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foervraengd: clientsfromhell: Rules for Freelancers The last one is very important. ASKING FOR ATTENTION IS NOT A BAD THING. Somethings that need to be done, as I do want to make a living off my art; just wondering, how do I promote my stuff better?
octopusheart: dendropsyche: sharped0: clientsfromhell: Client: I threw out that black pen, it was out of ink. Me: What black pen? Client: The one that was lying on your tablet. Me: You threw out my 贶 Wacom pen? Client: I tried writing with it and
weiss-privilege: fr0stedlips: polar-bite: clientsfromhell: Client: Do you do lemonade? Me: Do we do… lemonade? Client: Yes, I was told you do that here. Me: I’m sorry, this is a graphics and print shop. Client: I know that. I’m not an idiot.
mer-squared: clientsfromhell: Me: “How can I help you today, ma'am?”Client: “Is e-mail internet”?Me: “I beg your pardon?”Client: “Is e-mail on the internet? I have no internet, can I still read my e-mail?”Me: “Well yes, you must be
fr0stedlips: polar-bite: clientsfromhell: Client: Do you do lemonade? Me: Do we do… lemonade? Client: Yes, I was told you do that here. Me: I’m sorry, this is a graphics and print shop. Client: I know that. I’m not an idiot. Me: I’m sorry,
clientsfromhell: My client, a scientist, needed a poster of her new web application to be presented at a conference. She returned from vacation 4 days before the conference and I went on vacation 3 days before, so I made sure to get her final approval
clientsfromhell: A client recorded a long training session on a subject I’m completely unfamiliar with. He didn’t want to waste the footage and wants it turned into a course for that reason.Me: Do you have a course description or goals? Why are
clientsfromhell: I was working on a project that had previously failed to make a windows shell extension. The client blamed the previous developer for everything in the last phase, and I was in the process of trying to familiarize myself with the project
clientsfromhell: Client: That project went pretty well. The investors are happy with the results. Me: Great! Glad to hear it. Client: How old are you again? You live in [city] right? My son is about your age, you should go on a date with him. Me:
clientsfromhell: I worked for a programmer, designing the websites he was working on. I finished a website design and he complained: Client: The color is too dull. Change it.I did. He didn’t like it. I changed it again. Repeat. When he was finally
clientsfromhell: A client insisted that their brand name have all lower case letters except for the first letter of the second word. So it looked like this: “silly Client.”Client: Make sure it looks like that in all instances .Me: Even when the name
clientsfromhell: Client: Why does the second line of this sentence contain only one word? It looks odd. Is there anything we can do to fix it?Me: Erm, try changing the width of your web browser window.Client: Oh yes, that fixed it! Thanks!
clientsfromhell: I work as a copywriter for a company that specializes in ecommerce. We help our clients manage their presence on sites like Amazon, Walmart.com, and so on. On Monday, I get a frantic email from a client, talking about how they screwed
clientsfromhell: Client: I need to make next week’s meeting for mid-morning, preferably close to 10.Me: Ok, I can do that. I have that time frame available available on Monday and Tuesday. I have a prior commitment each week on Thursdays, so that day
clientsfromhell: I work for a fire extinguisher company as their IT guy. It’s a family run business so everyone is old and technology illiterate. This client from hell asked me to figure out why his computer was so slow. I check out his laptop –
clientsfromhell: From a job board:Client: I want an ad that will make YellowPages users skip everyone elses and go straight to mine.I placed a bid, with the following text:Me: I want you to skip all the other designers and go right to working with me.He
clientsfromhell: I was working with a chiropractor, making a self help video video series for his Youtube channel. Each episode shared tips, stretches, and other pieces of advice. It was going well until we recorded his episode about decreasing sodium
clientsfromhell: I was copyediting the website for a TV magazine’s annual awards vote. I asked the people in charge of the site to copy and paste the copy straight from the online voting form and put it into a Word document so it could be edited and
clientsfromhell: I am a freelance marketer working from home with 50% of my clients being local businesses. After one client received a one star review, they contacted me:Client: Can we block people before they leave a bad review? Bonus: this particular
clientsfromhell: This conversation was taking place over Skype with the project manager for a small company who had contracted me to build their website.Client: We are very unhappy with your progress so far. Practically nothing has been done since the
clientsfromhell: An in-house client emailed me a small poster she wanted printed on my color laser printer. It was an awful mess, laid out in Word and it barely made any sense.Because I was the in-house designer/editor and realized people would assume
clientsfromhell: I’m being considered for a month long freelance job to design icons for a big company. As part of the on-boarding process they needed to do a background check. I filled out the background check forms and submitted all the info requested
clientsfromhell: Client: Have you done a wedding video before?Me: Yes! I am working on one right know, as a matter of fact.Client: YOU’RE AT A WEDDING RIGHT NOW?Me: (awkwardly laughing) No, no, I am editing one right now.Client: Oh,
clientsfromhell: I had been working with this client for a number of months, setting up a back-end stock management system for their new e-commerce site. I requested a stock report listing all their stock codes, descriptions and quantities. The report
clientsfromhell: I was hired to do a logo for a home improvement company with the words “overall improvement” included in the name. The client wanted a pair of overalls or coveralls as part of the logo. I illustrated a cute pair of blue jean overalls
clientsfromhell: I run a small cyber security firm. I was doing some work for a client who asked me to do some compliance work. After waiting about a week and a half for my contact within the organization to email me some important documents so I could
clientsfromhell: I’m a character modeler. I responded to an ad to make models for an animated series based on a series of children’s books. Turns out, the client was the author of these books. He sent me some art samples and they were fairly simple
clientsfromhell: Me: Here are two PDF proofs, please let me know which one you prefer.Client: I like the one on the right!Me: Can you please just tell me the file name?Honestly, I could have probably guessed which one was “on the right,” but for
clientsfromhell: Client: Make sure I’m able to access all my site’s users passwords. Me: That’s not ethical, or a good idea. Also, the passwords are hashed and stored in a database somewhere, so we really can’t see them. Client:
clientsfromhell: Client: We are now turning over Ů million a year, and would like to go the next level. We’d like to rebrand so we can appeal to the corporates. Client comes in for a brand workshop. Hours are spent defining the brand, its values, its
clientsfromhell: I just wrapped up a new website for a client. They loved it then told me they wanted a brochure. Client: Can we use the website as a brochure? Me: Yes, I can use the same content, colors and images to design a brochure that reflects
clientsfromhell: Client: Thanks! The footage of the conference looks great.Me: Thanks. I’ll get this uploaded to our site today.Client: There’s just one thing. At about 20 minutes in, a man stands up in front of the camera and then leaves the
clientsfromhell: Client: There are too many right angles. It looks boxy.Me: Shouldn’t have gone with SQUAREspace, then.Client: What?Me: Nothing.
