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“I could definitely tell your body from ‘not your face.’ Want me to prove it?” Submitted by anonymous.

“I’m crazy for you, and not in a Project H.O.U.N.D. kind of way.” One of my real-life friends suggested a “crazy for you” line with Henry a long time ago, but I can’t remember which one, sooooo… This is me not

“I don’t have to die if I’ve got you– and believe me, I will have you.”

“You know, I’ve got a phone. I mean, very clever and all that, but you could just booty call me. On my phone.”

“You know what they say about big feet? Well, just call me Carl Powers.”

“You’re more valuable to me than a nine million pound jade hairpin.”

“Dear Jim, I’m in love with you. Won’t you fix it for me?” Submitted by anonymous.

“I have five children.” Okay, so this one’s actually a bit of an inside joke… My ex-boyfriend, (whom I am no longer on speaking terms with), has a daughter now, and he’s been persistently trying to inform me of this fact.

“You can ride me if you want. I even come with a riding crop!”

“I just met you, and this is crazy, but I know everything about you, so come live with me maybe?” Submitted by anonymous.

“You make me so giddy, I’m giggling even at crime scenes.”

“How about you treat me the way Irene Adler treats royalty?” Submitted by absolutelyhetero.

“It would be the end of the world to me if your landlady were to cockblock us.”

“If you give me your heart, I promise I won’t put it in the fridge.”

“I was Wats-off, but then you turned me Wats-on.”

“Excuse me, but I couldn’t help but notice the state of your knees…” Submitted by absolutelyhetero.

“I named our dog Gladstone because you make me happy and hard.”

“Want to know why the fandom calls me ‘Fucking Anderson’?”

“Me and the wife were all sorted… until I saw you in that dress.” Submitted by wilderebellion.

“You don’t have to be a murder victim’s stillborn daughter to get me to shout your name over and over again.”

“Would you still love me even if I turned into an Asian woman?”

“Shall I prevent you from being able to deduce me?”

“You let my flatmate into your crime scenes… How about letting me into something else of yours?”

“You give me a 221boner.”

“You grew on me like Harold.”

“When Greg handed me your uncut birthday video, I was hoping for something very different.”

“I’d smile and wink at you even if it didn’t humanize me.”

“Your perfection has left me completely deaded.”

“You don’t need to be a fireplace to get a golden shower from me.”

“I’ll let you kiss me if you crash through a window and ruffle your hair first.”

“I heard you lost your job fantasizing about me coming back to life… Don’t worry, I’ve got a different kind of ‘job’ you can do.”

“My jumpers aren’t the only thing about me with depth and complexity.”

“You don’t need to hide a blade in my belt in order to penetrate me.”

“I don’t care how you fell in love with me… I want to know why.”

“Call me Shezza, because I’m going undercover… Under your covers, that is.”

“Call me Redbeard, because I like it ruff.”

“I was so scared of you leaving me that I started doing napkin origami.”

“If I was Madonna, would you let me touch your knee?”

“You make me uncomprehending in the face of myself.”

“You don’t need to use your mind palace to see me in a straight jacket.”

“Are you 051113? Because you just blew me away.”

“The lack of a ring when you slapped me isn’t the only reason I’m glad your engagement’s over.”

“Call me the Clarence House Cannibal, because I’d like a taste of you.”

“Come with me and your teapot collection won’t be the only thing getting wet.” Based on a suggestion by scripturientjester.

“Are you Cupid? Because you just shot me in the heart.” Submitted by scripturientjester.

“You be the potatoes and I’ll be Mycroft’s laptop… Get on top of me.”

“I’d love you even if you only befriended me to get to my blackmailing boss.”

“Are you the East Wind? Because I’d let you take me in the end… in the rear end, that is.”

“I’d let you catch me in a compromising position… and I’m not talking about being on the treadmill.”

“Forget Appledore… Make me your Applewhore.”

“Even if you told me that the Western world is run from a single house, I’d still want to talk about dinner.”

Five more t-shirts now available! “Is that a riding crop under your coat, or are you just happy to see me?” “Let’s talk about the birds and the Bee Gees.” “I made you some shoes.” “I bet I can make your

“You make me Claire-de-la-Swoon.”

“I need condoms so big, people call me Charles Augustus Magnum-sen.”

“Becoming a figment of my mind palace isn’t the only way to get inside of me.”

“Not sure about having chemistry with me? Don’t worry, I’m an excellent chemist.”

“People like you deserve to be kissed. That’s why there are people like me.”

“The Headless Nun was only headless because she hadn’t met me… I’m excellent at giving head.”

“I would let you call me Sherl.”

“You give me life, and not just because Lazarus is go.”

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