glumshoe
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glumshoe: sarcasticcollegestudent: glumshoe: thereissuchathingasatesseract: glumshoe: fairygodrobot: glumshoe: don’t eat any food given to you by extroverts or while visiting the homes of extroverts do not tell extroverts your real name if
glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: I’m suddenly laughing at the idea of a cliche noir detective story written in the brutally concise style of Hemingway. A woman walked into my office. She had legs. I noticed her legs. “I have a problem. I need your
glumshoe: laughlikesomethingbroken: saltyshinysylveon: glumshoe: storgictrash: glumshoe: Today I was teaching my campers how to start a fire with flint and steel. As they grew increasingly frustrated, I mentioned that in a real survival scenario,
glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: I’m suddenly laughing at the idea of a cliche noir detective story written in the brutally concise style of Hemingway. A woman walked into my office. She had legs. I noticed her legs. “I have a problem.
mexicunt: almostdefinitelydying: terphobic: neddy-spaghetti: spookie-patootie: hypermxbile: jadecitrusdragon: glumshoe: angrypolishenbie: glumshoe: acrylicmeme: glumshoe: glumshoe: Binding is not safe. Long term, it is detrimental to your
glumshoe: glumshoe: rabbitclaw: anarmyofawesome: glumshoe: glumshoe: People easily mistake neurodivergent speech patterns and communication styles for run-of-the-mill pretentiousness. I don’t want to get too specific right now, but a lot of people
glumshoe: vampire-crimson: glumshoe: glumshoe: The first rule of Fight Club is: A member may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. The second rule of Fight Club is: A member must obey orders given it
glumshoe: eclecticbibliophile: glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: I’m at a lowkey Fallout-themed bar. It’s not subtle. The tables are labeled things like “STRENGTH” and “PERCEPTION” and it’s decorated like a 1950’s shelter. Nice. 7/10,
glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: I like haunted houses in theory BUT I have no idea how to react when the actors speak to you. They ask me a question and I just… answer it… The scariest part of a haunted house is the unscripted social interaction.
glumshoe:crystalleena-deactivated2022101:glumshoe:alittleglassofmilk:glumshoe:You who why I hate? Jiminy Cricket. Horrible little green man. Horny all the time. Bad at his job. And you know what? I don’t even think he was even an insect. Explain please
glumshoe: ellisthegayboi: rosetherandomreblogger: cazador-red: dell-a-vabeaut-clean: glumshoe: glumshoe: casual-derg: glumshoe: glumshoe: cipheramnesia: glumshoe: My cat has ice cream prescience. I don’t know how she does it. I don’t
glumshoe:youaresogoingtohell:glumshoe:glumshoe:glumshoe:I’d like to know what the first person to put human clothing on a dog was thinking like were dogs even dogs yet or did someone manage to squeeze a particularly patient tamed wolf into a leather
glumshoe:glumshoe:glumshoe:Hhhhhhhhh my little itty baby dog whomst I already love is some kind of otter child… I can’t wait to bring her home next month!CORRECTION: T H I S is my puppy. The other one is her brother. Little Phaedra does not have
glumshoe:lyrslair:glumshoe:glumshoe:notbomb:glumshoe:hawaiian-monk-selkie:glumshoe:GOD some fucking… gigantic FedEx-looking muscled meatheads just marched up to the door of the nature center, where I am working alone, talking about how if anyone
glumshoe:glumshoe:glumshoe:UPS drivers have infinitely more sex appeal than FedEx driversFedEx drivers:believes my packages are the “a football”always fucking seething with ragetreat my driveway like a PVP combat zonedo not understand how rain worksUPS
glumshoe: ruthlesslistener: ghostingrose:glumshoe:lady-lizbian:glumshoe:my favorite scene in LotR as a kid was when Sam started miserably freestyling in the tower of Cirith Ungol and the only reason he ever found Frodo was because he deliriously tried
glumshoe:normal-horoscopes:glumshoe:shining-supernova:glumshoe:I genuinely think this is a great likeness of me and never need to illustrate myself ever again.op are you a bloodborne npcI don’t know enough about bloodborne to answer that question I
