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lalna: i wanna date someone and live with them in a shitty apartment but be happy about it because we are happy together and we can decorate it with stupid dorky posters of shit we like and figurines and art and we can cook weird recipes we found on
dietcrush: my friend’s dog was sick and couldn’t get up so they were gonna put him down and as his final supper they got him a big mac and when the dog smelled it he shot up and ate it in one bite and lived for three more years
fetussam: I feel so bad for Benedict Cumberbatch. Just because someone’s famous doesn’t mean the paparazzi can stalk and harass them, especially when they’re on holiday. Lot’s of people skinny dip when they go on holiday, and it’s shameful
the-dick-lord-levi: So we have an Italian exchange student at our school. And he and I were hanging out and he saw a pony, and he tried to show me but he didn’t know what it was called so he just pointed at it and said “Look, the compressed horse.” And
flannelbuttphenomenon: life hack: get a tattoo. if the people at the job interview notice it and look concerned, laugh a little and explain “it’s just temporary.” months later if your boss asks why you lied and said it was a temporary tattoo,
wesqibbins: kinks182: stop yelling sexual things at celebrities. they’re still only human, and their fame does not make your obscenities any less ok. it’s sexual harrassment; it’s rude, it’s disrespectful, and it no doubt makes the individual
despondence: irregulartangerine: LADIES, GENTLEMEN, AND PEOPLE WHO DON’T FALL UNDER EITHER OF THOSE CATEGORIES, this is an elephant shrew. it’s adorable and i just wanted to shower you with little gifs of it because look at it. look at it’s
savingpeoplehunting-things: doritos-maragaritos: theramen: wellhellotello: fckingmajeliblood: so-much-hilarity: I keep having to remind myself that it’s the lionesses that do the hunting and killing and get their faces soaked in blood I mean is
boys-and-suicide: I’m actually terrified that no one is going to fall in love with me. Even if they said they love me, I could never truly believe it because I’ve been lied to a lot and the “I love you” lost its meaning for me because one day
detectivanilla: percymyjackson: So my driving teacher has three fingers on one hand and four on the other and he makes puns about it and it’s great. And today he was like “I went to the museum and found my ancestors’ look guys!” And showed us
actualfiction: 37. portlandia“What are you drinking?”“Um. It’s capatchutchutchutea? It helps clear out my tear ducts, and keeps my skin nice and dry. It tastes like soot and hot water.”
shialablunt:this movie is the biggest inspiration ever since i found out it was just some college kids that made it on their own without a studio and stuff and it made millions of dollars and that stuff keeps me goin
just-shower-thoughts: What if aliens visited Earth during the Jurassic Period, found it to be occupied with a bunch of mean, giant lizards and thought “Well, fuck this planet” and never came back?
supernatasha: i used to think it was fun and interesting to get into debates about feminism or racism, or in general challenge people’s bigotry and prejudice and call them out. but recently it’s become a burden. it’s a chore now. i no longer want
mitzi-tsetse: ontopofgravity: I asked one of my (male) friends to stop using the phrase “man up” and he has been using “fortify” for the past two weeks instead and it’s just a little thing but honestly it makes a difference and tbh it’s
dragondicks: I went to smell my bra this morning to see if it was gross and for some reason the instructions got fucked up on the way from my brain and I ended up putting it to my ear and just listening to it for a second. Idk how my brain thought that
dom-wolfy: A Little one should know,It’s okay to get mad sometimes.It’s okay be upset and act fussy.It’s okay to throw a fit and say things you don’t really mean.But no matter what you do, a good Daddy will always forgive you and hold you close
quasigeostrophy: gh0stl33: lonelyhumanoid: destroy the “german is a scary language” stereotype 2k15 it’s actually a really cute language and kinda funny sometimes likeguinea pig in german literally means “little sea pig” and turtle means
I would like to make it known that I am completely and utterly in love with this boy and I could never ask for a better, more understanding and more caring boyfriend. Anytime we have problems, we work it out, and we adjust to change and be better people
inkkko: “I really can’t imagine being with anybody else. I mean who else can possibly be the right match? We still have a lot of fun together and i’m still looking forward to having dinner with her and listen to her stories. I mean it’s really…
sexualsuggest: Be rough with me. Pin me down and fuck me like you mean it. I wanna feel it in the morning. I want to remember you shoving my knees open and pressing your palm to my throat and making me take it.
ask-or-rp-with-will-petrisous: squad16: finalellipsis: bestnatesmithever: What if it bites me and it dies? that means you’re poisonous. jesus christ, nate, learn to read. What if it bites itself and I die? It’s voodoo.
littleivor: I suffered from really bad chronic nosebleeds when I was a kid and one time i had one so bad it covered my face and chest and shirt. i mean it was everywhere i looked like i’d just eaten someone. so i go to my mom and tap her awake and
thefuckisabook: Hoping that comes through well, because this is kind of important- the Epic Games launcher scrapes your PC for any data it can get and sends it home. And by ‘any data it can get’ I mean it scrapes web browsers, goes into steam to
potteronus-deactivated20121230: I mean, it literally has been my childhood and suddenly it all came down to really just one random scene, with us jumping through a fireplace, and then it was over. But because you shoot out of sequence, it’s often just
watchingmefuck: I’d like to introduce you all to my new best friend. It’s named Terra and I snagged it from Bad Dragon after a follower was so incredibly awesome and bought it for me to play with. I managed to knot it on the first try.. which means
voiceofnoone: defendpizza: voiceofnoone: Only just started listening to Wildfire by La Dispute And already I know its fucking amazing <3 wildlife u mean wildlife sure ok and ‘u’ mean ‘you’, its called a mistake -.- hahaha. it
grawly:starshapes:grawly:The new spongebob movie felt more like a really long episode rather than a movie with a cohesive plot. I mean it was genuinely very good and I DID enjoy it but it felt like it was all over the place and didn’t want to retain
OMG at my b-day party in nightclub we were dancing near the swimming pool and then my friend lost balance and we both fell into the pool!!! After that i understood the meaning of a word "party hard" and made some wet step up2-style dance! OTL there was
hardnipplesforever: fetish4: Verso. Holy Shit, this picture took offffff. I mean, it seems to have long ago been stripped of its original textual write-up, but hey, it’s mine, and it’s of Cam Damage, and there we have it.
dom-wolfy:A Little one should know,It’s okay to get mad sometimes.It’s okay be upset and act fussy.It’s okay to throw a fit and say things you don’t really mean.But no matter what you do, a good Daddy will always forgive you and hold you close
sherlock: guys I have this monster-sized Sherlock book (and I mean hUGE) like. It’s a beast. I don’t even know where to put it but I wanna show you guys but oh my god the best thing is k. It’s this limited edition and such, and hard to find out
miamisugarxo: If a guy pokes me on Facebook and I poke him back and he pokes me back again does that mean he wants to fuck me? What is a poke? What does the poke mean? It’s a euphemism for his penis so by now you guys are already fuck buddies