tw personal
NSFW Tumblr
find tw personal on porn pin board
tw personal clips
.
goodbye
The thought of ~going away for my mental health has seemed really inviting recently. I am a still a threat to myself and I really think I should. But trying to get support for it is kind of impossible, at least the kind of support from my family.
I guess “I have wanted to die for the past month and a half” is not an adequate excuse to get out of finals, is it?
I feel like I’m hitting a pretty bad level of suicidal thoughts. Like, probably should go to a hospital or something levels. But my parents have denied any time I’ve ever suggested that I hurt myself/I am not mentally well, so why would
I want to get an Xacto knife to cut out my call bracelet and Kyoko’s spear, but I don’t trust myself. I feel like I’m going to try and hurt myself with them at some point and that’s not good. I’ve been trying to avoid
I know it’s selfish, and a few months from now, but I’m scared about spring break. My roommate is going to Ireland and my SO is going skiing with his family and just… I guess I’ll have to be home. I still feel awful. Not
I am not going to be able to survive this semester. I was walking to the bus stop today and I just knew it. I should have taken the semester off (well, two semesters off, because I would be officially SOL with my program if I did that) and just…
But seriously, what have I really done that’s of value in any way? I really don’t see the point in wasting resources and waking up feeling like I shouldn’t be here anymore. So not being around will be like cutting loses or something.
I keep reading some of the comments people said in response to my post earlier today and I don’t know what to say. Like… I know I have interacted with people and have had some sort of influence, good and bad. But I can’t handle it
I tried to list my Hobbit ships today and it was so embarrassing I didn’t have the heart to put it up. It’s one of the few fandoms that I really just have no qualms shipping pretty much everyone with each other. The only line I really draw
I just made Diana and Graham fish the Fili and Kili pieces from my Lego set so I can wrap them up for Blythe. When I was trying to get them from Diana she put them in a compromising position. What have I done to her?
Therapy status report I’m really having difficulty seeing the point of therapy, at least the direction my therapy has taken. I feel as though it’s ending up in the same trap it did last time, with the therapist constantly wanting to talk
I actually made plans to kill myself on this day a few months ago. I’m not going through it. But I can’t guarantee that I won’t ever at this point, because I have another busted mirror on my car, a flat tire, nobody who cares to respect
I bought Hello Kitty bath towels, the Hobbit, and peanut butter m&ms today because I didn’t kill myself. I’m still really fucking lonely and really fucking depressed, but I guess it’s something.
Not sure if I want to hurt myself because I want to punish myself or because I like it. Why can’t I have a healthy relationship with pain fuckkkkkk.
Okay I definitely want to hurt myself, because I want to punish myself for like one of a zillion things I have done that fucking sucks. And I’m home alone. Hoorayyyyy.
I still want to hurt myselffffffff noooooo rolls around the floor and sobs why is relapse so horribleeeeeee?????
Suicide ideation. That’s it. That’s all I got. In my head right now. It’s great. And I don’t have any support system to do anything about it :D
I’m trying to list reasons to live and they’re really low. I understand that people will be upset if I was gone. But that’d be temporary. Life goes on and all that. Sure, it’s not the best of terms to die, but it’s
hahahaha I’m a piece of shit time to plan things because fuck this I’m so fucking done there is no reason to be alive none whatsoever goodnight
It’s like… I’m seeing people that want to talk to and everything but I don’t even know what to say. My SO has left me to fend for myself for a week, some of my closest friends still misgender me, I relapsed into SIing recently,
Let’s just have a general rule around here that if you connect people’s pronouns with their bodies, not their ~minds, you shouldn’t read my fic. It doesn’t matter if the fic itself handles trans* characters or not. You’re
Sometimes I think maybe I’m being too hard on my parents. Then I remember they didn’t tell me my grandmother was dying until a few days before she died. Then I realize I’m probably not being hard enough on them.
I found out a bunch of kind of important items of mine got tossed in the trash today. I’m trying to tell myself that it’s an honest mistake. But… it kind of was the confirmation I needed to know that this whole living thing isn’t
I’m going to buy a banjo and write a folk punk ep about Fili and Kili. The first song is going to be dedicated to my body pillow and its going to be entitled “its not incest if they’re on other sides of the bed” Then there will
Today I made it until this point in time until I wanted to die yay. I… get no awards, because I’m a piece of shit and nobody cares.
