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gnarly-gnat: one time at a wax museum i thought one of the tour guides was a wax person cuz they were just standing there not moving so i go up to them like “who the fuck is this supposed to be” then they just looked at me and laughed
sherlocksmyth: sherlocksmyth: one time my religion teacher who has a monobrow asked me “what the hell did you do to your hair?” because i had a blonde streak through it and i said “what the hell did you do to your eyebrow” and he sent me outside
hogwartsfacebook: thesassylorax: feferi: yesterday me and another girl were explaining that most americans don’t have kettles in their kitchens to a british woman who runs a tea shop and she said “well how do you make your tea, then?“ and
jennstarkid: jennstarkid: jennstarkid: I AM LAUGHING SO HARD WHO IS THIS GUY YOU HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER oh my god i cant stop laughing though this guy gUYS OH MY GOD STOP TEXTING HIM I AM SCARED NOW
thewhatever: Rebels who can’t be stopped.
thewolfofnibu: stahscre4m: there are guys in my dorm who decided to play cards in the elevator see what intrigues me about college isnt the intellectual pursuit or the bonding or whatever, its the fact that people have the freedom to do random shit
spoopyirleridan: ghostbustice: spookyscarytweets: The day has finally come. guess we know who won…B(
spookylalonde-ry: )(IC: are u fuckin w me )(IC: who dis bitch think she is
mariealbertine: The time our entire design class dressed up for Halloween as the design teacher (who notoriously almost only wore grey sweaters and always had a cafeteria coffee in hand). I remember him walking down a super long empty hall and we all
bravelittlecastiel: angelwithscarsonherwrist: odair: funerals are so depressing. i want a parade when i die. cupcakes. airhorns. dancing. maybe even a murder mystery game with me as the person who was murdered. you want to put the fun back in funeral
pemsylvania: pemsylvania: who here knows how to dismantle a security camera everybody on here always acts like some criminal mastermind when in reality 40 of you guys told me to smash it with a rock and at least 3 told me to seduce it
allthejohnroxy: ampvee: jonnovstheinternet: [via] oh my fucking god that is the face of a man who understands the damage he’s caused
neoliberalismkills: a man who gets what he wants out of life
gaycaptain: swagslick: swagslick: high-blogging: high-blogging: fasciation: fasciation: bodysrock: everyone who reblogs this will get gordon ramsay in their inbox i’M CRyING if you don’t keep your promise i swear to god i reblogged
sashaburasu: WHO SAYS VIDEO GAMES ARE A WASTE OF TIME
carnahan: And yet there are those who doubt him and question how he gets around the entire world in one night…
hec-ticglow: love how bus drivers give each other that little wave or nod when their buses pass like they’re in a secret bus driver club who are actually on a way more important mission than what seems, they’re actually out preventing public mayhem
miaouler: nanokorg: tachimukais: one person visiting from the past WINDOWS VISTA MAY BE AN OLD SYSTEM BUT ARE YOU NOT NOTICING THE TIME TRAVELER WHO IS 1,992 VERSIONS AHEAD OF THE CURRENT OS WTF? son i have news for you
lavastormsw: hillbillyinablimp: 4gifs: When you’re not good with chopsticks. [video] is this the same guy who does he just have a giant cutlery set lying around seriously though
averypottermormon: happymahiru: happymahiru: there are a lot of serial killers outside and they sound like little girls being attacked by geese wtf shut up im trying to sleep here THERE ARE GEESE OUTSIDE HOLY SHIT I MEAN GEESE WHO SOUND LIKE LITTLE
saccharinescorpion: sweet dreams are made of bees who am i to diss a bee i travel the world and the seven bees everybody’s bees
squirrelwritesthings: sometimes I feel like people who make TV shows don’t understand what computers look like
piepup: perchu: perchu: perchu: what if magical girl transformations were just shitty powerpoint transition effects who brought this back fUC k oFf bring this back
thetechnicolortrenchcoat: Today is Copernicus’s 541th birthday. You may remember Copernicus as the man who said “Hey, what if the Earth went around the sun?” To which the Catholic Church replied “Hey, what if we set you on fire?”
crowbara: jetgreguar: gaybabyrollins: vuov: Neptune taken by NASA who THE FUCK let NASA take Neptune release neptune Free Neptune 2014
staticpoison: thanl: off-the-wall-geek: So I went on Omegle today out of boredom and I meet up with three police officers from Iraq. We all became best friends and had a competition of “who can balance an object on their head the longest.” I chose
killfith: neongenesist: kyrigiris: it’s a metaphor. you put the spider between your teeth, but you don’t actually swallow it, so you stay average and spiders georg remains an outlier who shouldn’t have been counted. This is it. This is the beginning
behind-a-wall-of-illusion: kenweys: this elevator does not go up or down it goes isosceles triangle and left who the hell let willy wonka design another elevator
greathaircut: to the prankster who put “the moon” as the address on their online pizza delivery order: thanks a whole dang lot. i was up there for like ten minutes just aimlesly waiting, ringing the doorbell, kicking moon rocks around
teamalphari: don’t believe any boy who says “i’m not like other guys” unless he has snow-white hair, glowin green eyes and can walk through walls, disappear and fly
edens-blog: heartbeatofatimelord: physcoaustin: tardisol: IF YOU HAD ROOM WITH ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IN IT AND THE WALLS CEILING AND FLOOR WERE MADE OF MIRROR WHAT WOULD IT LOOK LIKE IN THE MIRRORS No. Holy shit I asked my dad who’s a physics teacher
Advice for anyone who wants to fight the sun
leonkumquat: when my dad was in college he had a friend who told a girl he’d take her on a date unlike any other she’d ever been on and so he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank they’re married now
millie-tant: I mean, I’m not calling you a liar Windows, but that sounds like something someone who’d fucked about with my files would say
stability: I mean who could win against that amazing strategy???
