and im sad
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dacommissioner2k15: raimix3q2: @shitpost-senpai @trilllizard666 @servals-dank-meme-machine @the-man-who-sold-za-warudo @commanderdouche I KEEP SCREAMING BUT GOD WON’T ANSWER Space Ghost one and this one of Berserk… Where the best. I cannot
alien-empress: bapt-ism: fleur-morte: jarrodis: Saturday died in my arms last night. yesterday i had a feeling it would be that day. i just had a feeling. i have never watched something die before. he wouldn’t eat or drink and just wanted to snuggle,
su-ic-id-al: thentuckersaid: inkthorn: a drunk driver killed someone i love. i thought maybe, if i kept it up, i might hear something back… This is so beyond heart breaking, yet so extremely powerful. Never forget to tell your family, friends, and
Crashed literally and figuratively....
I accidentally dropped my phone on top of my cell phone charm and it split in half. RIP Barnaby logo
I’m seeing Star Trek tonight. I’m trying to be more excited about it, but it’s difficult. There’s so many issues taking place and I want to talk about it critically, but nobody wants to with me. I also never got out of the funk
A whole bunch of T&B people have been unfollowing me recently. I don’t think I can be too surprised? I mean, I like anime, but I don’t blog it as much as others. But I try to tag everything and make it so that people don’t have
I feel like what’s pissing me off about this whole thing is that I never ragequit a fandom like this before. Ever. I’ve never had something become so tarnished to me that I actually had to ollie out. And I’m in HORRIBLE fandoms
I just looked at a huge pile of dishes and actually felt my knees shake. Also, being home alone was the last thing I needed today. If I make it through this day unscathed, it’s going to be really impressive.
I did this really ugly thing all day when I kind of shook my phone periodically and hoped to magically hear from people. I’ve also decided to stop looking at Facebook, because it’s either going to tell me 1. no one I’m friends with gives
I need a friend who is willing to be close to me as in check up on me or ask me how I’m doing sometimes that is maybe willing to have me liveblog shitty reality tv shows to them via text and able to visit my house once in awhile where I’ll
Today was one of those days I really needed somebody. Guess what? I didn’t get it. So… backing away from life and giving up. yeah.
all the adults in my life give me way too much credit as a person because jfc I can’t do all this anymore and I’m at such a loss for how I can do all this work while I want to die
I miss having friends. I don’t even miss specific friends, I just miss the concept of people wanting to spend time with me and sending me text messages, because they saw something that made them think of me.
I may just go to bed, because I shouldn’t be flooding people’s dashes. I shouldn’t be talking to people who don’t really care. I shoudln’t be talking about people who are happy and over me. I know I need to remove
I think I’m ready for this three month long cry for help to be over. I cried. No one answered. I think it’s time to leave, because no matter how many times I scream and cry that I need someone, that I’m running out of time, I don’t
I could be spending my night calling out racist assholes with no taste that refuse to ship rhodey/tony but no. I’m looking at house listings and trying not to kill myself.
oh and if this one subletter is as good as it gets, I’m still going to have to pay partial rent for the other place the rest of the lease. i’m just i’m done. yeah. it’s over.
I can’t even do things that are fun correctly. I should just kill myself. I dont have any friends. I don’t have any hobbies that aren’t stupid. I’m worthless and nobody really reaches out when they see these posts anyway.
yeah so like my parents gave me a little more money last month but like… not much. meanwhile, we thought we had two people to move in, but the mom is getting in the way and w e l p here goes another subletter down the fucking drain. so we might
ugh i’m so lonely i just wish i had one friend in particular. i just want to text her “hey remember when we went to that writing workshop and we met ned vizzini? what the fuck are we supposed to do as mentally ill people if he couldn’t
Does anyone here who’s trans go through phases where you really can’t look at yourself in the mirror because you dont look at all like you want to? Because that’s happening to me rn and its not good
I saw a picture of my ex-housemate on instagram and it was sucha fucking kick in the teeth for me. there are people in the world that think she’s great. there are people in the world that think she’s nice. there are people in the world that
my professor accepted my fumbling apology, so there is that. he says that I’m a great contributor and will continue to be, regardless of things like this. so that’s comforting.
Im so fucked up and lonely that I’m getting upset over too cute because it features the breed of dog an (ex?) Friend owns.