I have used the phrase “Fili is Kili’s forever girl” multiple times this weekend and I don’t know who I am anymore.
racistpartyking: if i can get to lowering my voice enough that its not all high and squeaky Donnie should get that podfic by either today or tomorrow i uh, still havent picked a fic, I’m thinking maybe the fili/kili one or Running But pretty
I went out to Rutgers Day today. But the entire time all I could think about was how I was an inconvenience to everyone and holding them down and I’m so tired of coming in contact with people, I’m back in bed again. I really, truly wish
I apparently missed a shift at work. When I called my boss, she basically said “Oh yeah, we didn’t have any problems so I figured I wouldn’t call you.” And just… wow. Way to actually make me feel useless. It’s
I know good things are going to happen in the fall but what’s the point in thinking about that if I don’t even think I’m going to make it through the weekend?
I hate everything I want to die I don’t know why I bother talking to people who don’t give me a fucking chance or respect me nobody actually cares I’m better off dead and once I’m able to be alone long enough I’ll take care
Wow I’m really not okay and I can’t text anybody because MY PHONE IS OFFICIALLY FRIED HAH.
I’ve lost my summer, fuck, most of my life to mental illness. I can’t beat it. I want to give up so badly.
alsooooo apparently we have a subletter but not until the spring iiiiiiiiii can’t afford the two months of rent I’ll need to pay for until then fuck this i’m killing myself I really can’t do this.
tw-evan: bpdnakedsnake: i dont understand how people can still believe that mario is a cold or mean person when in fact nintendo has officially described mario as the following mario is the perfect lgbt ally
I haven’t hit myself in a while. I almost did today but I didn’t
So tonight I was eating pizza for dinner and I got the wings as well on the side and I had the honey garlic dipping sauce. Sitting in front of my mom eating and she commented and said “oh you eat it like that” with like a super disgusted look on her
beyoncescock: finish strong for sure Of very often it is me feeling disgusting and guilty for eating so much
Can’t sleep, brain is eating me … I wish I could always believe all the things I tell myself and others but I’m not strong enough, I guess. I’m honestly not sure how much longer I can endure all of this - the pain, and not just the physical
My adventure
Happy birthday to me
I had to say goodbye to my best friend today and I’m just so fucking heartbroken. We were meant to be together as best friends and I don’t know how to do this without him. I’m just destroyed inside 💔
I forgot to mention what the doctor said when I explained that this is my second pregnancy. I lost my first pregnancy and conceived immediately a week later, which the doctor noticed right away and had some fucking nerve to say “Wow you didn’t
There was an active shooter/standoff situation literally right behind my house last night and to say I’m anxious about it is an understatement 🙃 just me and the baby and my sister in this house and it was up to me to protect us if something had
Went to the gym again after having a bad day and it helped. I don’t feel like crying anymore today. I am so determined to make this a good habit and a better coping mechanism than self harm.
I just lost my pregnancy. I had 4 days between finding out I was pregnant and losing it. This pregnancy threw a wrench in my whole life and all my plans but I was excited anyways and it was all for nothing. What’s even the point of the suffering
im in hell right now. i want to break my neck and my toes and scratch my wrists.i won’t, i promise, but this homework is infuriating, i am pissed at myself for putting everything off until tonight, as usual, and today just has not been a good day.
HahaokaybutikewhatifIjustkindaoffedmyselfinstead
Okay but honestly I could totally just kill myself instead that would probably be easier
HAHAHAHA
Damn I’ve beena t least somewhat passively suicidal for the past 6 hours or so
Ah, how good it feels to be so distracted from my own thoughts that there’s not enough room for suicidal contemplation. Finally, I don’t feel such an intense need to hang myself
My brain is just still caught up on the idea of me killing myself smh
Oh no
Oh god I’m so fucking sad
I remember when my friend was like oh! Let’s watch girl with the dragon tattoo and didn’t warn me about the rape scene and also went and took a shower right before it happened. That was the first time I ever felt triggered by what he did
Do you think if I committed suicide, anyone would notice? I mean, obviously people would notice that I’m gone, but for how long? On a daily basis, my existence or presence is usually overlooked or forgotten. I’m usually last to be mentioned, and I’m
hi !- I shaved my head and the feeling’s incredible- I am backpacking in my own country and it feels like freedom and adventure- tomorrow I get to see my favorite band live - I might get an interview for my dream job and !!!
