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montypythonandtheholyblog: today I learned that if you want to slash someone’s tires, don’t slash all four; only slash three because if you slash all four their insurance will pay for it but if you only slash three they have to pay for it all out
merry-i-am: salma: why can’t hurricane names be culturally diverse hurricane muhammad hurricane shaniqua hurricane nguyen because white people destroy everything.
est-offensa-et-mirari: deppsydoodle: deppsydoodle: why is peter pan always flying? he neverlands I love this joke because it never grows old
lunacalypso: “My relationship with Maggie Smith; well, she got me the job at Potter, practically. So for anyone who doesn’t know that story, I basically owe everything to Maggie Smith, because I worked with her on David Copperfield and then she
girls-and-food-are-life:lol-its-corona:havanaromance:If you ever jump into my arms when you see me because you’re that excited there is a 95% chance I will fall in love with youThere’s also a 95% chance I will fall in general tho so carefulmost accurate
sunalwaysshining:My friend took this pic making fun of how I smiled all the time during cable work but jokes on her because my delt looked cool
sushinfood: rcmclachlan: radiationdude: NO. NO. I AM TWENTY-SEVEN YEARS OLD AND I AM CRYING BECAUSE I CAN STILL HEAR THE EXACT WAY SHADOW SAYS “PETER” AS HE COMES OUT OF THE FUCKING WOODS DON’T LOOK AT MEEEE I’m 28 and yup. Exact feelings.
thepsychoticfuckingbiotic: batwynn: Do to a huge demand for it, the Soot Sprite umbrella is now available in my store. I didn’t offer it before because it’s an expensive item to make. But, if you would like one, Find it here HHHHHHHHHHHH
charlesoberonn: homestuck-trash-reblogs: charlesoberonn: Are you angry at Minions because of their saturation of the market, their aim at uninformed kids and the capitalistic commercialism agenda their widespread brand represents?Or are you just angry
pinksugarprince: So I got a pretty big tax refund, and most of it is going to be saved for my trip to anime expo, but I’m limiting myself to maybe like one or two treats. Nothing ridiculous because I gotta save, but I’m trying to figure out what
imdonegivingup: smittimjc: I refuse to blur this mans name, because this is beautiful THATS “OBESITY?”
camdamage: FUCKIN BIRTHDAY TIME WOOHOO i have to work but after that IT’S ON. now here are some birthday special links:my wishlist because why notuse the code ‘BIRTHDAY’ in my store to get 50% off your entire orderuse the code ‘birthday’
femgermania: tetratracker: emmasdisneyworld: i can’t stop reblogging this because it is the best wait a minute is that rapunzel in the second gif hoLD THE FUCK UP
apt-echo-freak-show: Goldschläger: because nothing says, ‘I’m cool’ like cinnamon scented and gold flecked vomit.
mymompickedthisurl: liaaxoo: I hate when I misplace my glasses because then I’m forced to walk around looking like I’m suspicious of everything in the room whattabout you, cabinet? huh, you sketchy piece of shit? did you take ‘em?
trillfxshion: English teachers be so deep for no reason. “She couldn’t leave him alone because he was her escape from reality” Or… dick was too bomb. Simplicity.
officialunitedstates: I went camping when I was 6 and a bear came into my tent and I had never heard anyone snore before but I had read the Sunday comics so I layed down and started saying Z Z Z really loudly because it’s always in caps in the comics.
youthagainstfascism: interviewer: Why r u such a hoe Me: Because it’s so much fun, Jan!