I hate that I keep handing in things late, because I’m a mentally ill piece of shit. I want to do things on time. I want to be a good student. But it’ll be a few hours before the assignment is due and I’ll dissociate or I’ll
going to see kyary in concert tomorrow and I should be excited, but I’m too busy having anxiety about seeing my ex housemate yayyyyyy
I’m so resentful of people who can just take a day off my brain is just constantly processing information even when I try to rest my brain is going “you’re resting resting reSTING WHY ARE YOU RESTING 3289472394UWQIEHSKFH” and I
I’m not even triggered over this btw. If that makes anyone feel better. I’m just… very upset. It reminds me about how unsafe I can be if I talk about my experiences with SI with the wrong people. And I know Morgan wouldn’t
I’m achy and I can feel my head going to a bad place this is bad this is badbadbadbadbad
nothing ignore this I guess five months ago I loved someone so much I spent money I didn’t have to go across the country and visit them now they’re essentially a stranger to me I just feel like I am such a horrible person everyone will leave
suicide cw, assault cw jeeeeez I’m at the lowest low fuck. I guess I’m just realizing how hopeless everything truly is? My ex-best friend left me. My really close friend who ~understood me and made me feel safe violated me. Now any
talk about assault idk waking up is just weird at this point. I almost ask myself if I’m going to have something like that happen to me today, you know? I just. the whole thing was under such casual circumstances and now I’m just scared
moving on from this whole assault business is weird. bc now I’m not breaking down every two seconds, but I feel… nothing. I don’t feel positive or negative. I don’t want to try and have sex again, because I don’t
things are getting really bad but if I talk to someone I’ll probably inadvertently out the person who assaulted me and hah… haaaaaaaaah. hah.
I was doing really good this week, but of course the moment I have down time I just feel that kick in the stomach of oh. right. that thing happened to me. I still feel broken from that and no professional success can fix that.
I feel so terrible about how cagey and guarded I’ve become. I should be texting people, arranging to meet with people, hell, actually logging on to Skype. Something. But. the thought of opening up to people is very daunting for me at this
I’ve also internalized that no one really wants to hear about anything I have to say, which sucks. I want to talk about my experience rereading chernow’s hamilton biography or my kids or fandom stuff and I just kind of go “stop talking
nsfw text, mentioned after effects of assault etc I hate feeling broken. and there’s not really a reason to feel broken, but I still do. even having sex now is me going “I don’t react how I used to I don’t feel the way I used
still ffelin’ not great mmmmaaaaaaa fuckkkkkkkk I just keep thinking about all the things I can’t do, because of my brain, and that’s not fun at all.
the weather’s getting colder and all I can think about is how this time, last year, I had two pairs of hands. two bodies. two directions of kind words being able to hold me in place. I miss the sensations, but I will not miss you. I will still
I hate when i can feel myself slipping into a bad place. Because I’m just kind of like “????? what do" I feel like an animal sensing a storm. I’m pacing around and there’s nothing yet, but it’s going to happen
hhhhhh I’m really freaking out rn fuuuuck turns out my ex-best friend is moving back to her parent’s place? which is like. within walking distance of the school I work at. and I’m just. feeling physically ill thinking about it.
supnoah: I regret opening up to some people and it just bugs me knowing there’s a few out there who didn’t even deserve to know me like that but do
I’m realizing how inadequate I am at my job, because it’s part-time. I can’t support my students at the capacity I want to and I’m just so fucking pissed off. I hate that I’m not working at the level I want to. I hate
I think what really sucked about this year for me, aside from the horrible current events, is that I did so much I should be proud of. I completed my master’s, survived going on interviews, and I got a teaching job. But no! This is the year
I actually have a meeting tomorrow morning with a parent, which I was discouraged enough over, because it is supposed to be done in 15 minutes and four teachers are supposed to speak during it. but now I’m like. not even interested in existing
I’m at a point where I want to want to be alive? I have kids to look after, a partner to watch come into their own, a birthday to celebrate, fics to finish, cons to go to stuff to do. But it never feels worth it enough and I feel so terrible
lmao mental illness confession: I’ve laid in my bed at random intervals of the day every day for 1-2 hours, because I don’t want to live and I am losing my ability to deal with that fact
I’m getting bad brains rn and I don’t know what to do about it anymore I’m so tired please kill me
I legit feel sick and like im going to have another panic attack this is hell please make this godforsaken holiday End or make my life end I want to fucking die.
people are all talking at the same time and I’m getting the lightheaded shitty feeling again. oh my god why is the holidays so hazardous to my mental health?
everything is awful and it’s not even my profession life or anything like that! I’m just a hideous self destructive piece of shit who is legitimately damaged goods this is terrible I am terrible fuck!!!!!!
also I kind of entirely dissociated while running homeroom yesterday? I didn’t realize it until kids pointed it out. I’m actually really scared about the New and Weird things my brain comes up with.
watching hq keeps being hard sometimes and I don’t even know why. I get scared of liking the same ship or character as my ex, which is ridiculous. but at the same time it’s too close for me. on the bright side, it sounds like they didn’t
I’m trying to figure out if I should drop hq bc it makes me feel like shit. I actually got upset that my partner put it on without asking me today, bc I keep getting freaked out of having any mutual interest as my ex. and it’s ridiculous,
I am going through a wave of like. really bad thoughts. and you’d think after dealing with this shit for basically my whole life, i’d be better at handling it, but I’m not. I’m not even sure what to ask for, even. I’m sorry.
post-con depression aka I met a lot of people this weekend and I’m so scared that I made bad iimpressions, because I’m a weird gay baby.
so my mother called with my dad on speaker phone and here are some of the greatest hits:-“Stop crying!”-“Maybe if you lived at home during the school week, you could visit on the weekends” “What about rent-” “I
I slept on it and to be frank, I never want to speak to my parents ever again.I really don’t see the point. I should definitely wait until I have a full time job before I do anything permanent, but… what’s really stopping me, other
