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“If I broke into your home, would you have a cup of tea with me?”
“I’m hung like a Baskerville Hound.”
“I.O.U. a threesome.” Submitted by tophatsandfedoras.
“Sex doesn’t alarm me. Want me to prove it?”
“Playing games with you makes my brain explode. In a good way.” Submitted by tophatsandfedoras.
“I don’t have to use my imagination to know that you’d be the last thing I thought of before I died.”
“Sherly– you’re my division.” Submitted by somepeaceplease.
“Leave the wall alone. If you’re bored, I’ll gladly take a pounding from you.”
“Hiiiii… I seem to have misplaced the key to your heart… Would you mind buzzing me in?”
“I baked you a gingerbread cookie. Sorry it’s burnt.”
“If convenient, meet me in my bedroom. If inconvenient, come anyway.”
“You could never repel me.”
“If you take off that bedsheet, I’ll show you my battle dress.” Submitted by bumpershoot.
“I have a special room in my mind palace just for you.” Requested by one of my real-life friends, who doesn’t have a Tumblr.
“I want to put my ‘experiment’ in your 'microwave.’” Submitted by imadeyousomeshoes.
“I always hear ‘kiss me on the mouth’ when you’re speaking, but it’s usually subtext.” Submitted by imadeyousomeshoes.
“You’re the king of my mind palace.” Submitted by tophatsandfedoras.
“I’m married to my work, so we’ll have to be discreet.” Requested by one of my real-life friends, who doesn’t have a Tumblr.
“You can X-ray my possessions if you want.”
“If we were at a restaurant together, I wouldn’t deny that you were my date.”
“Would you like to go round and round the garden like a teddy bear with me?”
“I always hear ‘sit on my face’ when you’re speaking, but it’s usually subtext.” Submitted by verity-burns.
“You make my saliva coagulate.” Submitted by soiguessimhangingherenow.
“I wouldn’t put on pants for you.” Submitted by britishrandominsanity.
“I’d put my riding crop in your mortuary, if you catch my drift.” Submitted by andyouwere-barelyholdingon.
“Being without each other… Isn’t it hateful?”
“If you think my cheekbones are prominent, just wait until you see the bone in my pants.”
“I would have dinner with you even if I wasn’t hungry.”
“I never want to say ‘LATERZ!’ to you.”
“I love you so much, I promise to avoid your nose and teeth whenever I punch your face.”
“Wanna change Moriarty’s nickname for you?” Submitted by tophatsandfedoras.
“I’ll help you excrete the drug out of your system.” Submitted by maskedcity.
“I know a man… And I am what he likes.” Submitted by Raj (no username).
“Even if there weren’t snipers aiming at you, I’d still fall for you.” Submitted by tophatsandfedoras.
“Even if I was allergic to kittens, I would still cuddle you.” Submitted by tophatsandfedoras.
“Who cares about decent? I am turned on!”
“I would sponsor a serial killer just to get your attention.”
“I’d like to get some from you… And I’m not talking about cigarettes.”
“Would you let me come into your ‘cab’ with my 'harpoon’?”
“I would drink your coffee even if the sugar was drugged.”
“My chemical defect for you could never put me on the losing side.”
“When I said ‘I’m just going to whip this out,’ I didn’t mean my detective equipment.” (Inspired by this post.)
“Are you London? Because I want to get to know you and breathe in every quiver of your beating heart.”
“My mustache isn’t the only thing I’d shave for you.” Submitted by Courtney (no username).
“Can I touch your Belstaff?”
“Are you a sitty thing? Because I would love to sit on you.” Submitted by snickersa2010.
“Beauty is a construct based entirely on childhood impressions, influences, and role models… Guess I must have had a lot of those that looked like you.â€
“Yes, you are a pretty lady.“
“I would name my daughter after you even if your first name was William.â€
“John says I tend to rub people up the wrong way, but I bet I can rub you right where you like it.â€
“I would love you even if you looked (and smelled) the part for one of my homeless network.â€
“If you and I had an appointment in Samarra, I would never go to Sumatra and become a pirate instead.â€
“I would go right into Hell and make it look like I meant it just to save you.â€
“Eurus may think I’m nicer than anyone, but just wait until you see my naughty side.â€
“You can borrow my handcuffs in the salad drawer anytime… But only if you use them with me.â€
“Your coffin isn’t the only ‘box’ of yours I’d smash with passion.”Based on a suggestion by @morbidmegz.
“Getting over you is more impossible than arresting a jellyfish.”
“Are you John’s therapist’s flower vase? Because when I look at you, I see a tall glass of water.”
“Will you be the Redbeard to my Yellowbeard?”
“If I be the Thatcher bust, will you be the flash drive? I want you inside of me.”
