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gnarly: Officer: are you aware how fast you were going? Me: Well my snapchat selfie says 65 mph… Officer: omg add me
aaashleylove: It’s crazy how people play victim in a situation they created
forcenturies: I like how “I hate you” or “I hate this” has become a sign of affection towards the person/thing
ursula-uriarte: “Twinkle, Twinkle little bat! How I wonder what you’re at! Up above the world you fly. Like a tea-tray in the sky
resynched: bewbin: How to get awards in Hollywood [”mad world” plays as person scrolls through a list of all-white oscar nominees. the person then picks up a white piece of paper and staples it to their own forehead]
interentmofo: so as every child does, i used to call my dad ‘daddy’ and my mom keeps asking me why I don’t call my dad daddy anymore how tf do you explain that to a parent *forever screaming*
spacetwinks: think about how shitty a boyfriend yogi bear would be. “hey today let’s steal a picnic basket” hey today let’s do literally anything else, yogi. fuck you
You really never know how addicted you are until you have to stay sober.
markmontano: Alice Through the Looking Glass Mixed Media Bottles DIY. Here’s how: https://youtu.be/8-iGJgew850 So fun!
atnerls: no matter how many striped t shirts u own there will always be variations of stripes u dont have so the safe thing to do is just buy them all if you can
powerburial: godkuro: a-vial-of-me: also, muffin fucker is a place now? There’s no “W” in “muffin fucker” has anyone ever told you guys how gifted you are? youre smarter than everyone else
shityouregosays: ✨ This sounds like wishful thinking, but it’s true. When it comes to how I experience life (my happiness and general mood) the state of my mind is more influential than the state of my circumstances. The world holds no inherent meaning
goblinbutch: me: *is bored for 0.5 seconds* me: i wanna learn how to work wood. i need to build a boat
goingtobuffalo: 0oazulo0: goingtobuffalo: how fucked up would it be if you jumped in a ball pit and it was just tomatoes painted different colors Depends. … On what
mistermindwiper: How do you call a scene with an italian dom?Pizza Topping Fuckin done 😹😹
guitargoat: scienceasfuck: congragulation: just precisely how bad was 1500s jerusalem at making maps, you ask? well, this…is a fidget spinner Reblog if you believe in fidget spinner earth.
poptartswiftie: howyougetthefangirl: I walked to a deli and got a sandwich to go and a coffee and while I was waiting these two teenage girls ran up and were like OH MY GOD JESSICA HOW ARE YOU and then hugged me and the one whispered “that guy was
thatrandogirl: thequantumqueer: orochimemelord: severus-snape-is-a-butt-trumpet: is there a word for “i was instantly good at a lot of things as a quote-unquote gifted child, and, as a result, i was able to skate by without ever being taught how
egalitariste: feministe-radicale-et-bisexuelle: edwardspoonhands: cassandracroft: So this is what trust looks like. Funny, my first thought was “So this is what the patriarchy looks like.” Yup. This is how women are supposed to trust men. With
critical-perspective: americansylveon: shitpost-senpai: snowystater: bitty Actually, This is how the webcam was invented. At Cambridge University, they were sick of checking the coffee pot level, so Quentin Stafford-Frasier wrote client software
ask-an-ace: The saga of animals who want you to know how great you are continues
laydiexskull: I’ve spent so long in the darkness, I’d almost forgotten how beautiful the moonlight is…Emily from The Corpse BrideFB|IG|Twitter|Patreon
moonlandingwasfaked: this is how bernie can still win
sonoanthony: obama-taught-me: If you haven’t seen the .gif How you miss the most important part
realbara: how can someone ball so hard
cloudimind: how do you run from what’s inside your head?
shroomytimes: Fat fucking pile of shrooms!!! Can’t wait to see how much it weighs dry
tweakermcnugget: Sometimes you gotta just spell out how you truely feel
taylorhxll:I’m such a tease. I’ll tell you how bad I want to fuck you and then probably fall asleep.
