its sad
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I get it, I’m unstable and I’m not really a person. I’m going to just quit student teaching and probably kill myself. there. that’ll make everyone be able to move on with their lives.
Today was one of those days I really needed somebody. Guess what? I didn’t get it. So… backing away from life and giving up. yeah.
I can’t even cry anymore. There’s no point. Nobody really cares. At least anyone remotely interested in/able to support me in person. This is how it ends. This sucks.
I don’t know why I delude myself into thinking anyone actually cares enough to help. they don’t. no one does. that’s why nothing has changed. or gotten better. nobody gives a shit about anyone aside from themselves. that’s it.
I’m……….. so……….. suicidal. why did I surround myself with such shitty people throughout my life……… why do I bother posting on this blog… why do I think it might improve if I
I’m not worth saving. Everyone knows it that is not blessed with my ability to filter my thoughts on the internet. I hope I get in a fatal car crash or something because fuck this.
i’m driving way too many people away to really think it’s any one’s fault but my own. problem is, i don’t even know how the fuck i could fix this about me.
I saw a picture of my ex-housemate on instagram and it was sucha fucking kick in the teeth for me. there are people in the world that think she’s great. there are people in the world that think she’s nice. there are people in the world that
I’m a week into the semester and I already had to pull the “I have an undiagnosed mental illness and it makes being a student really hard!!!!!!” card. I’m a fucking disaster please kill me.
I can’t tell if it’s worth contacting a few people and just be like “hey are we still friends? if we’re not can I please defriend you from everything and move on?” but last time I did anything like that I was “giving
where’s the point where I lose so many people that I just become a robot? it’ll make things a lot easier.
I just had a horrifying dream featuring ex friends AGAIN only this time it results in the people that haven’t left me yet getting killed feeling unsafe even when I go to sleep is actually infuriating
Im so fucked up and lonely that I’m getting upset over too cute because it features the breed of dog an (ex?) Friend owns.
I hate that I keep handing in things late, because I’m a mentally ill piece of shit. I want to do things on time. I want to be a good student. But it’ll be a few hours before the assignment is due and I’ll dissociate or I’ll
I’m not even triggered over this btw. If that makes anyone feel better. I’m just… very upset. It reminds me about how unsafe I can be if I talk about my experiences with SI with the wrong people. And I know Morgan wouldn’t
took awhile but I can finally initiate touching, which is cool. I’m still not totally comfy being close to people that aren’t my SO at the moment, because when people touch me I get this weird burning sensation where they touch me. It’s
ahhh this is so fucking ridiculous I went through so much fucking shit and I am graduating and it’s going to be like a 3.8 or some shit this is great but no my brain is not able to look past this
this is so silly but I broke out kind of bad and I’m really upset about it? I haven’t changed anything in my makeup routine and the only theory I can come up with is that the zits line up with where I rest the phone against my face when
I’m doing pretty well on the putting up a decent front part, but hah hah this isn’t going to last it’s going to bottom out real quick because I’m trying to cope with a death but also trying to cope with the fact that this could
assault cw, nsfw text, tmi (overshare monday sorry) I think what really pissed me off about my assault, and still does really, is that I didn’t even have a great comfort level with sexuality before it happened. dysphoria fucked me up a lot and
I’m putting so much heart and soul into this fic and it’s probably going to get like three kudos fuck
this is also probably working in tandem with the fact that I just slumped really fucking bad right now and I don’t even know how to cope hah hah so of course I’m going to just. be terrible and a mess. but also have it attack the parts
talks about #assault/exes I get so stressed out when I see a person like a whole bunch of my shit in a row. which is absolutely ridiculous. and yet I still get really stressed out, because it’s what they did and they assaulted me and the past
I hate when i can feel myself slipping into a bad place. Because I’m just kind of like “????? what do" I feel like an animal sensing a storm. I’m pacing around and there’s nothing yet, but it’s going to happen
hhhhhh I’m really freaking out rn fuuuuck turns out my ex-best friend is moving back to her parent’s place? which is like. within walking distance of the school I work at. and I’m just. feeling physically ill thinking about it.