smartaveragebears: hearing the word ‘salty’ in it’s original context is so weird now bc someone could literally just say ‘these pringles are so salty’ and I’ll just be thinking damn who’ve those pringles been vagueing about now
get-thee-to-a-shrubbery: creepsandcrawlers: tastefullyoffensive: (via b_flex14) WHY IS THEIR GRANDPA SO JACKED WHO DID THIS
ifagrizzlycouldtalk: blainekatzman: im really mad at how accurate this is A moment of silence for our fallen bearded brother who sacrificed himself for the sake of this disgustingly accurate illustration.
glittergraphix:i really hope that all 33k people who reblogged this know that i was serious as hell
ofmoonlightandthesun: smis-happens: edens-blog: brendonbrandon: she-who-shall-not-be-laid: mhalachai: patrickthomson: this is your periodic reminder that old-timey medicines did not fuck around Yeah that’d probably handle a cough. “skillfully
ask-sparkling-awesomeness: an-animal-imagined-by-poe: My favorite ever pronoun story has to be one of my German professor’s. He fondly remembers being mugged by a gang of teenagers in Dresden, who used Sie (formal you) the entire time. HAND OVER
To people who use "þ" as an aesthetic "p"
donutsforsteven: laughlikesomethingbroken: buzzfeed: 21 People Who Forgot A Word And Just Made Some Shit Up last night i said masculine when i wanted meat
zackisontumblr:who cares
beejohnlocked: chekhovsgum: cindymoon: i’m so tired of the AU where your soulmate’s name is on your wrist. i want my enemy’s name on my wrist. i wanna know who i’m going to have to physically fight eventually. turn on your fucking location
babycakesbriauna: ctron164: hotephoetips: nayan1: Who needs expensive equipment, when you have good friends for the angles LMAO Team work makes dream works
squadron-of-damned: #who is doing alchemy on the tennis court again what the hell do you mean again???
stygianmoon: violentadd: just-shower-thoughts: An assassin is really just a serial killer who takes requests. Excuse you, they take commissions “hey man can you kill this guy?” “alright that will be 10k” “ugh cant you just do it for
dilfgod: dilfgod: people have been illegally dumping their old boats all around abandoned neighborhoods in detroit so this one newscaster on the local news station has been collecting them and finding out who the owners are by looking up the ID numbers
a-anom: tredlocity: spitblaze: tredlocity: she who girl
thefourteenthdoctor: watchtheskytonight: spirit-of-the-ocean: my uncle used to be one of those people who drove dead people to cemeteries and such then he became a taxi driver and the person he was driving tapped his shoulder to ask a question
inrealityadream: Who the fuck names horses
gay-son-of-a-pastor: shoptiludropdead: muffinsandmatriarchy: m00nqueer: ok this is “earring magic ken” who was introduced in 1992 (and discontinued shortly thereafter) basically mattel had done a survey and discovered that girls didn’t think
thejonymyster: glumshoe: the ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ has only been actually typed once by a single person, everyone else who has ever used it has just googled “shrug emoji” and copy-pasted it why repaint the mona lisa
Someone who doesn’t watch baseball please explain this picture
pajamaben: “Hey, do you own any cats?” “yeah i own cats. i own them all the time. *points at a passing cat* you walk like a moron. hey, who’s your barber? some kind of…bad barber or something?? idiot”
earlploddington: enigmaticagentalice: shoutout to the guy in charge of the train station at my hometown, who doesn’t limit himself to announcing trains but also: comments on interesting birds he sees on the platform gives completely unofficial weather
imnotacountry:WHO DID THIS?!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
bewitchingleigh: WHO DID THIS
carsinsidejob:We need a Disney princess who’s married, in town for the weekend, 8" uncut, DDF, 420 friendly, can’t host, your pic gets mine
![allthejohnroxy: ampvee: jonnovstheinternet: [via] oh my fucking god that is the face of a man who understands the damage he’s caused](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a57375cde687e4ebece94af40d33b0d4/tumblr_mr3whc5VJd1rq3b5ko2_r1_250.png)
![lavastormsw: hillbillyinablimp: 4gifs: When you’re not good with chopsticks. [video] is this the same guy who does he just have a giant cutlery set lying around seriously though](https://64.media.tumblr.com/1cf228bc5e19c44b6d0b6d1faa590300/tumblr_ms9k6rZLHZ1qdlh1io1_250.gif)
