’re happier without me & it
Realising you’re getting bad again is probably the worst thing to ever notice about yourself after a decent 3 months
Sometimes i make things. Sometimes they turn out good
Sometimes I make thing.
What’s it like to do things with friend?
The good thing about Tumblr is that at least on this community there’s accounts who are ok with trans lesbians. Kinda wish reality were the same..
What if I woke up one day and weren’t suicidal. Weirdest thing.
Sometimes it really gets to me how much I would have loved to work with people in my art and photography. It makes me unreasonably upset having to limit myself to dead things and architecture and nature photography. But social skills are for good people.
amaranthdesires:What’s it like to do things with friend?
MaybeThe only place I belong is in compulsory care on psychiatric ward. At least people there are nice and caring. Professionally so but still. Not having free movement was seriously bad tho. I wish being alive could be a good thing although that seems
Important things to do this Christmas instead of spending “quality time” with “family”Crochet a true to size baby Yoda.Repair and re-sole boots.Making strapon harnesses.Design patterns for collars.Making collars.Work overtime.
Sometimes I think l would enjoy this being alive thing more if I could identify with this body I reside in.
Honestly though. This thing about not living for someone else but only for yourself.. is anyone actually believing that shit? The only reason I haven’t let go yet is because I don’t want to disappoint my therapists more than I already do.
There’s probably some good in that kind thought people have that there nothing wrong being trans and that it’s perfect fine and natural and beautiful. Maybe. Im just coming to the conclusion things would be better with a uturus. Since being
Backup, Amaranth’s desires Since there’s no knowing when the war on nice things in life hits this and my secondary blogs. And since you lovelies are my social life I can’t imagine how long is last without any of you
amaranthdesires:Really dislike getting insanely romantically frustrated, like intense cravings for soft kisses or make out sessions or cuddling naps.. that kind of things.
Anyone that try tell you money isn’t going to make things better, is in fairness harmful to you.
Sometimes it’s like I try make myself believe existence would have been easier if I could spend my days doing something I like. If I could have any of this jobs I would have enjoyed. If I would have had hobbies or interests in things that I could
I don’t know how to answer someone asking “how are you” equally bad whatever I say. Saying like it is that darkness and suicidal tendencies is the only thing in my life, or lying giving a nonanswer or some polite meaningless nonsense
The good thing about the future is death.
Literally the only thing that changed from pre Corona is now there’s a plexiglass shield infront of the cashier in the grocery store. But that’s good I guess that life goes on just like normal. If only normal was worth living.It would have
Maybe the best thing I can do to myself is just pretend that I’m ok with myself and. Pretend that I believe what others say. Maybe it’s good.
Not saying everything would be better if I were cis. But all my sexual desires and my sexuality would make so much more sense if I were. And that’s two potentially good things
Serotonin seems like such a good thing :/
It really is the sensible and good thing to do siting on a strap while being a good girl sewing and mending clothes..right?
Do I love my independence? YesDo I also wish that every part of my life was controlled by someone I trust? Also yesDoes the idea of giving up control of even the mundane things comepletly terrify me? No
Yes it’s nice and all being dumb edging the mind blank. It’s all a very nice bunch of kinks and a way of escaping reality for a while. It’s important.But I want to know and have input on how others do with the really important things.
Since I can’t go visit my family over the weekends (oh no 🥳🥳) I might have spent a lot more money than I probably should have buying cute latex clothing and actually nice things for myself. 2020 keeps on being the best year so far
Writing cute tags is impossible with autism and I hate that.Writing cute spontaneous things in general is impossible. Such a gift to have a mind like this
If you want to chat with me, please don’t write “tell me something about yourself” Because I won’t be able to respond to that and cry and have a anxiety thing going on instead
Funniest thing about being me a trans woman, constantly wanting needing desire to be filled and fucked knowing It’ll never happen 💖 🎀
I’m past 30 and I’ve never had sex or been in a relationship. I’ve never even really had friends for that matter. I feel so alone. I know some say it doesn’t matter. But what if the only thing I wish for in life is close friend/s
The bad thing about living alone and love baking, impossible not to overeat cakes and stuff :(
The most important thing I’ve learned as an adult both I work- and private life is that it doesn’t matter how much we try or how well we intend something to be. It’s all about what we achieve and how it’s interpreted.
Wanna do things with people :( wanna learn to function and not be socially awkward :( wish all my tumblr mutuals lived closer </3
My hard rules to dating is they should be okay with me being trans, to be okay with my silence and doing things together but on our own, like reading n such. Feels reasonable and like it’s not to much to ask but reality is harsh :(
One of those things I never understood in school was how after every test folks just talked about the questions and what they’d answered. Like how do you even remember anything ?!?!?!?!! I never had a clue and was just blank and empty with a touch
amaranthdesires:One of those things I never understood in school was how after every test folks just talked about the questions and what they’d answered. Like how do you even remember anything ?!?!?!?!! I never had a clue and was just blank and
I might not have a job after Christmas :) naive little me thought I had this life thing under control. Nice. Life is just such a delightful gift
It’s hard to just “do things you love” when that also makes you feel more alone and forces you to see people who aren’t. When you are constantly lonely no matter the size of the crowd. I do thinks because everyone keeps telling
I am strong, I am good, I am kindI want only good things in my mindI love my friends and they love meBeing thankful sets me freeI am creative, I am true and also a great cookLoving myself is my best lookI am grateful for my life and for my soulBeing proud
I am strong, I am good, I am kindI want only good things in my mindI love my friends and they love meBeing thankful sets me freeI am creative, I am trueLoving myself is my best lookI am grateful for my life and for my soulBeing proud of who I am is my
I am strong, I am good, I am kind. I want only good things in my mind. I love my friends and they love me. Being thankful sets me free. I am creative, I am true and also a great cook. Loving myself is my best look. I am grateful for my life and for my
Corona is probably one of the better things happening to me. Because it made me realize better just how mentally ill I am and just how bad my mental health is. Every day I hear people talk about how hard the pandemic is. For me it’s just another
i just want to be good enough for someone. Not in the I’ll build u a home way, or a do quiet fulfilling things together, but in that “I want you in my life” way 😔
Well yesterday was fun and nice and all and I’ve missed roped but my knees are so fucked up im and a night sleep didn’t make any better. Hah i really starting to get to old for the nice things in life :/
My flavor of the month has been bondage lately. After all the things I’ve done this seems so vanilla to me.
I ordered some cute things last night ^.^
i love them spicy peanuts you get at drag races and redneck thingsÂ
Huuuuuuuuuuuge things happening in April, the ball has started rolling !!!!
I can’t wait to put on a costume of fluff and cuteness and pretend I’m someone(thing) else for awhile.
Waiting on things is so hard >.< waiting to finish w/ movewaiting for the next <and final convention for awhile> to come and gowaiting for art to be drawn upso i can wait for the fursuit to be createdand waiting on a bondage mask >.>
it bothers me so much i can’t see the messenger on here on this account , im sure theres some wacky things in it too :<is it just bugged for me or?Â
A bit of sacrifice goes a long way, Negative things go away Everything starts to go your own way.
for a while, I thought I was in love in my last relationship. but at some point, I knew I wasn’t and yet I still stayed, and to this day I do not know why I did that to myself. I was never listened to, my feelings weren’t taken into account for things
