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“You can see any body in this morgue. Especially mine!” Submitted by tophatsandfedoras.

“If you think my cheekbones are prominent, just wait until you see the bone in my pants.”

“I would sponsor a serial killer just to get your attention.”

“Let me be your umbrella. You can open me over your ‘head’ any time you want.” Submitted by thedithatcould.

“Shall we play doctor? Army doctor, that is.”

“I’d Stay Alive for you.” Submitted by tophatsandfedoras.

“Forget using Anthea– I’d much rather come abduct you myself.”

“When people call me a freak, they mean in bed.” Submitted by tophatsandfedoras.

“I’d like to fiddle with you when I’m thinking– and I’m not talking about playing the violin.” Inspired by this (source unknown).

“I’ll eat you out even though digestion slows me down.”

The best of miscellaneous episode references, from BBC Sherlock pick-up lines.

“You make me so stiff, Molly mistook me for one of her cadavers.”

“I like my partners the way I like my wall decorations: Music-loving and horny.”

“You can ride me if you want. I even come with a riding crop!”

“Will you 221-be mine?”

“Whenever I’m apart from you, I’m bluer than my scarf.”

“If I had a silly-looking jumper for every time I thought of you, I’d be John Watson.”

“If you give me your heart, I promise I won’t put it in the fridge.”

“I was Wats-off, but then you turned me Wats-on.”

“My umbrella will keep you dry, but I’ll keep you wet.”

“I enjoy my jumper collection, but I’d much rather have you on my body instead.”

“I noticed you’re wearing a deerstalker. May I be your dear?”

“So, you like letting freaks into your crime scenes… How about letting a freak into your bed?”

“Will you be the Sher-key to my Sher-lock?”

“You make me so happy, I spray painted a smiley face on our wall.”

“When I tried to deduce you, the floating text turned into erotica.”

“Science of Deduction? Wouldn’t you rather hear about the Science of Seduction?” Submitted by thesaphiragirl.

“Mycroft? I’d rather be your croft.”

“I’d let you investigate more than just my crime scenes, if you deduce my meaning.”

“You steeple your fingers a lot. I could give you something better to do with them.”

“You let my flatmate into your crime scenes… How about letting me into something else of yours?”

“You give me a 221boner.”

“I promise not to shout Graham, Gavin, or Geoff during sex.”

“I want to do you on the tableâ€¦ On the Periodic Table hanging in your bedroom, that is.”

Hey, followers! I hope you’re all having a wonderful Easter because I am having the worst Easter of my life and it is a goddamn miracle I was even able to put this comic together.

The best of the villains, from BBC Sherlock Pick-Up Lines (excluding Moriarty because otherwise he’d be the entire photoset).

“I need condoms so big, people call me Charles Augustus Magnum-sen.”

“Becoming a figment of my mind palace isn’t the only way to get inside of me.”

“Wanna see my Sher-cock?”

“The Headless Nun was only headless because she hadn’t met me… I’m excellent at giving head.”

“John Watson? More like John Hot-son.”

“I want to Lestraddle you.”

“I think you’re 221-beautiful.”

“Do you want to see some More-iarty of me?”

“I’m like Anderson’s beard… I’ll grow on you.”

“If you think Sherlock’s a freak, just wait until you see me in the bedroom.”

“The game is on… Will you play with me?”

“Are you one of John’s jumpers? Because you look so cozy and unique.”

“Dieting is for Mycroft. Come on, you know you want a taste of me.”

“Are you Greg Lestrade? Because you look like a DI… A Dishy Individual.”

“I’m not your housekeeper. The only thing of yours I want to keep is your love.”

“I want you Anderneath me.”

“Can I touch your Belstaff?”

“Wanna know why my Belstaff coat is so long?” Suggested by someone I know in real life, who doesn’t have a Tumblr and is too embarrassed to take credit for the idea anyway.

“Without you, my heart is as broken as Mrs. Hudson’s hip.”

“Forget mind palaces… Wanna see my mind sex dungeon?”

“I want you wrapped around me more tightly than my purple shirt.”

“You put the ‘bae’ in Baker Street.”

“A headphones-wearing bison isn’t the only thing I’d like up against my wall.”

“I would share my ‘herbal soothers’ with you.”

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