being sad
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being sad is a waste of time
Man…What the fuck did I do in a past life to deserve being so fat and uglyDid I kill someone? what gives??Even if I lost weight Im still fucking ugly.How can people on this site take pictures of themselves and say “oh Im ugly“?I get a mood
alien-empress: bapt-ism: fleur-morte: jarrodis: Saturday died in my arms last night. yesterday i had a feeling it would be that day. i just had a feeling. i have never watched something die before. he wouldn’t eat or drink and just wanted to snuggle,
I’m seeing Star Trek tonight. I’m trying to be more excited about it, but it’s difficult. There’s so many issues taking place and I want to talk about it critically, but nobody wants to with me. I also never got out of the funk
A whole bunch of T&B people have been unfollowing me recently. I don’t think I can be too surprised? I mean, I like anime, but I don’t blog it as much as others. But I try to tag everything and make it so that people don’t have
drags self across the floor. oh my god i feel like shit emotionally and physically and now I’m irrationally upset over Canadian teenage dramas. and I’m alone so this is just great I just want to be happy for one fucking second and like. not
I need a friend who is willing to be close to me as in check up on me or ask me how I’m doing sometimes that is maybe willing to have me liveblog shitty reality tv shows to them via text and able to visit my house once in awhile where I’ll
I’m on the verge of bowing out of my grad school program I am this fucked up and I’m supposed to be teaching 100+ ninth graders? you’re kidding right? I’m such a fucking liability and nobody should have to ever hear me speak about
I get it, I’m unstable and I’m not really a person. I’m going to just quit student teaching and probably kill myself. there. that’ll make everyone be able to move on with their lives.
I think I’m ready for this three month long cry for help to be over. I cried. No one answered. I think it’s time to leave, because no matter how many times I scream and cry that I need someone, that I’m running out of time, I don’t
I could be spending my night calling out racist assholes with no taste that refuse to ship rhodey/tony but no. I’m looking at house listings and trying not to kill myself.
Yeah I think its time to go. Theres no point. No one wants to be friends with me let alone support me. I’m ready for this to end.
oh yes yes totally want to be alive when the housemate that kicked me out is saying WE WON’T APPROVE OF ANY NEW SUBLETTERS UNTIL WE INTERVIEW THEM OK I just… I give up. no one with the power to make my life better is ACTUALLY GOING TO
I finally fell asleep and oh wow I woke up and everything is still fucking awful. I have a teaching certification test tomorrow. I have a cover letter I should be getting edited. And here I am, pretty much wanting to die, because I let another person
why am I watching Silver Linings Playbook? Why do I want to make myself feel terrible about the portrayal of mental illness in film? Also, the main character being a teacher who was trying to manage an undiagnosed mental illness is way too real for
I’m a week into the semester and I already had to pull the “I have an undiagnosed mental illness and it makes being a student really hard!!!!!!” card. I’m a fucking disaster please kill me.
my professor accepted my fumbling apology, so there is that. he says that I’m a great contributor and will continue to be, regardless of things like this. so that’s comforting.
I can’t tell if it’s worth contacting a few people and just be like “hey are we still friends? if we’re not can I please defriend you from everything and move on?” but last time I did anything like that I was “giving
is there going to be a time that I don’t feel absolutely destroyed by what’s happened the past few months? i just want this to end.
life is great there’s flyers all over campus for an event featuring pictures of the housemate that drove me out of my old apartment. I feel so wonderful about being alive you don’t even know………….
how do you deal with being haunted constantly like this? i don’t feel safe wandering around on campus unless i’m with someone. and now i turn my head and everywhere i look her image is just every fucking where. i don’t know hat to do
going to see kyary in concert tomorrow and I should be excited, but I’m too busy having anxiety about seeing my ex housemate yayyyyyy
I’m not even triggered over this btw. If that makes anyone feel better. I’m just… very upset. It reminds me about how unsafe I can be if I talk about my experiences with SI with the wrong people. And I know Morgan wouldn’t
hums softly and tries to think of gentle headcanons because fuck fuck fuck I can’t do this I can’t be a person I’m trying to do schoolwork and I’m freaking out and I just want to sleep forever, because why bother
took awhile but I can finally initiate touching, which is cool. I’m still not totally comfy being close to people that aren’t my SO at the moment, because when people touch me I get this weird burning sensation where they touch me. It’s
ahhh this is so fucking ridiculous I went through so much fucking shit and I am graduating and it’s going to be like a 3.8 or some shit this is great but no my brain is not able to look past this
Sees own gender identity being mocked in someone’s mish mosh of ~tumblr sj bullshit identities~ Mmmm… I wonder… if they knew… I identified as such?????
