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“I don’t have to die if I’ve got you– and believe me, I will have you.”
“You know what they say about big feet? Well, just call me Carl Powers.”
“I bet I can keep you wetter than Soo Lin Yao’s teapots.”
“You’re more valuable to me than a nine million pound jade hairpin.”
“Are you my blogger? Because I’d be lost without you.”
“I would show off at your trial just to get locked in a cell with you.”
“Face the other way. You’re getting me off.”
“You make me so stiff, Molly mistook me for one of her cadavers.”
“I like my partners the way I like my wall decorations: Music-loving and horny.”
“Wanna see what’s Under my Shaw?” Seriously though, save Undershaw!
“Even if I was the St. Bart’s traffic cone, I wouldn’t tell you to slow down.”
“I don’t need a good coat and a short friend to look ‘tall,’ if you get what I mean.”
“You can ride me if you want. I even come with a riding crop!”
“You make me so giddy, I’m giggling even at crime scenes.”
“If you were my drug, a seven percent solution wouldn’t be enough.”
“If I had a silly-looking jumper for every time I thought of you, I’d be John Watson.”
“Forget dead pigs– want to see what I can penetrate with my other harpoon?”
“When I’m retired and studying bees, will you be my honey?”
“If you give me your heart, I promise I won’t put it in the fridge.”
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“I’m more desperate for you than Mycroft is for tea on a train.” Inspired by a tweet from Mark Gatiss.
“I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you, so I had to put them in the microwave.”
“Shake hands with you in Hell? I’d much rather shake something else of yours.”
“Will you be the Sher-key to my Sher-lock?”
“I would disguise myself as a wounded vicar just to get invited into your home.”
“You don’t have to be a murder victim’s stillborn daughter to get me to shout your name over and over again.”
“When I tried to deduce you, the floating text turned into erotica.”
“If you broke into my flat for a tea party, I would let you sit in my chair.”
“On my face. Come at once, if convenient. If inconvenient, come anyway.”
“I would ensure your husband’s death in Florida just to be with you.”
“Without you, my heart feels as empty as my hearse.”
“I’d smile and wink at you even if it didn’t humanize me.”
“Don’t worry, I’m no London ambulance. I take longer than eight minutes to come.”
“The shooting last week isn’t the only reason you may have to restart my heart.”
“I’ve got some pictures for you as a treat… And I’m not talking about the ones I showed Archie.”
“Becoming a figment of my mind palace isn’t the only way to get inside of me.”
“Us meeting couldn’t be coincidence. The universe is rarely so lazy.”
“I would never put the doorbell in the fridge if you were the one ringing it.”
“Without you, I get so bored that I start shooting walls.”
“Wanna see my Sher-cock?”
“You give me life, and not just because Lazarus is go.”
“I would propose to you even if I didn’t need to break into your boss’s office.”
“I would love you even if you messed up my sock index.”
“Is there a ball under my armpit, or did you just make my heart stop?”
“Let’s have a relationship that’s in a good place and very affirming.”
“Solving crimes isn’t the only thing I have a vacancy for.”
“I think you’re 221-beautiful.”
“Your smile shines brighter than an inexplicable matchbox.”
The best of minor characters, from BBC Sherlock pick-up lines.
“You make me more speechless than John asking me to be his best man.”
“You make me more out of breath than Mycroft on a treadmill.”
“When you called me ‘nurse,’ were you really just making do, or were you trying to roleplay?”
“Will you be the Robin to my Hat-Man?”
“I calculate that there are thirteen possibilities once I invite you into my bedroom.”
“Dieting is for Mycroft. Come on, you know you want a taste of me.”
“Are you a train car in Sumatra? Because you are the bomb.”
“If I had only a minute and twenty-nine seconds left to live, I’d want to spend that time with you.”
The best of Greg’s division, from BBC Sherlock Pick-Up Lines.
“I want to have more meetings with you than Magnussen had with the prime minister.”
“Without you, my heart is like the coin that Mary shot… There’s an empty hole in it.”
