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“It’s going to take more than three patches to cure my addiction to you.”
“You are really my area.”
“I would dress for you the way I dress going to Buckingham Palace.”
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but riding crops excite me.”
Accidental headcanon: The Holmes brothers are closet Rihanna fans.
“I would make you scream my name even if we were in the Diogenes Club.”
“I’d go on a second date with you even if we got kidnapped by Chinese smugglers during our first.”
“Oh, so the Internet thinks you look like an otter? Well, I think you otter be in my bed.”
“How about you get off of that phone and let me show you how much fun we can have in the back seat of this car?”
“You do count… Even if I didn’t need a suicide assistant.”
“My idea of a romantic lunch date: Two bags of Quavers and analyzing dirt!”
“I never text when I can talk… You should make me text more often.”
“We’re so domestic, people are even shipping our mugs.”
“I’d like to snuggle under a blanket with you even if we weren’t in shock.”
“I think you’re neater than poisoned children.”
“I may be a blind banker, but I bet I can make you fall for me with two seconds of silence.”
“I would give you the good pill every time.”
“I can’t take my eyes off of you… No, really. I can’t. It’s for an experiment.”
“Excuse me, but did you say ‘Fuck the police’? You must be my division.”
“Honey, you should see me in a crown… and nothing else.”
“I’d like to conduct a Study in your Pink.”
“The newspaper says that you’re a confirmed bachelor… Want me to fix that?”
“When I told you to take my card, I meant my V-card.”
“If you’re a hedgehog, can I be your hedge?”
“I like the ball that I brought to Bart’s, but I’d much rather play with your balls.”
“I’m what people DO!”
“Will you be my live-in normal?”
“I suggest we do that thing where two people who like each other go out and have fun.”
“Wanna know how I suddenly became Mr. Sex?”
“I would ‘coordinate’ with you and a pair of handcuffs in a dark alley anytime.”
“I didn’t need five minutes to feel that we had a special something.”
“I may not be your brother’s handler, but I’ll do everything you tell me to.”
“I have an app that can steal anything… including your heart.”
“Forget using Anthea– I’d much rather come abduct you myself.”
“I’d wait for you even if you kept me as long as Mofftiss kept the Sherlockians.”
“Let’s meet at the rooftop instead of the pool. You’ve got to admit that’s sexier.”
“Forget outliving four people– let me show you the most fun you can have with or without an aneurysm.”
“I like your strong moral principle and nerves of steel, and that’s not just the shock talking.”
“I want to express my love for you in every possible variant available to the English language.”
“I would care if your life was at stake, even if it didn’t help save you.”
“You are far more than a seven, therefore I would leave the flat for you.”
“Mrs. Hudson, are you trying to seduce me?”
“How do you feel about Hamish for a baby name?”
“You are more indispensable than my homeless network.”
“Why should you choose me? Well, I am my own least irritating officer.”
“Nice measurements. How about letting me see them on your real body?”
“Let me be your Action Man. Your brother won’t be able to break me.”
“I may lower the I.Q. of the whole street, but I also raise the libidos of the whole city.”
“I’d like to fiddle with you when I’m thinking– and I’m not talking about playing the violin.” Inspired by this (source unknown).
“I would sniff your second hand smoke even if I wasn’t going through cigarette withdrawals.”
“I want to grow old, retire, and study bees with you.”
“I would go on three dates with you even if you turned out to be a gay, consulting criminal.”
“I’ll eat you out even though digestion slows me down.”
“I don’t care if you boast a lot– I’ll still tell you bedtime stories.”
“I don’t have to die if I’ve got you– and believe me, I will have you.”
“I would wait a year and a half just to serenade you with my Bee Gees ringtone.”
“I would buy you a deerstalker even if the rest of Scotland Yard didn’t pitch in.”
“You know, I’ve got a phone. I mean, very clever and all that, but you could just booty call me. On my phone.”
“You know what they say about big feet? Well, just call me Carl Powers.”
“I bet I can keep you wetter than Soo Lin Yao’s teapots.”