thisopiatelife: how do you make an atheist pray to god? put them into opiate withdrawal
smouldered: yeah i wanna make you cum but i also gotta check in on that mental health and see how your day was ok like what u need to talk about?? u can tell me while i go down on u
bongloadsofmeth: rapunzel-corona-lite: cooldadhats: telvi1: paninimami: illmaticraj: I can’t believe there are people out there that haven’t seen this before Throwback lol I feel old lol No really. How old is this. Rcause I have never seen
cornerof5thandvermouth: i love how half of millenial humor is just thinly veiled cries for help and the other half is dadaist absurdism
housewifeswag: hey you stop scrolling I just want to remind you how strong you are and that I care a lot about you life is a cycle of highs and lows but good times are ahead so keep your head up
killyourselfalicia: do you ever sit with a group of people and not say anything for the entire time so theres no reason for you to be there youre just awkwardly listening to people converse while doing your own thing and wondering how its so easy for
asloppyjoe: Disney gone bad. This might ruin peoples’ childhood, but let’s not ignore how epic it is 👉👌👉👌
annabellioncourt: aprilwitching: candles are how we keep fires as pets this is unnecessarily adorable
earthmedicina:how funny that “spiritual” people fall into the very traps they think they have moved above. newsflash, seriousness doesn’t equal spirituality. JOY is one of the most spiritual emotions. joy is pure presence. play is pure presence.
lightupthe-skies: ““How’d you lose the weight? You look great now” *in a serious tone* “lots and lots of drugs” then we both laugh and move on with the conversation. She laughs because she thinks I’m kidding. I laugh because I just told
voidbuddy: someone: you forgot to eat? how?? aren’t you starving? me: I don’t know I can’t feel anything
gauche-ghost: If you’re going to kill me,you might as well do it right.Sit down, pull up a chair and I will tell you, step by step, how to hurt me best. “You’re a funny girl.” — J. (funny girl)
inthecloudswithcristy: “I refuse to tell anyone how bad it really got again.” — Because i know they can’t handle it to go through this again.- //04.09.2015//11.52// (via vermoeidetiener)
thedragonfromcloud9: xorganized-chaosx: xorganized-chaosx: shatweaka: methodicalmethematics: Best way to test out how high you really are?Try loading another bowl. Fuck it…I’m on one… 😂😂😂 my favorite thing ever. thank @dazedlilfox
methed-up-samurai-is-a-ghost: “I enjoyed bending my reality with drugs so much that at one point I thought “I wonder how it would feel to break it. I am going to break reality.” Then I basically tried to overdose on hallucinogens I guess cuz I
killed-long-ago: “You have a choice in this world, I believe, about how to tell sad stories, and we made the funny choice.” — John Green, The Fault in Our Stars (via coral)
dazedlilfox: The worst part about anything that’s self destructive is that it’s so intimate… You become so close with your addictions and illnesses… That leaving them behind is like killing the part of yourself that taught you how to survive…
just-shower-thoughts: I like how the term “as fuck” is a common unit of measurement.
pokehauntess: how you gonna call me out like that
wnq-writers: “Some people can’t understand how depression can keep you bed-ridden, or when I tell them that getting up fills me with an immense sensation of “doom”. Why, you ask? When I’m in bed, I am nobody. I am this skin and these bones.
blog-of-tahuti: “How can mirrors have eyes if our eyes have ears?” — Tina, after Jaden Smith (as heard in the Bob Ross Special)
teile-land: A: Please rate how happy you are on a scale from 1 to 10B: -3
sophiia-rose: I didn’t realize how much meth actually fucked with my life until I did And god damn what happened
cuntus: “When a teenager starts using drugs as an escape, they become our baseline - our normal. Then when we’re grown, we have no idea what your normal is, or how to follow it.” — Cuntus, personal experience.
remanence-of-love: “As he flicked his pen across each page ,the boy brought forth another galaxy of stars. For his poetry brought so much more music to my lips. And I wonder, if he realizes just how beautiful he is?” — Spellbound//Conee Berdera
just-shower-thoughts: Considering how there’s no trace of humanity in the film, the Lion King could be set in any era. It could be the Bronze Age, renaissance Europe or a cyborg future where humanity has gone extinct.
cryptmutt: god, imagine sharing a bed with the person you love. chatting about dumb things! just sleeping! it’s like a sleepover but every night how sweet is that!!!!
stayhighandalive:yeah tell me all that cute sappy shit but also push me against the wall and tell me how badly u wanna feel me wet
coral:It’s important that you keep your feelings and your self worth in different places because when feelings get hurt it shouldn’t change how you view yourself.
![resynched: bewbin: How to get awards in Hollywood [”mad world” plays as person scrolls through a list of all-white oscar nominees. the person then picks up a white piece of paper and staples it to their own forehead]](https://64.media.tumblr.com/avatar_f43f02ae814d_128.png){kind=avatar}