glumshoe:skarmazenuk:glumshoe:glumshoe:I haven’t parted my hair in the center for so long that it doesn’t know what to do. I look like an evil, spoiled prince. You take that back or I will stab you with my obsidian knife. I don’t want to get blood
glumshoe:glumshoe:glumshoe:glumshoe:glumshoe:glumshoe:I got dracula aspirations but jonathan harker swooning syndrome and it’s really putting a cramp in my aesthetic like what am I gonna do when I make my dramatic evil entrance after kidnapping the
glumshoe:fembutchboygirl:glumshoe:graylibrary:glumshoe:testosterone-dyke:glumshoe:lyrslair:glumshoe:glumshoe:nerdyamalgamation:glumshoe:if you cut a perfectly human-shaped hole in an unlocked door do you think more people would open the door or try to
glumshoe:dustycymbre:glumshoe:explorerrowan:glumshoe:being “neatly-groomed” in an office setting: considered “professional”, supposedly inspires confidence in your work ethic and expertise being “neatly-groomed” as a mycologist or entomologist:
glumshoe: presidentialspookwitch: glumshoe: presidentialspookwitch: souryellows: presidentialspookwitch: glumshoe: my friend’s very young daughter is apparently a huge nerd and asked for a “Spock-themed birthday party” She’s 3 going
glumshoe:glumshoe:glumshoe:glumshoe:do Ents reproduce by sexual intercourse or by pollination But if they reproduce through pollination how can they be sure they no longer reproduce? Maybe they’re anemophilous and are wind-pollinated and if they stand
glumshoe:lycan-moonstar:glumshoe:glumshoe:glumshoe:some rocks are ice but not all ice is rockonly wild ice is a rockyou can’t make ice that is a rock in your freezer domestic ice is not a rockalso, even wild ice doesn’t become a rock until there is
glumshoe:tealime9:glumshoe:dirtyzucchini:glumshoe:ang3lba3:glumshoe:transparent-alias:glumshoe:uminoakiko:glumshoe:It’s awkward when people ask me “Is this snake venomous?” about little rear-fanged colubrids like garter, hognose, and ring-neck snakes
glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: Lyft driver: “Your name, is Slavic? Me too. Bulgarian. I drive fast for you, brother.” Now he’s waxing philosophical about the Ottoman Empire, imperialism, and human nature. “Humans? We are the most
glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: jarjarbinky: glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: sunshine-tattoo: glumshoe: glumshoe: sirfoggybrain: glumshoe: Found a very sweet, very stinky dog that now won’t leave my side. I think you might
glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: my uncle -is allergic to chocolate -is physically incapable of laughter (it comes out as a hiss, like steam escaping a pipe) -has weird long vampire teeth -once led a chemical attack
glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: captainlordauditor: glumshoe: Here are the close-captioned versions of my Sam and Mac: detective partners videos, condensed into one post. Investigating a crime scene: Bonding during a stakeout: is the lawful neutral
glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: Human: “Oh. Damn. You really beat the snot out of him, huh?” Robot: “Eh. He’ll live.” Human: “I thought you had like… laws about this kind of thing. About harming humans?” Robot: “Oh, the Asimov
glumshoe:
glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: jarjarbinky: glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: sunshine-tattoo: glumshoe: glumshoe: sirfoggybrain: glumshoe: Found a very sweet, very stinky dog that now won’t leave my side. I think
glumshoe:hoshikostar:glumshoe:mixer-in-monochrome:glumshoe:positivitysnail:glumshoe:lolittlered:glumshoe:if you find a big weird bug and wonder “what the hell is that” it’s probably a dobsonfly But what if it’s little and weird and is this
glumshoe: glumshoe: succinctlysevered: glumshoe: glumshoe: the first person to fall asleep at my party gets tucked in and given some water in case they’re thirsty later also toast and/or eggs in the morning, because I love you, you sleepy bastard
glumshoe: thebibliosphere: glumshoe: laughlikesomethingbroken: saltyshinysylveon: glumshoe: storgictrash: glumshoe: Today I was teaching my campers how to start a fire with flint and steel. As they grew increasingly frustrated, I mentioned that
