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“If I can convince a sniper to reconsider shooting John, I’m sure I can convince you to reconsider not dating me.”

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That turn me on … ( smoking

You immediately noticed that your wife liked your boss. The worst was that, as soon as you two had a seat, she said, “I’m very glad that you have persuaded my husband to let you date me and have sex with me.”

Perks to dating me in the same house

empressmarina: someone: [flirts with me] me: they are probably just being nice, they probably do this with everyone someone: [asks me on a date] me: it’s not a date, it’s just a friend get together thing, probably. someone: [confesses their love

fallohmeintothedark: if u wanna date me I hope u like excessive swearing and long talks about feminism

dateagirlwhosuggestion: date a girl who will send you memes when you’re sad

flamingegg: pros to dating me: i’ll actually respond to ur text u can literally kiss me whenever u want (esp random neck kisses like yes please) we can hold hands butt touches cuddles? ? ? yes good i’ll play with your hair u don’t have to worry

The perks of dating me

dateaboysuggestions: Date a boy who will eat a whole pizza pie in front of you

conclusivelyelusive: powerrprincess: i go through periods of “i’m so fucking cool and awesome and hot. I would date me” followed by “i’m so fucking ugly why do people talk to me i’m such a loser” followed by “LIFE IS AWESOME

yourviolentlackofvirtue: date me so i can look better than you do in your shirts

emiello:Pros of dating mei’m rly soft and squishyi’ll make you hot beverages in bed i’m good at compliments you’ll gain lots of dorky pet names Cons of dating me ummm?? zero i am a goddess

trustinhumanity: H-hey would you like to *cleans throat* go on a date with me and *adjusts collar* discuss snk theories? *intense sweating*

I don’t get why anons hit on me and want to date me but won’t talk to me off anon? I can’t date someone I don’t know?

You can date me if you like graves.

legallyblained: there are some people on here who like you know um every time they make a text post i want to reply with ‘i love you i love you so much will you date me or be my roommate i just want to hang out with you constantly because you are an

new personal rule: in order to date me applicants must be at least 6'3ft or 191cm. or have the ability to fly.

You should date me

Date was boring, no chemistry. Sexual or otherwise. My one-date curse reigns supreme. But look at how beautiful I am

empressmarina: someone: [flirts with me] me: they are probably just being nice, they probably do this with everyone someone: [asks me on a date] me: it’s not a date, it’s just a friend get together thing, probably. someone: [confesses their love

Drop a "If I were dating you..." In my ask.

dateagirlwhosuggestion: date a girl who makes finger guns at u

underhuntressmoon: pvrisbrian: if ur gonna date me u gotta be comfortable with a lot of casual silence bc i just never fucking talk I swing wildly between never shutting the hell up and turning into a stump

With my nigga @pr1ncessq #bestfriend #date #carhartt #stussy #city #swag #yolo #hashswag #lololol

vagi2k14sodium: let me tell you if you are dating me its gonna be an experience

lukeriver: all i do is sleep and i’m emotionally unstable who wants to date me

dangergays: date a girl with bad vision. date a girl who can’t get up in the morning for shit. date a girl who wastes her life on the internet. date me

everyone date me ok ready set GO

Date a girl who says things like:

Sometimes I wish a woman or nb would ever consider date me. Please don’t die before I do

Someone date me so I don’t feel like such a lemon 🍋

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