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“I’m sorry you don’t like Harold on my face… Perhaps you’d prefer him in between your thighs?”

“I’m sorry you don’t like Harold on my face… Perhaps you’d prefer him in between your thighs?”

“Without you, my world is as dark as Laura’s attire.”

“Without you, my world is as dark as Laura’s attire.”

“You don’t need to manipulate security cameras to convince me to get into your car.”

“You don’t need to manipulate security cameras to convince me to get into your car.”

“I want you in my life more permanently than a Black Lotus tattoo.”

“I want you in my life more permanently than a Black Lotus tattoo.”

“I know you like to hold your umbrella all the time, but I wish you would hold my hand instead.”

“I know you like to hold your umbrella all the time, but I wish you would hold my hand instead.”

“Why have Lestrade when you can have More-trade?”

“Why have Lestrade when you can have More-trade?”

“You’re the fence to my John… I can’t get over you.”

“You’re the fence to my John… I can’t get over you.”

“Just call me a Baskerville Hound, because I can’t keep my paws off of you.”

“Just call me a Baskerville Hound, because I can’t keep my paws off of you.”

“Your wit is sharper than Irene Adler’s heels.”

“Your wit is sharper than Irene Adler’s heels.”

“Broadly speaking, I’d like to have a ‘function’ in your ‘narrative.’“

“Broadly speaking, I’d like to have a ‘function’ in your ‘narrative.’“

“I’m not a plot device… The only function I want in your narrative is love interest.”

“I’m not a plot device… The only function I want in your narrative is love interest.”

“You make me want to scrub your floors and wear men’s deodorant.”Submitted by nzeuropean.

“You make me want to scrub your floors and wear men’s deodorant.”Submitted by nzeuropean.

“Unlike my work for the British government, I occupy a major position in the bedroom.”Submitted by nzeuropean.

“Unlike my work for the British government, I occupy a major position in the bedroom.”Submitted by nzeuropean.

“If you needed a shoulder to cry on, I would volunteer on no less than three separate occasions.”

“If you needed a shoulder to cry on, I would volunteer on no less than three separate occasions.”

“I may be king in this world of locked rooms, but I still haven’t unlocked your heart.”Submitted by anonymous.

“I may be king in this world of locked rooms, but I still haven’t unlocked your heart.”Submitted by anonymous.

“I am the closest thing to a friend you are capable of having: A lover.”

“I am the closest thing to a friend you are capable of having: A lover.”

“I want to experiment with you… and I don’t mean in the Baskerville kind of way.”

“I want to experiment with you… and I don’t mean in the Baskerville kind of way.”

“The man with the key is king. How’d you like to be my queen?”

“The man with the key is king. How’d you like to be my queen?”

“My suit may be Westwood, but I can give you wood in any direction you like.”

“My suit may be Westwood, but I can give you wood in any direction you like.”

“I don’t just want the D… I want the D.I.”

“I don’t just want the D… I want the D.I.”

“Is your name Lestrade? Because your hair may be silver, but your heart is pure gold.”

“Is your name Lestrade? Because your hair may be silver, but your heart is pure gold.”

“I’m gonna need something bigger than Appledore to store all the reasons why I love you.”

“I’m gonna need something bigger than Appledore to store all the reasons why I love you.”

“I want to go steady with you– steadier than John’s left hand under stress.”

“I want to go steady with you– steadier than John’s left hand under stress.”

“So, I hear you’re abnormally attracted to dangerous situations and people. I can conform to that pattern if you’d like.”

“So, I hear you’re abnormally attracted to dangerous situations and people. I can conform to that pattern if you’d like.”

“I would make you my bride even if you were abominable.”

“I would make you my bride even if you were abominable.”

“When you’re away, I miss you more than John misses the battlefield.”

“When you’re away, I miss you more than John misses the battlefield.”

“You’re carved into my heart like I.O.U. on an apple.”

“You’re carved into my heart like I.O.U. on an apple.”

“I bet I can make you wetter than the fandom’s post-Reichenbach tears.”

“I bet I can make you wetter than the fandom’s post-Reichenbach tears.”

“Are you Jonathan Small’s belt blade? Because I want you inside of me.”

“Are you Jonathan Small’s belt blade? Because I want you inside of me.”

“You’re hotter than Molly Hooper at a Christmas party.”

“You’re hotter than Molly Hooper at a Christmas party.”

“Don’t leave me hanging. I’m not the mannequin in 221b.”

“Don’t leave me hanging. I’m not the mannequin in 221b.”

“Are you Mrs. Hudson’s cooking? Because I want you inside of me.”

“Are you Mrs. Hudson’s cooking? Because I want you inside of me.”