clientsfromhell: I work at an independent Apple retailer. A man came in one morning and bought a new MacBook. That afternoon, I answered the phone at the store and it was his wife. Client: I’m helping my husband set up his new computer as I tend
clientsfromhell: I was asked for a quote for a website with a very detailed set of requirements. The following exchange took place by email over a period of two days.Me: Thank you for your enquiry. Here are my rates, and it would take roughly this long
clientsfromhell: The summer after I graduated college (with a degree in graphic design) and while I was looking for a full time job, I worked with a local author one summer helping insert images into her novel and making graphics for each chapter. She’d
clientsfromhell: Client: Why is this taking so long? It should only take two hours!Me: You’re asking me to design a document with 50 A4 pages, with 20 tables and graphs throughout.Client: That’s right.Me: So you think it takes 2.4 minutes to design
clientsfromhell: I was building a game for a client. He had no experience with game development, but wanted to give feedback while I was showing some character art assets. The sprite in question was a smiling girl.Client: That girl is supposed to be
clientsfromhell: Client: Please use a font that is more thinner. Our font is not that thick. Also remove the unnecessary circle at the end of the sentence. Me: You mean… the period? Client: I don’t care what you designers call it, it is unsightly.
clientsfromhell: I was recording a client’s vocals for a song she had written. I thought it sounded great, but she didn’t agree.Client: I want to redo it.Me: Okay, what’s wrong with it? What would you like to change?Client: I don’t know. I guess
clientsfromhell: I am a translator who specializes in translating from from English to Croatian and Slovenian. One day I received this message:Client: Hello, I am in a rush to have my website translated to both Slovenian and Croatian. The site has about
clientsfromhell: Had a customer ask for the impossible. When I didn’t give him an answer he liked: Client: So, basically you’re telling me to go f*** myself? Me: Not in those words, sir.
clientsfromhell: A friend of mine’s father knows that I do some web design. The following conversation occurred when I was over at her house. Father: I have a business idea. How hard is it to make a Facebook? Me: Oh, very easy. Daughter: He doesn’t
clientsfromhell: Me: “What browser are you on?” Client: “Google.” Me: “Google Chrome?” Client: “No, just regular Google.” Me: “That’s the site. I want to know the browser.” Client: “Google.” Me: “No.” Client: “Look, we
clientsfromhell: Client: Remove this floating comma. Me: That’s an apostrophe.
clientsfromhell: pls change the scorpion into a butterfly, ‘cause it’s too scary
clientsfromhell: Me: “How can I help you today, ma'am?”Client: “Is e-mail internet”?Me: “I beg your pardon?”Client: “Is e-mail on the internet? I have no internet, can I still read my e-mail?”Me: “Well yes, you must be able to get online
clientsfromhell: Client: It doesn’t look like you did what I requested. Wow I can’t believe you f***ed me over! What the hell was I paying for? Client: Sorry, I forgot to refresh the page. Thanks!
clientsfromhell: Client: Do you do lemonade? Me: Do we do… lemonade? Client: Yes, I was told you do that here. Me: I’m sorry, this is a graphics and print shop. Client: I know that. I’m not an idiot. Me: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to -
clientsfromhell: Client: I have a big cash job to price but they need a visual to give an idea of the finished jobMe: Ok, no problem, since your finances are tight I will do it for a nominal fee of £20 (ั) and you’ll pay me if you get the job.3
clientsfromhell: A client asked me to book some hotel rooms. Me: Do you want a room with one bed or two beds? Client: What’s the difference?
clientsfromhell: Client: “I just enrolled for online banking, and now I want to withdraw money.”Me: “Sure, you can withdraw money from one account and transfer it to another account.”Client: “No, I want to withdraw money from my account…
clientsfromhell: A client uses two different domains. Both go to the same site and they have had them both for years. They decide they are no longer going to market the second one and decide to let it expire against my advice.Two days after it expires,
clientsfromhell: via Explosm (Cyanide and Happiness)