sydneysunbeam: in latin instead of saying “i love you” you don’t say anything because it’s a dead language. nothing. i think that’s beautiful. just shut the fuck up
sweet-bitsy: What if you went out on a date with a moth and he took you by the hand with one of his fuzzy little legs and he was like “I want to take you to the most beautiful place I know, because you deserve nothing less” and when you get there
giratina-fey: joshpeck: old ppl are the most dangerous because they have nothing to lose
rabioheab: earlier this year 2 boys got expelled from my school for going on a teachers email and sending another teacher an email that says “you’re a disgusting little man” and i laugh about it all the time because imagine opening an email from
grimelords: sex scenes in books are awful because I always flip between them and the author picture in the back and get to imagine this 60+yo guy telling me about whatever this girl’s nipples are doing it’s the absolute worst time
timelordonbakerstreet: notblurryface: villain who can’t be taken seriously because of his unintimidating evil laugh “Will anybody own up to this crime?”“It was me!” [NYEH NYEH!!]“Anybody?”
heauxactivities: kingomd: kumagawa: when the squad dont like your outfit looooool If yall hear about me dropping dead suddenly it’s because of these boys.
winchesterbourbon: mufasamonsta:tahthetrickster: i really like looking at google image searches for “firemen rescuing cats” or something because you get super cute pictures like AND THEN THERE’S THIS ONE “THAT’S RIGHT TWAS I that set the
nico-incognito: God: Why were you hiding? Eve: Because I’m naked. God: …how you know??? Eve:
i-wanna-be-stereotyped: I wish my friends would take random pictures of me when we hang out because I’m an arrogant prick and I want more pictures of myself that aren’t selfies.
fat-birds: nonbinarypeach: dear-tumb1r: becausebirds: When you’re trying to do homework but you can’t because birds Human: *attempts typing* Birbs: >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V
nostalgiaultra: You like putting pineapple on your pizza I hope you enjoy putting pineapples on your childrens graves because you’re WEAK your bloodline is WEAK and you will not survive the winter
omg it’s so freaking weird when people who have nothing in common with my blog (according to what I find on theirs) like shit from my tumblr I’m like how the fuck did you find me anyway? AND YOU DON’T EVEN GET THE JOKES THAT THESE
adolftherednosereindeer: its-because-im-irish-isnt-it: adolftherednosereindeer: you may be ready to rock, but are you ready to paper or scissors? Brb shoving 83846773 cookies up my ass. what
fyeahcracker: nugspugsandcoffeemugs: sageruto: the fucking worst is when people are like “you hate people for having a different opinion than you!!!!” like im not shitting on this guy because he thinks pistachio ice cream is gross im shitting on
tupacabra: when my mom was pregnant she would put a walkman up to her stomach and play cher’s greatest hits and she apologizes for it every day because she thinks that’s what made me gay
fefeta-sprites: princessharumi u mean the lioness princess 2 my heart ((i gave us tails of our fursons because we are nepeta enthusiasts ) WAHHHH
gunpuku-no-bosco:New theory: Koda can’t control his quirk, if he gives commands to an animal it will always activate. Humans are technically animals, and that’s why he avoids talking to people. Because he could accidentally brainwash them to carry
uovoc: Headcanon that the Classic Twins call each other “Stan” and “Stan” because after all, they know which twin they are.
airyairyquitecontrary:princesitx:maariamph:Giant hairy hippie Steven is best Steveni have to reblog this again because like how did the artist capture just the perfect amount of both greg and rose in steven like this is 100% how he’d look grown upand
sassysquibbles: The third and final piece (because I seriously need to stop making these) of the beautiful non - canon adventures of Tad Strange and his handsome husband Waddles. Nobody knows how the children came to be but they’re there now.
freedemonhugs: relatablepicturesofbabyjesus: godsgifttotheyaois: headcanon that peridots mission isnt real and she was sent by yellow diamond to earth because she was so annoying you mean like exactly like that
urelk: Okay, so I saw this screenshot with Stanford chasing the giant floating eyeballsfrom the preview for A Tale of Two Stans and it just caught my attention because what if those are the same eyeballs from the openingOnly they were shrunk with the
discount-supervillain: and Garnet’s Santa because of her thighs full of jelly! additionally
jiahpleasechill: priestmahad: I also can’t stand people who grew up with money because they always be throwing food out like bitch if you don’t wrap that shit up and eat it later I’m gonna chin check you “I don’t eat leftovers” WELL BITCH,
evilblogger: i want bernie sanders to become president because when they debrief him about the aliens i think he will tell all of us and thats what we truly need
cnc-pet:Who’s gonna fasten a dildo gag to me and then tie my hands behind my back when I try to take it out because I’m gagging and choking???
