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“Forget the hanging in Wandsworth– I’d like to take a ‘professional’ interest in how well you’re hung.”

“Forget the hanging in Wandsworth– I’d like to take a ‘professional’ interest in how well you’re hung.”

“I bet you’re more popular than The Blue Carbuncle.”

“I bet you’re more popular than The Blue Carbuncle.”

“Ignore the illustrator. You’re so unforgettable, I would recognize you with or without a mustache.”

“Ignore the illustrator. You’re so unforgettable, I would recognize you with or without a mustache.”

“Unprincipled drug addict or not, I’ll gladly be your gentleman hero.”

“Unprincipled drug addict or not, I’ll gladly be your gentleman hero.”

“Kiss me until my lipstick is smeared like Emelia Ricoletti’s.”

“Kiss me until my lipstick is smeared like Emelia Ricoletti’s.”

“I would rather receive an envelope with five orange pips than be without you.”

“I would rather receive an envelope with five orange pips than be without you.”

“I would give you dancing lessons even if it meant your Sign Language needed work.”

“I would give you dancing lessons even if it meant your Sign Language needed work.”

“I could never nearly forget you.”

“I could never nearly forget you.”

“Are you a future world? Because I have a conjecture of how I might fit inside you.”

“Are you a future world? Because I have a conjecture of how I might fit inside you.”

“I want you more than The Strand readers want proper murders.”

“I want you more than The Strand readers want proper murders.”

“I would put on a black veil and pretend to be a client just to see you.”

“I would put on a black veil and pretend to be a client just to see you.”

“Sitting in the Carmichaels’ greenhouse isn’t the only thing we can do together that’s murder on the knees.”

“Sitting in the Carmichaels’ greenhouse isn’t the only thing we can do together that’s murder on the knees.”

“Are you Emelia Ricoletti’s ghost? Because I want you to be my boo.”

“Are you Emelia Ricoletti’s ghost? Because I want you to be my boo.”

“I would kick Moriarty over a waterfall for you.”

“I would kick Moriarty over a waterfall for you.”

“My feelings for you are so blindingly obvious, even Lestrade could work them out.”

“My feelings for you are so blindingly obvious, even Lestrade could work them out.”

“My love for you is increasing faster than Mycroft’s weight.”

“My love for you is increasing faster than Mycroft’s weight.”

“I must go deep into myself to solve this case… but first I’d like to be deep into you.”

“I must go deep into myself to solve this case… but first I’d like to be deep into you.”

“Are you the Carmichaels’ broken window? Because there’s only one of you.”

“Are you the Carmichaels’ broken window? Because there’s only one of you.”

“I don’t care whether you’re a Viennese alienist or a retired army surgeon– you can ask me any curious questions you like.”

“I don’t care whether you’re a Viennese alienist or a retired army surgeon– you can ask me any curious questions you like.”

“If Moriarty suggested that you and I elope, I would not find it impertinent or offensive.”

“If Moriarty suggested that you and I elope, I would not find it impertinent or offensive.”

“Forget literary criticism by means of satire. I won’t be talking because my mouth will be preoccupied.”

“Forget literary criticism by means of satire. I won’t be talking because my mouth will be preoccupied.”

“My feelings for you are so clear, not even the impossibly imbecilic Scotland Yard could be confused about them.”

“My feelings for you are so clear, not even the impossibly imbecilic Scotland Yard could be confused about them.”

“I am glad you liked my potato, but I bet that’s not the only thing about me you would like.”

“I am glad you liked my potato, but I bet that’s not the only thing about me you would like.”

“The only papers I want floating in my mind palace are love letters from you.”

“The only papers I want floating in my mind palace are love letters from you.”

“I’m a storyteller. I know when I’m in one. And meeting you was clearly my happily ever after.”

“I’m a storyteller. I know when I’m in one. And meeting you was clearly my happily ever after.”

“Communicating in the Diogenes Club isn’t the only thing I can do with these hands.”

“Communicating in the Diogenes Club isn’t the only thing I can do with these hands.”

“Are you a plum pudding? Because I would want you inside of me even if it took four months and eleven days off my life.”

“Are you a plum pudding? Because I would want you inside of me even if it took four months and eleven days off my life.”

“I would leave a note at the scene of a crime I didn’t commit just to ask if you missed me.”

“I would leave a note at the scene of a crime I didn’t commit just to ask if you missed me.”

“I may have addressed over forty percent of my remarks to your decanter, but what I’m really thirsty for is you.”

“I may have addressed over forty percent of my remarks to your decanter, but what I’m really thirsty for is you.”

“Is your name Hooper? Because you’d be the most beautiful woman in the room even if you had a mustache.”

“Is your name Hooper? Because you’d be the most beautiful woman in the room even if you had a mustache.”

“Are you a loaded firearm in the pocket of my dressing gown? Because I want to finger you.”

“Are you a loaded firearm in the pocket of my dressing gown? Because I want to finger you.”