glumshoe: augustsgoop: glumshoe: glumshoe: smilesandvials: glumshoe: I…. ordered something online several weeks ago, very late at night, when I was not thinking clearly. I forgot about it until I got a shipping notification in my email two days
glumshoe: glumshoe: nevermindtheneon: glumshoe: glumshoe: hey-now-youre-a-porn-star: glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: when I was a kid my mom had to intervene and make me stop saying “farewell” instead of “goodbye” because elderly relatives
glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: “Should I lick the science?” forensic science edition: look, if you have to ask, you’re in the wrong line of work. “Should
glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: glumshoe: “The prophecy did say ‘no man of woman born’… but you are not what I was expecting.” The old witch peered beadily over her spectacles. “I thought the hero would be a young lady, or someone delivered
glumshoe:southsuns:glumshoe:glumshoe:glumshoe:Well kids it finally happened. I had a dream that I was dating a mummy. It was actually sort of an nice dream, and that’s the worst part? I accidentally woke the mummy up and he was confused and distressed
glumshoe:virgo-of-carpathia:glumshoe:astral-tracer:glumshoe:themetaisawesome:glumshoe:Kids get So Offended when you mention that velociraptors were not much bigger than turkeys or domestic dogs. They will insult you very boldly to your face if you show
glumshoe:fish-harlan:glumshoe:an-important-lesson:glumshoe:transparent-alias:slinkanora:ingridverse:glumshoe:hanlonrazor:glumshoe:cryoverkiltmilk:glumshoe:when I’m a baron OR a count OR a marquis I’m going to insist that my castle is only accessible
glumshoe: glumshoe: thisisabitofme: glumshoe: pishposh-haberdash: glumshoe: I’m glad that Indiana finally has its first national park and that it’s the one mostly known for having sand dunes that eat children. how, pray tell, does a dune eat
glumshoe:t3sticles:glumshoe:lafortis:glumshoe:bugbastard:glumshoe:Why are flashing lights and images so commonplace? Even if you’re not epileptic they’re bad and uncomfortable to look at. I know you want to enhance your fight scene or draw attention
glumshoe:definitelynotsatan:glumshoe:soaringsearingphoenix:dukebee:soaringsearingphoenix:forest-enby:glumshoe:scattered-to-the-winds:glumshoe:hey can I make a bad Dune post really quick Nookay :( never mind(Quick do it while they aren’t looking) (I
glumshoe:hugtheteadrinkthekitten:glumshoe:prismatic-bell:glumshoe:lyrslair:glumshoe:glumshoe:notbomb:glumshoe:hawaiian-monk-selkie:glumshoe:GOD some fucking… gigantic FedEx-looking muscled meatheads just marched up to the door of the nature center,
glumshoe:tardigradetheking:glumshoe:thisusernameisunique:glumshoe:paracosim:glumshoe: technically, Minecraft is an ice age invention Please elaborate on this Earth is still enjoying an interglacial period of an ice age …so we’re gonna get HOTTER?No
glumshoe:lyrslair:glumshoe:prismatic-bell:glumshoe:prismatic-bell:glumshoe:sometimes I think I’m not actually as villain-coded as I pretend to be and then I remember that I have purchased a human soul I’m SORRY?it was a steal on eBay how could I pass
glumshoe:scyaxe:glumshoe:bishkebab:glumshoe:la-bruja:glumshoe:“crayfish” is so misleading because they’re obviously not fishjust call them crawdads and go smh what is this yankee shit it’s crawfishbro they’re found all over the world what
glumshoe:radiodark:glumshoe: magically-scientific:glumshoe:reverendyoda: glumshoe:suzirya: glumshoe:there are only sixteen fanfics about the Southern Reach trilogy on Archive of Our Own Oh godI wanna change that please do!!!I’m tempted to but I’m
glumshoe:twerkingyaowang:glumshoe:rose—child:glumshoe:zaprudertwitchstream:glumshoe:how to thicken/lengthen dog vocal cords at home i’m going to need you to explain, in detail, what the fuck you just wrote.my dog keeps opening friendly fire
glumshoe: glumshoe: zanarnaryon: glumshoe: glumshoe: Gandalf: “Oh, that? That’s my friend Gwaihir, the Lord of the Eagles.”Gandalf: “And this is my friend Shadowfax, Lord of All Horses.”Gandalf: “And here’s my buddy GIlbert, Lord