pieces-of-who-i-be: International Transgender Day of Visibility, we all start somewhere. The left picture is five years ago and was the day I told my mom she could dress me for senior pictures because they meant more to her than they did to me. It was
kingtomcat: gapingfurnace: NO a perfect jake because it turned out nerdy, yesss
nostopdasgay: qthewetsprocket: blakesreckoning: tumblr is going to be hilarious on the night the world supposedly ends #do we get killed off in our time zones or all together because i want a heads up from japan It’s so rude when the apocalypse
hazecat: My Halloween pumpkin this year Because nothing says Halloween like a dude kissing a head with dramatic lighting in the background
turntechgodquest: royalcondesce: if you’re a homestuck who doesn’t eat betty crocker anymore i’m going to assume something is wrong with you because betty crocker is fucking delicious and homestuck is not real i see your urlyou cant fool me batterwitch
swexan: libraryshalalala: 50shadesofbellamy: I’d just like to point out that 50 Shades of Grey was Twilight fanfic and Twilight was inspired by Muse so when you think about it, it’s kinda because of Muse that 50 Shades was written in the first
brolarus: brolarus: mom? dad? *lowers voice* i’m batman I WAS LAUGHING TO MYSELF ABOUT THIS POST UNTIL I REALISED IF YOU WERE BATMAN YOU WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO TELL YOUR PARENTS THAT YOU WERE BECAUSE THEY’RE DEAD
tamiiland: candobetterthanthat: iamtheisabella: I HAVE BEEN WAITING SO LONG FOR THIS. ALL THE ROAD TRIPS I WAS WAITING Savour the moment. They’re never ever ever getting back together. Reblogging because this ^
adimals: wolfchurros: jesuschristvevo: what if people who havent seen bee movie get curious because of all the posts about it on tumblr and watch it and then the sales for bee movie go up out of nowhere and they get enough money to make bee movie 2
superwholocks-bitch: so my nan was spouting some crap about how gay people aren’t really people because of what it says in the bible so I said “you think the only people who are people, are the people who look and think like you but if you walked
ipoog: ipoog: ipoog: while we were on the bus today a friend came up with the plan to get a group of people and text this one kid who was in class because HE ALWAYS HAS THE SOUND ON and we all just started to send mad shit to him so i wonder how his
supermassiveasshole: i was teaching my grandma to use computer so we can talk on skype and such but today she went kinda mad at me because “i didnt show her the knitting programme” and i was like what and it comes out she accidentally opened ms excel
intergaylactic: freakbast: so today, my friend Tyler went to Publix. he noticed that there was a promotional sale for Sun Drop, because like no one here buys it, and they were selling them for like almost 6 cents a bottle. so naturally, Tyler bought
stillwatersofconsciousness: radish is a really accurate name for a vegetable because they’re pretty cool but they’re not that cool
theblueboxiscoming: im laughing so hard because no matter what song you listen to spiderman dances to the beat no matter what song ive been testing it and lauing my ass off for an hour
![timelordonbakerstreet: notblurryface: villain who can’t be taken seriously because of his unintimidating evil laugh “Will anybody own up to this crime?”“It was me!” [NYEH NYEH!!]“Anybody?”](https://64.media.tumblr.com/18f6b4b3ea8555f7d95f966b950862ec/bdd5bbf0c4586629-91/s512x512u_c1/2a0e923bda23188ba33aa94a9e5f2f0ea5f6af14.jpg)