“Are you Emelia Ricoletti? Because you got my attention in very efficient fashion.”

“Are you Emelia Ricoletti? Because you got my attention in very efficient fashion.”

“Your admirably high arches aren’t the only thing I noticed as soon as you stepped into the room.”

“Your admirably high arches aren’t the only thing I noticed as soon as you stepped into the room.”

“From a drop of water, a logician should be able to infer the possibility of an Atlantic or a Niagara, but they’re gonna need a hell of a lot more than that to infer how wet I can make you.”

“From a drop of water, a logician should be able to infer the possibility of an Atlantic or a Niagara, but they’re gonna need a hell of a lot more than that to infer how wet I can make you.”

“Don’t take Moriarty’s word for it. Come see for yourself how surprisingly comfortable my bed is.”

“Don’t take Moriarty’s word for it. Come see for yourself how surprisingly comfortable my bed is.”

“Are you a drug? Because you alleviate boredom and occasionally heighten my thought processes.”

“Are you a drug? Because you alleviate boredom and occasionally heighten my thought processes.”

“Will you be the pipe to my Holmes? I want you in my mouth.”

“Will you be the pipe to my Holmes? I want you in my mouth.”

“Forget morphine or cocaine. I get plenty high just off of your presence.”

“Forget morphine or cocaine. I get plenty high just off of your presence.”

“They call me Wilder in the streets, but I’m Wildest in the sheets.”

“They call me Wilder in the streets, but I’m Wildest in the sheets.”

“Forget the visible rings of fat around my corneas. Right now the only ring I care about is the one I’m going to propose to you with.”

“Forget the visible rings of fat around my corneas. Right now the only ring I care about is the one I’m going to propose to you with.”

“Are you the dust on Sherlock’s mantle? Because I want to lick you.”

“Are you the dust on Sherlock’s mantle? Because I want to lick you.”

“Are you Mrs. Hudson? Because I need to give you more lines… More pick-up lines, that is.”(This one got a bit meta, haha.)

“Are you Mrs. Hudson? Because I need to give you more lines… More pick-up lines, that is.”(This one got a bit meta, haha.)

“If you were 221b, I would never let the illustrator make you drab and dingy.”

“If you were 221b, I would never let the illustrator make you drab and dingy.”

“You’re sweeter than all of the plum pudding in the Diogenes Club.”

“You’re sweeter than all of the plum pudding in the Diogenes Club.”

“I want to be more permanently glued to you than Mycroft’s ever expanding backside is to his spot.”

“I want to be more permanently glued to you than Mycroft’s ever expanding backside is to his spot.”

“I know what a nurse is capable of, but I still say that you’re excessively skilled for one.”

“I know what a nurse is capable of, but I still say that you’re excessively skilled for one.”

“Are you Eustace Carmichael? Because I want to be with you until five orange pips do us part.”

“Are you Eustace Carmichael? Because I want to be with you until five orange pips do us part.”

“Are you Sherlock’s decanter? Because I can’t help but stare at you even when I’m talking to someone else in the room.”

“Are you Sherlock’s decanter? Because I can’t help but stare at you even when I’m talking to someone else in the room.”

“It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the landing… Therefore, it wouldn’t kill you to fall for me.”

“It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the landing… Therefore, it wouldn’t kill you to fall for me.”

“If you were one of the reporters outside, I would do so much more than just make tea for you.”

“If you were one of the reporters outside, I would do so much more than just make tea for you.”

“Will you be my enemy that I must certainly lose to?”

“Will you be my enemy that I must certainly lose to?”

“Did Holmes learn about jets from you? Because you’re pretty fly.”

“Did Holmes learn about jets from you? Because you’re pretty fly.”

“Poetry or truth? Well, if we’re talking about your beauty, I’d say they’re the same thing.”

“Poetry or truth? Well, if we’re talking about your beauty, I’d say they’re the same thing.”

“You don’t need to put on a mustache in order to examine my body.”

“You don’t need to put on a mustache in order to examine my body.”

“I must be Moriarty, because I can live without the back of my head easier than I can live without you.”

“I must be Moriarty, because I can live without the back of my head easier than I can live without you.”

“I get lost in your eyes easier than other people get lost in the Carmichaels’ hedge maze.”

“I get lost in your eyes easier than other people get lost in the Carmichaels’ hedge maze.”

“Are you from a future world? Because I want to get your telephone contraption number.”

“Are you from a future world? Because I want to get your telephone contraption number.”

“I want to say ‘I love you’ to you more often than Holmes says ‘features of interest.’“

“I want to say ‘I love you’ to you more often than Holmes says ‘features of interest.’“

“My balls are bluer than the carbuncle Watson wrote about.”

“My balls are bluer than the carbuncle Watson wrote about.”

“I heard you have a mouth like a crimson wound. Shall I kiss it better for you?”

“I heard you have a mouth like a crimson wound. Shall I kiss it better for you?”

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