supnoah: I regret opening up to some people and it just bugs me knowing there’s a few out there who didn’t even deserve to know me like that but do
I’m realizing how inadequate I am at my job, because it’s part-time. I can’t support my students at the capacity I want to and I’m just so fucking pissed off. I hate that I’m not working at the level I want to. I hate
I’m getting bad brains rn and I don’t know what to do about it anymore I’m so tired please kill me
so basically I had a panic attack earlier today and almost had one during dinner. the rest of the time I just felt bad/ill/stressed/panicked/whatever the fuck. I’m just. really freaked out and upset. because it was so long since I had physical
everything is awful and it’s not even my profession life or anything like that! I’m just a hideous self destructive piece of shit who is legitimately damaged goods this is terrible I am terrible fuck!!!!!!
I was going to make a post and go “hm, why is it that my mental illness has gotten so horrible the past few weeks?” bc I’ve been having a lot more hallucination-y stuff and being absolutely convinced that I was not real/people hate me,
I am going through a wave of like. really bad thoughts. and you’d think after dealing with this shit for basically my whole life, i’d be better at handling it, but I’m not. I’m not even sure what to ask for, even. I’m sorry.
things are getting even worse? they can’t get the pipes to stop freezing. my room isn’t set to be fixed until “sometime next week.” it’s very possible, considering the current cold weather, we will get more pipes breaking
I slept on it and to be frank, I never want to speak to my parents ever again.I really don’t see the point. I should definitely wait until I have a full time job before I do anything permanent, but… what’s really stopping me, other
I’ve been sitting around the past hour unable to pull myself out of the dream I woke up from and it’s just. bad. I’m checking phone conversations to try and figure out if I sent them or they happened in the dream.I also just kind
I’m probably having such a shit time because I’m nearing the date that I was going to attempt one year and it’s been officially a year since I was assaulted…but like. I’m going to be home alone during all this, so this is getting even worse.
I can’t stop flashbacking and I accidentally watched that Unfriended trailer bc it was on TV and basically I’m in a Very Bad Place right now
talks about sex and living life post-assault this is super internalized something sorry…god rping is a lot of fun but doing the nsfw stuff is making me reflect on how I’m functionally ace at this point and it’s entirely due to trauma. and
so it turns out they’re not renewing my contract and I’m out of a job.I am absolutely terrified and really suicidal right now so I don’t really know what to do.that’s all I guess.
I know it doesn’t mean much, but I’m trying to wrap my head around the fact that not only did I, the queer teacher, got fired today, but so did the math teacher, who’s the only person who isn’t a white person on our faculty. And just. I KNOW
i got a rejecting via email. it was a reply to an email I sent about three weeks ago.I’m just. getting tired. so tired. I’ve been on a ton of interviews and I keep getting close. I end up down to five people, fuck, down to two people, and I can’t
And I'm so fucking beautiful I can't stand it
spillywolf: Me: okay, we need to eat and take a shower My brain: acknowledged Me: …… so uh why aren’t we doing that My brain: I acknowledged it what more can I do
heartlessqueen:if you keep swallowing the anger back, it’s going to choke you
rosemochi:harrierdoobie:shoutout to everyone dealing with. thhe fucking difficultythe fact that all of my mutuals immediately reblogged this from me really says something about all of us, doesn’t it
danielcalmdown:It’s tru
sliceofbri: spoken-not-written: am i the only one who thinks people look hotter when they’re in underwear and not when they’re naked 1) its this whole “leaving it to the imagination” thing that we humans like2) genitals are fuckin weird lookin
Not As Sad As I Used To Be
it’s sad when u miss someone that hasnt even walked out of your life. you miss the person that they used to be. you’ve watched them change into this negative person that you dont even want to be around anymore. you recognize their face, smile &
queen-haiz: It opened. That’s a first.
It’s sad how old this picture is, and yet, we still have to do this.
It’s sad how little notes this has
Sad Day:
thoroughly enjoying peace’s in love rn like wow btw it’s getting released the same day as the strokes’ new album???!
it’s sad when you realize you aren’t as important to someone as you thought you were.
IT’S RAINING AND RIGHT NOW ALL I’M WORRIED ABOUT IS REN.
sad-ie: i hope this summer is gay as fuck. gonna get so fucking gay.
It's not fair having opportunities just pas me by,
