shipless
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“It’s a drugs bust. I’ll bring the drugs; you bring the bust.”
“I made you some shoes.”
“Let’s talk about the birds and the Bee Gees.”
“You don’t need one of those cats to get lucky tonight.” Submitted by tophatsandfedoras. Based on a suggestion by deeppuddles.
“You’re gonna need a blanket when you see the size of my cock.”
“Be the Mrs. Hudson to my skull. By which I mean I want you to take me.” Submitted by deeppuddles.
“Let’s get under this blanket and give everyone a shock.” Submitted by tophatsandfedoras.
“Want to see how far down this tan really goes?” Submitted by turtleplz.
“You light up my life like a fairy.” *Make sure you use the proper, high-pitched tone of voice when saying “Like a fairy!”
“Sherlock isn’t a fraud, and so isn’t my love for you.” Submitted by thecagedbirdwithasong.
“I would jump in front of a death frisbee for you, my dear.”
“You can slip your hand into my pocket anytime.”
“People who don’t find me attractive? Not my division.”
“I’m hung like a Baskerville Hound.”
“I know caring is not an advantage, but that hasn’t stopped me from caring about you.”
“Your Moves Like Jagger make me want to Stay Alive.”
“I fell for you like Sherlock off of Bart’s.” Submitted by turtleplz.
“I put the ‘wood’ in 'Westwood.’”
“Minds aren’t the only thing I’m good at fucking.”
“Hiiiii… I seem to have misplaced the key to your heart… Would you mind buzzing me in?”
“I’d like to occupy a ‘minor’ position in your bedroom.”
“I have a special room in my mind palace just for you.” Requested by one of my real-life friends, who doesn’t have a Tumblr.
“Would you like to go round and round the garden like a teddy bear with me?”
“Wanna see where my division really is?” Submitted by itsnotokaytolickyourfriends.
“Wanna see MY crown jewels?” Submitted by custardcreems.
“You can stand under my umbrella.” Submitted by anonymous.
“If there was a fire, you’d be my priority exposed.”
“Being without each other… Isn’t it hateful?”
“I’m inside you with my umbrella.”
“Want me to make you moan like my text alert?”
“Would you let me come into your ‘cab’ with my 'harpoon’?”
“If you were my holiday, I wouldn’t need to fancy another one.”
“My dick is so huge, my doggy style is referred to as Baskerville Hound style.”
“Yes, I said that the laptop was in THE bedroom. No, that wasn’t a typo.”
“You make me go ‘Oh my GAAAAAWD!’ more than a hydraulic bed.”
“I can shoot it so far, not even Vatican Cameos will save you.”
“Shall I show you the code to my safe?”
“Rank isn’t the only thing I enjoy pulling.” Submitted by custardcreems.
“Let’s film a different kind of video on my phone.” Submitted by tophatsandfedoras.
“I wanted to be a pirate so I could get at your booty.”
“Want to see what else I keep hidden in my bra?”
“I may be on a diet, but I’d still lick your ‘frosting.’”
“How’d you like to help me make child number six?” Submitted by tophatsandfedoras.
“You. Me. Three continents. How about it?”
“England would fall if you left me.”
“I would make you scream my name even if we were in the Diogenes Club.”
“I’d like to snuggle under a blanket with you even if we weren’t in shock.”
“I think you’re neater than poisoned children.”
“I’d Stay Alive for you.” Submitted by tophatsandfedoras.
“Would you like to be wearing this jumper tomorrow morning?” Submitted by herbailiwick.
“I may be a blind banker, but I bet I can make you fall for me with two seconds of silence.”
“I would give you the good pill every time.”
“If I dress up as a museum security guard, will you let me inspect the work of art in your pants?”
“Excuse me, but did you say ‘Fuck the police’? You must be my division.”
“Honey, you should see me in a crown… and nothing else.”
“I like the ball that I brought to Bart’s, but I’d much rather play with your balls.”
“Let me unwrap you like this mercury-laced candy.” Submitted by tophatsandfedoras.
“I’m what people DO!”
“Will you be my live-in normal?”
“I don’t do anonymous clients, but for you I’ll make an exception.â€Submitted by mercyhouse.