“Are you the Diogenes Club? Because you leave me speechless.”

“Are you the Diogenes Club? Because you leave me speechless.”

“Without you, I’m deader than a Flight 007 passenger.”

“Without you, I’m deader than a Flight 007 passenger.”

“I like blondes… even speckled blondes.”

“I like blondes… even speckled blondes.”

“If I inhaled Project H.O.U.N.D. fog right now, you not loving me would be my fear hallucination.”

“If I inhaled Project H.O.U.N.D. fog right now, you not loving me would be my fear hallucination.”

“If you were naked in front of me, I would never tell you to put on a napkin.”

“If you were naked in front of me, I would never tell you to put on a napkin.”

“If I was Speedy’s Cafe, I would let you eat me out any time on the house.”Based on a suggestion by @sarahsarahsarahsarahsarah.

“If I was Speedy’s Cafe, I would let you eat me out any time on the house.”Based on a suggestion by @sarahsarahsarahsarahsarah.

“The Black Lotus’s circus isn’t the only place where acrobatics will be performed tonight.”Based on a suggestion by @sarahsarahsarahsarahsarah.

“The Black Lotus’s circus isn’t the only place where acrobatics will be performed tonight.”Based on a suggestion by @sarahsarahsarahsarahsarah.

“When I said you were very ugly, I meant it in John Watson Sign Language.”

“When I said you were very ugly, I meant it in John Watson Sign Language.”

“I may eat breakfast in The Stranger’s Room, but I certainly don’t want to be a stranger to you.”

“I may eat breakfast in The Stranger’s Room, but I certainly don’t want to be a stranger to you.”

“Are you the Reichenbach Falls? Because you’re soaking wet and I’m going to end up inside you.”

“Are you the Reichenbach Falls? Because you’re soaking wet and I’m going to end up inside you.”

“You may not be Emelia Ricoletti’s corpse, but I’d be happy to chain you to your bed anyway.”

“You may not be Emelia Ricoletti’s corpse, but I’d be happy to chain you to your bed anyway.”

“Who’s the cutest person in the room? YoOoOoOoU!”(This one only works if you say “you” in Emelia’s voice, haha.)

“Who’s the cutest person in the room? YoOoOoOoU!”(This one only works if you say “you” in Emelia’s voice, haha.)

“If I tried to deny my love for you, it’d be less convincing than Hooper in a mustache.”

“If I tried to deny my love for you, it’d be less convincing than Hooper in a mustache.”

“I need you more than Lestrade needs a drink when he’s afraid.”

“I need you more than Lestrade needs a drink when he’s afraid.”

“Dating you would be an even better idea than MI5 security.”

“Dating you would be an even better idea than MI5 security.”

“Do you have a secret twin? Because if so, I’d love to get acquainted with both of you.”

“Do you have a secret twin? Because if so, I’d love to get acquainted with both of you.”

“Are you the other me in the other place? Because I think you’re pretty damn smart.”

“Are you the other me in the other place? Because I think you’re pretty damn smart.”

“On your knees, Professor… Don’t worry, I have something much better than kicking you over the Reichenbach Falls planned.”

“On your knees, Professor… Don’t worry, I have something much better than kicking you over the Reichenbach Falls planned.”

“You not loving me would mean more misfortune and disaster than the Second Afghan War.”

“You not loving me would mean more misfortune and disaster than the Second Afghan War.”

“Without you, my heart is more broken than the glass used to create Emelia Ricoletti’s ghost.”

“Without you, my heart is more broken than the glass used to create Emelia Ricoletti’s ghost.”

“Ignore the illustrator. You’re so unforgettable, I would recognize you with or without a mustache.”

“Ignore the illustrator. You’re so unforgettable, I would recognize you with or without a mustache.”

“Kiss me until my lipstick is smeared like Emelia Ricoletti’s.”

“Kiss me until my lipstick is smeared like Emelia Ricoletti’s.”

“I would rather receive an envelope with five orange pips than be without you.”

“I would rather receive an envelope with five orange pips than be without you.”

“I could never nearly forget you.”

“I could never nearly forget you.”

Feel the love… All of it.My first attempt at being more artsy fartsy than cracky.

Feel the love… All of it.My first attempt at being more artsy fartsy than cracky.

“I want you more than The Strand readers want proper murders.”

“I want you more than The Strand readers want proper murders.”

“I would put on a black veil and pretend to be a client just to see you.”

“I would put on a black veil and pretend to be a client just to see you.”

“I am glad you liked my potato, but I bet that’s not the only thing about me you would like.”

“I am glad you liked my potato, but I bet that’s not the only thing about me you would like.”

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