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I shouldn’t be pissed at my SO for leaving my credit card at his place, but I am. I’m also really fucking pissed that I can’t get it back until 10, because people don’t fucking understand that I can’t just walk over to
Also I’m on Skype and stuff and I’m about to watch the Hobbit, which will probably put me in a better mood, but if you want to message me I’d really appreciate that? Or idk, put something in my ask box. Orrrr… I don’t
It’s sad sack city tonight in my head. Whoo hooooooo.
I think I’m going to do that thing when I’ve got the sads to bad that I’m just going to go to bed. This is so awesome. I’m so happy I’m alive, etc, etc.
I wish my head situation wasn’t getting in the way of cooking and stuff. I miss being able to make a decent meal. But it gets so hard to make myself plan anything, prepare ingredients and take all the time necessary. So I have the supplies waiting
I’m not going to be able to defeat whatever’s wrong with my head. I’m accepting this now. I can’t afford any treatments, because my parents don’t believe that I have something wrong with me. My academic schedule makes
Someone should ruffle my hair, make me something to eat, and stop my head from telling me to hurt myself.
I miss being well enough to perform basic human functions. Like… leave the house. Or cook. Or be able to talk to people and not feel that I am a burden to communicate with. I miss being something. A lot. And I have no idea how to become
Bad things happen and I get the sads. Nothing happens and I get the sads. Good things happen and I get the sads. I just want this whole life thing over with.
I’m really confused by the concept of ~getting back to being happy. I don’t think I’ve really “been happy” at any point in my life. I know that my childhood has something to do with it. I have too much baggage and I always
The past two days I’ve done extremely fun things, but it ended up making other parts of my life suffer. So the only lesson I’m really getting out of this is I don’t really deserve to be happy, especially because when I am happy or doing
I’ve been really good for the past few hours at being alone! I did some homework, I helped Zane outline a fic, and everything! But now the whole being alone thing is catching up to me and I feel that tightness in my chest that usually means the
I’m pretty much convinced that anyone who interacts with me in real life in a semi-regular basis hates my guts. I don’t really blame them, because I hate my guts, too. But it’s still not a really nice feeling.
I want to write, but I have no idea what I’d write about. I really hate that I can’t just come up with stuff. It’s so whiny to be like “wahhh prompt me!” I also really hate that the only thing really keeping me around is
I’m really not liking this trend of going to bed early, because it’s the only way to make the bad thoughts in my head go away for awhile.
I think the worst part of realizing most of my issues stem from my parents is that there isn’t really a way to fix them. I have been trying to say that I’ve been emotionally abused my whole life. I understand what that means and how it has
Also, I have to take a graduation photo today, so naturally I am overwhelmed with guilt (because if these photos come out shitty my parents can and will harass me about it) and dysphoria (because yay shitty people saying “now miss” “you
I can feel myself slipping into a funk. Which really sucks. But I don’t really have anything to combat it. My job sucks, I haven’t gotten a raise with my new position, Father’s Day is this Sunday, and I just feel really lonely, because
I apparently missed a shift at work. When I called my boss, she basically said “Oh yeah, we didn’t have any problems so I figured I wouldn’t call you.” And just… wow. Way to actually make me feel useless. It’s
Help, I’m having a depressive episode and I just got mega triggered in a public space: a comedy in three parts
Wow I can actually feel sections of my body in pain. This is awful. Oh, I also have an eight hour shift tomorrow. Help me.
wow my back is so bad right now that like. it keeps popping and stuff. nothing really went right today. my head is all messed up, so I can’t even write. I’m just like… mega bummed and sad and lonely and what else is new really?
Head’s really shitty right now. I just kind of bounced off of Skype, because… I don’t even know what to say to people anymore. I suck. And my head is awful. And I’m a piece of shit. And there’s no point in broadcasting it
I want to give up. It’s not that people don’t care. I know people do. But I don’t know how to speak to them. And I don’t want them to resent me. And it’d be easier to just remove myself from them, even if it sucks a
Now I’m just thinking about how proud and how much I loved my job. Like… not only was I good at it (and still am), I was excited to go to work. I wanted to be there. I put in as much as I could, even if I was sore from marching band
Wow I get it existence. I’m a horrible person and I don’t deserve anything. Fine. I give up. Hope you’re happy.
