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punned: i get bloody noses a lot and i can usually feel it about 30 seconds before it starts dripping. today in class my nose started to bleed. but right before, I turned to this very religious boy who sits next to me and whispered “hail satan” as
puns-are-funs65: When people tell me that learning about history and the past isn’t important:
imnotanegganymore: nickthetwin: yiaichenn: 221b-mine-please: pirenstoletheimpala: mycroft-queenofcake: iamjayse: thenerdfighterkid: slydig: tsarbucks: slydig: dont be mean be median or mode damn math fandom bloggers shut up we have a good
knightscrest: mattsmithsballsack: knightscrest: knightscrest: what do you call tangled yarn in space an astroknot Can you astronot no need to be such an astrosnot
breadonly: h0llo: I love when guys are possessive guy’s
merasmus: cornfuse: merasmus: why is yacht spelled like that why nacht? NO
cyberuser: rnetropolis: cyberuser: why does waldo wear stripes? I WILL KILL YOU AND YOUR FAMILY because he doesn’t want to be spotted
mouseketia: say someone has a dog named lucky and lucky runs away in the middle of the night wouldn’t that mean that the owners would have to be up all night to get lucky
notoffended: davidstrider: davidstrider: which american president was least guilty lincoln he was in a cent I told this joke at Mouth Rushmore and the park ranger hit me
starktrekenterprise: zillyh00: slidingtuna: zillyh00: zillyh00: I ACCIDENTALLY PUT A KNIFE IN WITH MY LAUNDRY Those clothes will make you look ripped LEAVE cutting edge fashion
Tastefully Offensive
worship-the-emenator-because-she: sluttytobias: sluttytobias: what did earth say to the other planets? wow. you guys have no life. oh my god
eleven-at-trenzalore: rneerkat: rneerkat: what kind of fish is made of only two sodium atoms 2 Na I actually want to cry
unsuccessfulmetalbenders: lordoftheinternet: THE LEANING TOWER OF PISA IS IN ITALY IT’S ITALICIZED *adds to list of things that i never even would have bothered to think about if it werent for this website*
shslspookyscary: adropofred: comment s’appelle un chien qui vend des médicaments? un pharmachien why the fuck is this joke in french and why there is 26k notes am i missing something important
spoopyphilia: spagghetto: lermaniacforever-timetofangirl: spagghetto: I wanted my selfie to but instead it only got This just blew my mind I guess you could say it changed your on life
spooky2pope: karkats-left-eyeball: spooky2pope: what do you call a drunk basketball player a slaM DRUNK you know what fuck you i was gonna say tequille o’neal but no you had to blow my punchline out of the water i cant even win a fucking coin flip
knightscrest: damn, i just got SERVED. by my waitress. this restaurant is excellent.
shotacatboys: shotacatboys: what do lawyers wear to court LAWSUITS
scienceing: scienceing: my friend was cold so I told her to stand in a corner corners are 90 degrees
dumbfricker: larry-lovatic: tittyfig: tittyfig: Why is Santa’s sack so big? Because he only comes once a year nO OH MY GOD
thunderwear: im gonna go stand outside so if anyone asks im outstanding
jeremymotifs: whimsicalspecks: disobedient-nightmare: thecatcherintheryebread: This is flat out vulgar! There are minors present! There are minors present i hate you so much This is flat out vulgar
frenums: i can only make comics at 2am apparently
jerkidiot: one of my friends went up to my portuguese dad and asked “you’re portuguese right?” and he said “no im portugoose there is only one of me” and I started crying
ayano-tateyuri: piss-paladin: how do u spell candy w only 2 letters c and y
quarterclever: especiallygoodfinder: nepeter: australians dont have sex australians mate I spat out my coffee sorry about your
questbread: if Finland’s country border isn’t called the Finnish line then I have nothing to live for
hi it me
yifflord: reshiham: why cant your nose be 12 inches long? because then it’ll be a foot
spookymoclel: spookymoclel: a book fell on my head yesterday i guess i only have my shelf to blame
sekahyyh: cardsofclow: decencybedamned: HELLO FANFIC AUTHORS IT’S TIME FOR A VOCAB LESSON wanton: sexually immodest or promiscuous wonton: a type of dumpling commonly found in Chinese cuisines YOUR CHARACTERS SHOULD NOT BE MOANING LIKE A CHINESE
keystonecougar: frenums: (scattered laughter) Oh
sclez: sweetbuttandhellabooty: can we just take a moment and think about the time my dad accidentally made a fried egg that looked exactly like africa i’m the most impressed by the fact the egg also has madagascar madeggascar
jerkidiot: do british prostitutes charge by the pound
thoughtsofmeerkat: i wish i had an accent í there we go
whyisitnotnaptime: Damn, that’s a cold ass honkie
splantamello: beeswarm17: karkat-san: karkat-san: Why was Oedipus against profanity? Because he kisses his mother with that mouth. I’m getting really tired of these motherfucking jokes. wait
dirkkawaii: phlynn: whats the plural of dubstep dubsteps or dubstairs If you fall down dubstairs would that be a bass drop
get lost
the-adequate-gatsby: no homo whole homo 2% homo skim homo soy homo almond homo coconut homo rice homo butter homo #I Can’t Believe It’s Not Homo
himaruyolo: me? an artist? no. im not an artist. im a drawer. [slides open]
ルカス
comickit: jengablocktetris: if you ship two professors is it a scholarship? get out
salad-undressing: salad-undressing: what do you call an apology written in dots and dashes remorse code
communistbakery: astronomers got tired after watching the moon go around the earth for 24 hours so they decided to call it a day
dutchster: worldpeaces: can we just take a second to realize that there are 14 year olds that weren’t born in the 90’s. just fucking let that sink in. what the fuck does he want now
sluttyoliveoil: sluttyoliveoil: what does the teen boy say after murdering a man haha no homo(cide)
ivegottobethere: ima-ho-ho-ho: rneerkat: snapfox: rneerkat: rneerkat: what happens to nitrogen when the sun rises it becomes daytrogen I’m going to bed. good nitrogen sleep tightrogen don’t let the bed bugs bitrogen
wardengrey: A pacifist’s fanfiction: ” their tongues negotiated for dominance”
punnier: how do french cats talk to eachother? they chat
wisped: wisped: What do you call someone who is obsessed with the moon a lunatic
gods-nipples: i don’t use punctuation i use punktuation
improbablenormality: themarginistoosmall: the-selfie-of-dorian-gray: alert: alert: WHAT DO U CALL A DOG THATS A MAGICIAN A LABRACADABRADOR… un magichien #France wins this round
penisburps: lindsaylohoean: does ke$ha go by k€sha in europe i dunno ask will.je.suis
cryonetics: snorlaxatives: *sexually strokes wall until finding light switch* What a turn on.
frenums:
sealfie: sealfie: What do you call a sick eagle? illegal
whataremorals: whataremorals: What do you say to a financially successful art museum? Ey must be the monet
thtwhitegurrl: slutdust: I bought my friend an elephant for their room. They said “Thank you.” I said “Don’t mention it.” Is there a joke here that 15 thousand people get but I don’t?
![himaruyolo: me? an artist? no. im not an artist. im a drawer. [slides open]](https://64.media.tumblr.com/avatar_061d60876397_128.png){kind=avatar}