I feel so terrible about how cagey and guarded I’ve become. I should be texting people, arranging to meet with people, hell, actually logging on to Skype. Something. But. the thought of opening up to people is very daunting for me at this
I just had this wave of “I want to be a little bit normal goddammit!!!!!!!” today and oof I haven’t felt like that since high school.
the weather’s getting colder and all I can think about is how this time, last year, I had two pairs of hands. two bodies. two directions of kind words being able to hold me in place. I miss the sensations, but I will not miss you. I will still
this is also probably working in tandem with the fact that I just slumped really fucking bad right now and I don’t even know how to cope hah hah so of course I’m going to just. be terrible and a mess. but also have it attack the parts
I think what really sucked about this year for me, aside from the horrible current events, is that I did so much I should be proud of. I completed my master’s, survived going on interviews, and I got a teaching job. But no! This is the year
I actually have a meeting tomorrow morning with a parent, which I was discouraged enough over, because it is supposed to be done in 15 minutes and four teachers are supposed to speak during it. but now I’m like. not even interested in existing
I’m at a point where I want to want to be alive? I have kids to look after, a partner to watch come into their own, a birthday to celebrate, fics to finish, cons to go to stuff to do. But it never feels worth it enough and I feel so terrible
lmao why am I trying to go out tonight I really just want to curl up and cry or be self destructive, because I can’t produce anger right now. I’m not angry. I don’t really feel anything and that’s usually the sign that I’m
I know this shouldn’t be an indicator of how ~depressed I am right now, but I tried to take a shower and like ~cleanse myself or whatever and I was so upset I just kind of stood in there with a chunk of my hair still covered in shampoo for a few
I’m at this point where I kind of want to write something ~inspired by my recent events, but to be honest? this is hell. this is absolutely horrible. I don’t even want to put a fictional character through what I’m going through
I was going to make a post and go “hm, why is it that my mental illness has gotten so horrible the past few weeks?” bc I’ve been having a lot more hallucination-y stuff and being absolutely convinced that I was not real/people hate me,
that cm episode is still fucking me up ah hah I get that it’s totally normal and okay to be triggered and yet I still feel bad
watching hq keeps being hard sometimes and I don’t even know why. I get scared of liking the same ship or character as my ex, which is ridiculous. but at the same time it’s too close for me. on the bright side, it sounds like they didn’t
I feel so shitty over this bullshit what the fuck I just want to be normal for one fucking second
I am going through a wave of like. really bad thoughts. and you’d think after dealing with this shit for basically my whole life, i’d be better at handling it, but I’m not. I’m not even sure what to ask for, even. I’m sorry.
things are getting even worse? they can’t get the pipes to stop freezing. my room isn’t set to be fixed until “sometime next week.” it’s very possible, considering the current cold weather, we will get more pipes breaking
I slept on it and to be frank, I never want to speak to my parents ever again.I really don’t see the point. I should definitely wait until I have a full time job before I do anything permanent, but… what’s really stopping me, other
I had a day off from feeling intensely suicidal and then I woke up and was just like wow fuck being alive amirite!!!!please kill me I can’t do this anymore lmao!
I’m probably having such a shit time because I’m nearing the date that I was going to attempt one year and it’s been officially a year since I was assaulted…but like. I’m going to be home alone during all this, so this is getting even worse.
lmao I’m finally home alone and I just feel all used up. I just feel like there is nothing good about me anymore. it’s been destroyed by my assault but let’s be real, after the sexual abuse it probably wasn’t there in the ifrst place.I’m pretty
uuugh tmi nsfw post about gender dysphoria………….last night gwyn was like “oh yeah remember when I used to be able to touch your breasts and nearly get you off?” last night, adding “you know… before you really used
all my birthday reiterated to me is how unimportant I am and how so many people who used to be my friends don’t give a shit and I just. feel like I don’t belong in the world and I’m better off dead ah hah.
