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“I would read your blog even if it wasn’t about me.”
“If convenient, meet me in my bedroom. If inconvenient, come anyway.”
“If we were at a restaurant together, I wouldn’t deny that you were my date.”
“If you’d let me, I’d twiddle you all day and night.”
“If you think my cheekbones are prominent, just wait until you see the bone in my pants.”
“I never want to say ‘LATERZ!’ to you.”
“I’d like to get some from you… And I’m not talking about cigarettes.”
“My chemical defect for you could never put me on the losing side.”
“I’d hit that 1895 times.”
“It’s a good thing I find breathing boring, because you take my breath away.”
“I regret deleting the solar system, because you are out of this world.”
“You are really my area.”
“I would dress for you the way I dress going to Buckingham Palace.”
“I’d go on a second date with you even if we got kidnapped by Chinese smugglers during our first.”
“We’re so domestic, people are even shipping our mugs.”
“I can’t take my eyes off of you… No, really. I can’t. It’s for an experiment.”
“When I told you to take my card, I meant my V-card.”
“If you’re a hedgehog, can I be your hedge?”
“I suggest we do that thing where two people who like each other go out and have fun.”
“I like your strong moral principle and nerves of steel, and that’s not just the shock talking.”
“You are more indispensable than my homeless network.”
“I want to grow old, retire, and study bees with you.”
“You know what they say about big feet? Well, just call me Carl Powers.”
“Are you my blogger? Because I’d be lost without you.”
“I don’t care about your intermittent tremor– I just wanted an excuse to hold your hand.”
“I don’t need a good coat and a short friend to look ‘tall,’ if you get what I mean.”
“You make me so giddy, I’m giggling even at crime scenes.”
“When I’m retired and studying bees, will you be my honey?”
“If your flatmate punched you in the face, I would kiss it better.”
“Are we doing it? Have we done it?”
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“You make me so happy, I spray painted a smiley face on our wall.”
“On my face. Come at once, if convenient. If inconvenient, come anyway.”
“I don’t know what you might deduce about my brother’s heart, but I’ll gladly tell you about mine.”
“Without you, my heart feels as empty as my hearse.”
“How about we both skip your birthday dinner so I can show you my ‘thing’?”
“Only lies have detail, so I won’t elaborate on how much I love you.”
“You’re such a hot Guy, I would steal a motorcycle to get to you.”
“I would endure six months of bristly kisses to be with you.”
“Can our sign be the sign of threesome?”
“I’d get stabbed in the shower just so you’d examine my body.”
“You make a really hot Guy, and I’m not just talking about the Fawkes effigy.”
“Call me Shezza, because I’m going undercover… Under your covers, that is.”
“I was so scared of you leaving me that I started doing napkin origami.”
“Can I whisper how much I love you? NOT REALLY!”
“I’m sorry I came back from the dead with a French accent. Next time I tell you big news I’ll give you something else French.”
“Let’s be Oklahomos together.” (If you haven’t seen it yet…)
“Forget solving crimes– I could use you as an alternative to getting high.”
“The shooting last week isn’t the only reason you may have to restart my heart.”
“Flicking isn’t the only thing I’d like to do to your face.”
“I’d keep your chair even if it was blocking my view to the kitchen.”
“Undercover about my feelings for you? WELL I’M NOT NOW!”
“You may have made my arm squishy, but you’ve made something else of mine rock hard.”
“The game is never over. I want to play with you forever.”
“I would jump out of a cake for you even if I wasn’t revealing that I faked my death.”
“I still love you even though your mustache doesn’t rub off.”
“The game is something, but you are everything.”
“My love for you is #NotDead.” (Credit to shockingblankets for the hashtag, which LATER BECAME CANON.)
“I’m not very good at expressing my feelings, so please understand what I mean when I say that my name is actually a girl’s name.”
“I would love you even if you messed up my sock index.”