I’m going to go headfirst into the phase of the night where I stare at the ceiling and cry for a few hours. I have to work tomorrow for eight hours and do my shitty managerial position that I don’t actually get paid properly for, so calling
Going to bed, I guess. I don’t even know why I’m broadcasting this. Thanks for the people saying they want to snuggle me. That’s nice. I don’t really know what else to say. Just… everything’s really bad now and I
Nobody would want someone like me teaching their kids, anyway. I’m mentally ill, untreated, and I’m a liability. If anything, this was the moment that really made me realize how stupid it as to think I could be anything. Letting go has just
I had to do a walking tour in ~100 degree weather today. Even after I explained to my boss that I was exhausted, unprepared, and wheezing when I was walking outside earlier. I am so tired of not being treated like a person. I mean, I guess this type of
tw: disordered eating??? I did some pretty solid adult things today! Like sent out emails! And did all the dishes that were backed up! But now I’m kind of staring at the pantry and the fridge drawing a blank. I have never really been good at
Today was really bad. Graham shattered the screen of my new phone, so I don’t have that anymore. He’s replacing it, but it’s not going to come in until Tuesday. Sooooo I don’t have a phone again. This also all took place
I’m beginning to realize that the best insight to people I know is not really how they treat me as a queer person, as a trans* person, as a mentally ill person, but how they treat others who identify within any of categories.
I’m beginning to be convinced that you can’t actually give a shit about me or my issues unless you live at least in a different state from me. Because I can be suicidal and out of control right next to a person and nobody will give a fucking
I’m so bitter and sad and on the verge of unfollowing a lot of people, because I’m just stepping stones to see other people they care about and not an actual person of value to them. Getting confirmation that you don’t matter much to
What’s the fucking point? People don’t care about me. Personally. Professionally. Anything. I do nothing. I’ve done nothing for the past few months. There’s no point in breathing. And hoping. And waiting. For people who never
The party was cancelled and I didn’t know when I got to the bar. So I had a panic attack, because I had no idea where anyone was and I thought I was being tricked and now I lost any and all momentum relating to being a person. I’m such a piece
I get it, I’m unstable and I’m not really a person. I’m going to just quit student teaching and probably kill myself. there. that’ll make everyone be able to move on with their lives.
I’ve either been cut out of people’s lives or haven’t had messages responded to for the past few weeks about the subject. I guess everyone decided the other person was more worth the investment. Just… I just want this to end.
captainlitebrite replied to your post “It looks like I’m just going to have to call a bunch of mutual friends…” it may be more successful for you to just declare your life to be a Person free zone??? idk like that way people would know that
all the adults in my life give me way too much credit as a person because jfc I can’t do all this anymore and I’m at such a loss for how I can do all this work while I want to die
I can’t even cry anymore. There’s no point. Nobody really cares. At least anyone remotely interested in/able to support me in person. This is how it ends. This sucks.
I finally fell asleep and oh wow I woke up and everything is still fucking awful. I have a teaching certification test tomorrow. I have a cover letter I should be getting edited. And here I am, pretty much wanting to die, because I let another person
hums softly and tries to think of gentle headcanons because fuck fuck fuck I can’t do this I can’t be a person I’m trying to do schoolwork and I’m freaking out and I just want to sleep forever, because why bother
nothing ignore this I guess five months ago I loved someone so much I spent money I didn’t have to go across the country and visit them now they’re essentially a stranger to me I just feel like I am such a horrible person everyone will leave
things are getting really bad but if I talk to someone I’ll probably inadvertently out the person who assaulted me and hah… haaaaaaaaah. hah.
might break my no-buy because I feel terrible and used up and I deserve nice things no matter what this person says about me.
apportion: Sometimes you miss the memories, not the person.
talks about car accidents and fatalities, so like. don’t look at this post if that triggers you pls. hhhhhh just read a post about a person dying in a fatal car accident and a few weeks ago one of the teachers at my friend’s schools died
talks about #assault/exes I get so stressed out when I see a person like a whole bunch of my shit in a row. which is absolutely ridiculous. and yet I still get really stressed out, because it’s what they did and they assaulted me and the past
I think what kills me the most about everyone who has been nice to me recently (my mentor, the other teacher, my own mother) is that they’re all saying nice, true things like “It’s always hard losing the first person so close to your
I know it doesn’t mean much, but I’m trying to wrap my head around the fact that not only did I, the queer teacher, got fired today, but so did the math teacher, who’s the only person who isn’t a white person on our faculty. And just. I KNOW
fuck me until i'm not sad anymore
babyanimalsblog: feeling sad? you need this blog on your dash!
I really don't like posting sad personal stuff on here but here it goes...
Snow dayIt’s the perfect day to cuddle up and watch movies with a fire going , some hot chocolate(spiked with alcohol optional) , snacks… ugh . Sadly that won’t happen 😒😔
Feelin myself getting sad again.
hopesless: so-personal: everything personal♡ black + white sad blog. i follow back ★✩★
It’s so sad/sweet when people ask about my old blog. I regret deleting it (╯△╰) but that’s why I made a new one ♡
